Monday, January 7, 2013

Paws & Claws ~ December 23, 2012 ~ Stay Safe & Warm this season ~

"The great enemy of the truth
is very often not the lie:
deliberate, continued, and dishonest;
but the myth:
persistent, persuasive, and unrealistic."
~ John F. Kennedy
Wisdom of the Sacred Feminine
What is Christmas?
It is tenderness for the past,
courage for the present,
hope for the future.
It is a fervent wish
that every cup may overflow
with blessings rich and eternal,
and that every path
may lead to peace.

~Agnes M. Pharo
2012 December
See Explanation.  Clicking on the picture will download 
the highest resolution version available.
A Sun Pillar Over Sweden
Image Credit & Copyright: Göran Strand
Explanation: Have you ever seen a sun pillar? When the air is cold and the Sun is rising or setting, falling ice crystals can reflect sunlight and create an unusual column of light. Ice sometimes forms flat, six-sided shaped crystals as it falls from high-level clouds. Air resistance causes these crystals to lie nearly flat much of the time as they flutter to the ground. Sunlight reflects off crystals that are properly aligned, creating the sun-pillar effect. In the above picture taken last week, a sun-pillar reflects light from a Sun setting over Östersund, Sweden.
Damn...did you see the size of that front tooth gap she had?
Yeah...I didn't know wether to smile back or kick a field goal!
Two sheepherders are perfoming unnatural acts with two of their herd simultaneously.
One turns to the other, disgustedly, and says, "I hear they're doing this to women in Chicago!"
Many of life's failures are people who did not realize how close they were to success when they gave up.
- Thomas Edison
A man with one watch knows what time it is.
A man with two watches is never sure.
- Albert Einstein
Golden eagle tries to snatch a kid!
Masturbation bar
"Once they take a seat, customers are able to experience a pleasant place in which they can openly discuss masturbation,” she said. “Since most people view female masturbation as something of a mystery or taboo, it is not a usual topic at typical bars.”
Lisped a limp-wristed cowboy named Fay,
"It's a hell of a place to be gay!
I must, on these prairies,
Due to a shortage of fairies,
With the deer and the antelope play!"
Three elderly men are at the doctor for a memory test.
The doctor says to the first man, "What is three times three?"
"274," was his reply.
The doctor says to the second man, "It's your turn. What is three times three?"
"Tuesday," replies the second man.
The doctor says to the third man, "Okay, your turn. What's three times three?"
"Nine," says the third man.
"That's great!" says the doctor. "How did you get that?"
"Simple," says the third man. "I subtracted 274 from Tuesday."
I never let schooling interfere with my education --Mark Twain
How to not clear snow off the roof.
Solving the puzzle of the periodic table.
Last year, University of Queensland psychology undergraduate Sean Murphy was collecting images of faces while preparing an experiment. As he skimmed through them, he noticed that they began to appear grotesque and deformed, though when viewed individually they appeared normal and even attractive.
"The effect seems to depend on processing each face in light of the others," writes grad student Matthew Thompson, who published the result last year with Murphy and Jason Tangen. "By aligning the faces at the eyes and presenting them quickly, it becomes much easier to compare them, so the differences between the faces are more extreme. If someone has a large jaw, it looks almost ogre-like. If they have an especially large forehead, then it looks particularly bulbous. We're conducting several experiments right now to figure out exactly what's causing this effect."
(Tangen, J. M., Murphy, S. C., & Thompson, M. B. (2011). Flashed face distortion effect: Grotesque faces from relative spaces. Perception, 40, 628-630.)
Claudette is born in 1950 and dies in an accident in 2000. If the accident had not occurred she would lived until 2035. We think of this as a misfortune because her life has been cut short -- she has lost 35 years.
But it's equally true that Claudette might have been born in 1915 and enjoyed another 35 years of life in that way. Why don't we regard this as equally tragic? "We feel uncomfortable with the idea that her late birth is as great a misfortune for Claudette as her premature death," writes philosopher Fred Feldman. "Why is this?"
Lucretius wrote, "Think too how the bygone antiquity of everlasting time before our birth was nothing to us. Nature therefore holds this up to us as a mirror of the time yet to come after our death. Is there aught in this that looks appalling, aught that wears an aspect of gloom? Is it not more untroubled than any sleep?" Why are we more troubled at a lost future than a lost past?
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Most of the civilians who died in the Japanese attack on Pearl Harbor were killed by American antiaircraft shells. "There was so much excitement and confusion," harbor worker John Garcia told Studs Turkel for The Good War, his oral history of World War II. "Some of our sailors were shooting five-inch guns at the Japanese planes. You just cannot down a plane with a five-inch shell. They were landing in Honolulu, the unexploded naval shells. They have a ten-mile range. They hurt and killed a lot of people in the city."
Garcia spent three days at the base dealing with the aftermath of the attack. When he returned to Honolulu, "they told me that a shell had hit the house of my girl. We had been going together for, oh, about three years. Her house was a few blocks from my place. At the time, they said it was a Japanese bomb. Later we learned it was an American shell. She was killed. She was preparing for church at the time."
Whether you end a letter or e-mail with it—or you recognize it from the end of each Gossip Girl episode—“Xoxo” is commonly known to refer to the phrase “Kisses and hugs.” But how did these two inconspicuous letters come to represent that well-known phrase?
One possible explanation is that an “X” is a stylized representation of two mouths kissing, while the “O” represents two pairs of arms coming together to complete a hug. This emoticon-inspired account makes sense, but the true explanations are more likely rooted in religious history.
Because many people in the Middle Ages could not read or write, they would sign important documents with an “X,” which was both a simple mark to make and a reference to the Christian cross. The signee would then kiss the “X” to demonstrate his sincerity and that what was written in the document was true—in much the same way that Christians kissed the Bible to display their belief in Christ. Besides referencing the actual cross itself, the “X” alluded to the early Christian symbol called the Chi-rho—named after combining the first two letters of the Greek word for Christ, ΧΡΙΣΤΟΣ.
Tracing the origin of how the “O” came to represent a hug is more difficult. One possible explanation is that Jewish immigrants, upon arriving in the U.S., used the symbol in place of a signature, similar to the way the “X” was used by Christians. Instead of using an “X,” which invoked Christ—a figure that did not align with Jewish beliefs—illiterate Jewish people arriving in the U.S. would sign documents with an “O.”
Combined with the familiar Christian use of an “X” signifying the oath sealed with a kiss, the “O” was likely then adapted to mean hugs as an equal representation in the sincerity of the sentiment on notes, letters, or even e-mails.

Now that marijuana is legal in Colorado, advocates and proponents are screaming and pontificating, but what are a few of the real facts?

Random Facts:
In 2011, use of marijuana by teenagers hit a 30-year peak, with one out of every 15 high school students reporting they smoke most days, and for the first time U.S. teens reported smoking more pot than cigarettes. But: teenagers don't smoke any more pot in states where medical marijuana is legal than in ones where it's not. Legalization advocates argue that the best way to reduce use by minors is to legalize and regulate pot.

It's true that marijuana smoke, like tobacco smoke, contains carcinogens. But even hardcore pot smokers typically consume much less pot than tobacco smokers do cigarettes, probably not enough to cause cancer. A 2006 UCLA study concluded that even heavy marijuana use does not lead to lung cancer. "We hypothesized that there would be a positive association between marijuana use and lung cancer, and that the association would be more positive with heavier use," said the study's lead author. "What we found instead was no association at all, and even a suggestion of some protective effect." This and other studies suggest that pot can actually inhibit the growth of cancerous tumors.

I have learned that whatever you give a woman, she's going to multiply.

If you give her sperm, she'll give you a baby.
If you give her a house, she'll give you a home.
If you give her groceries, she'll give you a meal.
If you give her a smile, she'll give you her heart.

She multiplies and enlarges all that is given to her.

So, if you give her any crap, you will receive a ton of shit.

Love and appreciate all the women in your life.


"Anyone see that Hurricane Sandy concert? Kanye West performed while wearing a leather skirt. So now they're having a benefit concert for people who had to see that." -Conan O'Brien

A little boy goes to his father and asks, "Daddy, how was I born?"

The father answers, "Well son, I guess one day you will need to find out anyway! Your Mom and I first got together in a chat room on Yahoo. Then I set up a date via e-mail with your Mom and we met at a cyber-cafe.. We sneaked into a secluded room, and googled each other. There your mother agreed to a download from my hard drive. As soon as I was ready to upload, we discovered that neither one of us had used a firewall, and since it was too late to hit the delete button, nine months later a little Pop-Up appeared that said: "You got male!"

"Farmers in France have started giving their cows two bottles of wine every day, in order to make better beef. Unfortunately, all the cows wind up doing is texting their ex-milkers." -Jimmy Fallon


It was the first day of a new school year.
Three boys arrive at class late and the teacher asks the first boy, "Why are you tardy,"
The boy replies "I've been on Blueberry Hill."
The teacher didn't know what to make of that so she just said, "Take your seat."
Then another boy walks in and she asks him why he is late. "I was on Blueberry Hill." he also replied.
Then she asked the third boy, but he replied with the same answer.
As the boys we're sitting down a girl arrives in. "Let me guess," said the teacher. "You where on Blueberry Hill also?"
"NO..." replied the girl. "I am Blueberry Hill."
Thanks, Dana
"The Army has started kicking out overweight soldiers, and they're refusing to admit recruits that are obese. That shows you how times have changed. Back in the '60s, you had to go to Canada to stay out of the Army. Now, you just have to go to McDonald's." -Jay Leno

"Steven Spielberg's movie 'Lincoln' had the most nominations of any film this year. Seven. 'Lincoln' was nominated for best picture, best director, best beard without a mustache, and furriest top hat." -Jimmy Kimmel

"Yesterday, the Senate floor was reserved for farewell speeches from retiring senators. Each senator received a fitting gift: a gold watch that stopped working years ago." -Jimmy Fallon

"Do you remember first meeting your wife?"

"Sure, I found Jill lying face down in the gutter. I lifted her to her feet and promised her that if she agreed to marry me, she would begin a new life and I'd never allow her near the gutter again."

"Wow, what an incredible story! I hope she appreciates what you did for her."

"Not really. Even though she stunk at it, Jill hated to give up bowling."
QUOTE: "Give me odorous at sunrise a garden of beautiful flowers where I can walk undisturbed."

HINT: (1819-1982), American poet, essayist and journalist.

ANSWER: Walt Whitman.


The ancient Chinese and Greeks grew fruit trees, vegetables and herbs in gardens for food and for medicines.

In the 1500s there were five famous botanical gardens in Europe designed to study and grow herbs for medicine.

Carolus Clusius set up a famous flower garden in Leiden in Holland in the late 1500s. Here the first tulips from China were grown and the Dutch bulb industry began.

The Royal Botanic Gardens at Kew near London were made famous by Sir Joseph Banks in the late 1700s for their extensive collection of plants from around the world.

Lancelot 'Capability' Brown (1716-83) was a famous English landscape gardener. He got his nickname by telling clients that their gardens had excellent 'capabilities'.

The earliest flowerbeds were the borders of flower tufts Ancient Persians grew along pathways.


A response to a mistake,
That when offered is suspected,
In desperation it is expressed,
The truth is apparently rejected.

A Brain Walks Into A Bar...

A brain walks into a bar and says, "I'll have a pint of beer please."
The bartender looks at him and says, "Sorry, I can't serve you."
"Why not?" asks the brain.
"You're already out of your head."

Q and A Quickies

Q: What kind of bees make milk?

Q: Why did the cook get arrested?
A: Because he beat an egg.

You've heard of a "drug mule" right? Well, I think this story is going to force us to come up with some new terms.

Spanish authorities say they have arrested a Panamanian woman arriving at Barcelona airport with approximately 3 pounds of cocaine concealed in her breast implants.

The Interior Ministry said that border police noticed fresh scars and blood-stained gauze on her chest as well as pale patches beneath her skin.

The woman said she had recently had breast implant surgery. The statement said police were suspicious and sent her to a local hospital where the implants were removed and found to contain cocaine.

The woman arrived in Spain from Bogota, Colombia. European authorities routinely submit passengers arriving from Latin America to stringent checks to combat drug smuggling.

Kind of makes the pat-down we get from TSA seem like an affectionate gesture compared to the surgical procedures they get in Spain.

Man kicked out for resembling Jesus
DONCASTER, England- A spectator was removed from the crowd at a darts tournament in Britain when his resemblance to Jesus caused the crowd to chant toward him. "Stand up if you love Jesus," the crowd chanted. The Professional Darts Corporat ion said Nathan Grindal, 33, was escorted to another part of the venue to watch the match between Phil "The Power" Taylor and Belgian opponent Kim Huybrechts when members of the 4,500-strong crowd at the Cash Converters Players Championship in Doncaster, England, began their chant, The Mirror reported Thursday. Grindal said he did not find the incident amusing. "It was distressing. I was emotionally distraught. The crowd were bullying me and picking on me. It would have been OK if security hadn't made a fuss getting me out," he said. "In his post-match interview, Phil Taylor said something like, 'If I ever see Jesus again, I'll crucify him myself.' Now that's just hurtful." Kim Huybrechts, who lost the match, signed Grindal's program after the incident. "To Jesus. Hard luck mate," he wrote. A spokesman for the Professional Darts Corporation said officials worried the chants would be distracting to the players.
Best of 2012 - National Geographic Magazine Photos of the Year
Penguins, a masked man, a tornado—see National Geographic's top ten, as chosen by Editor Chris Johns. "The best photographs," he says, "will always surprise you."

Portland, Oregon, Coffee Shop

Picture of a woman brewing coffee in the Pearl District, Portland, Oregon

A barista prepares coffee using a siphon, or vacuum, brewing process in a Pearl District coffee shop north of downtown Portland. Like its fellow Pacific Northwest city, Seattle, Portland is known for its coffee culture, and the Pearl District represents with its fair share of coffeehouses.
Enjoy the Flight
I doubt you have ever seen anything like this one!
Thanks Mike ~ very cool
“You can't throw too much style into a miracle.” —Mark Twain
Best “Silent Night” ever.
"2012: The End is Here!"
Amazing Cover Of “Rolling In The Deep” By High School Handbell Choir
rainbow jello shots
Christmas is coming. Gird yourselves well for its struggles with two essential nutrients: sugar and alcohol. Jelly Shot Test Kitchen designed this recipe, which uses flavored vodka, gelatin, frosting and sprinkles. Don't forget the sprinkles. People have suffered terrible kitchen accidents simply because they thought that sprinkles weren't absolutely necessary.
NOW THIS IS 'HAVE A NICE DAY' and actually mean it.
My wife hosted a dinner party for family far and wide and everyone was encouraged to bring all their children as well.
All during dinner my four-year-old niece stared at me sitting across from her. The girl could hardly eat her food for staring.
I checked my shirt for spots, felt my face for food, patted my hair in place but nothing stopped her from staring at me.
I tried my best to just ignore her but finally it was too much for me. I finally asked her "Why are you staring at me?"
Everyone at the table had noticed her behavior and the table went quiet for her response.
My little niece said "I'm just waiting to see how you drink like a fish."
Are Poinsettias Always Red?
In a word, no. Turns out poinsettias come in a number of colors.
And what may be even more interesting is that most of us think of poinsettias as large flowers— but in fact they’re not.
I saw her standing there
and I told her she had three beautiful children.
She didn't have to get all upset and threaten me.
It was an honest mistake.
What a grand Old Lady! We should all age so gracefully .
Hope you enjoy this as much as I did.
Healthy Living from

Don't let the holidays take their toll on your normal routine, energy, and waistline. Here are the 21 worst mistakes healthy people make during the holidays, and how to avoid them.

Take these smart steps to keep lungs strong and healthy

How to tell if you have a cold, flu, or something new

Here's how to maximize your pleasure in minutes

White Christmas Cartoon Song

Thanks, Cindy ~
University of Sydney developing robots to automate farming
Reminds me of one of my all-time-favorite movies ~ Silent Running.
Long live the memories of Huey, Dewey & Louie.
Quote from the movie: Anderson: On this first day of a new century we humbly beg forgiveness and dedicate these last forests of our once beautiful nation to the hope that they will one day return and grace our foul earth. Until that day may God bless these gardens and the brave men who care for them.
Thanks, ED
Bill Gates recently gave a Commencement speech at a High School about 11 things they did not and will not learn in school. He talks about how feel-good, politically correct teachings created a generation of kids with no concept of reality and how this concept set them up for failure in the real world. 

Rule 1: Life is not fair - get used to it!
Rule 2: The world won't care about your self-esteem. The world will expect you to accomplish something BEFORE you feel good about yourself.
Rule 3: You will NOT make $60,000 a year right out of high school. You won't be a vice-president with a car phone until you earn both. 

Rule 4: If you think your teacher is tough, wait till you get a boss. 

Rule 5: Flipping burgers is not beneath your dignity. Your Grandparents had a different word for burger flipping: they called it opportunity. 

Rule 6: If you mess up, it's not your parents' fault, so don't whine about your mistakes; learn from them. 

Rule 7: Before you were born, your parents weren't as boring as they are now. They got that way from paying your bills, cleaning your clothes and listening to you talk about how cool you thought you were. So before you save the rain forest from the parasites of your parent's generation, try delousing the closet in your own room. 

Rule 8: Your school may have done away with winners and losers, but life HAS NOT. In some schools, they have abolished failing grades and they'll give you as MANY TIMES as you want to get the right answer. This doesn't bear the slightest resemblance to ANYTHING in real life.
Rule 9: Life is not divided into semesters. You don't get summers off and very few employers are interested in helping you FIND YOURSELF. Do that on your own time. 

Rule 10: Television is NOT real life. In real life people actually have to leave the coffee shop and go to jobs. 

Rule 11: Be nice to nerds. Chances are you'll end up working for one. 

If you agree, pass it on.
 If you can read this - Thank a teacher!
 If you are reading it in English - Thank a soldier!!
Bill Gates recently gave a Commencement speech at a High School about 11 things they did not and will not learn in school. He talks about how feel-good, politically correct teachings created a generation of kids with no concept of reality and how this concept set them up for failure in the real world.

Rule 1: Life is not fair - get used to it!

Rule 2: The world won't care about your self-esteem. The world will expect you to accomplish something BEFORE you feel good about yourself.

Rule 3: You will NOT make $60,000 a year right out of high school. You won't be a vice-president with a car phone until you earn both.

Rule 4: If you think your teacher is tough, wait till you get a boss.

Rule 5: Flipping burgers is not beneath your dignity. Your Grandparents had a different word for burger flipping: they called it opportunity.

Rule 6: If you mess up, it's not your parents' fault, so don't whine about your mistakes; learn from them.

Rule 7: Before you were born, your parents weren't as boring as they are now. They got that way from paying your bills, cleaning your clothes and listening to you talk about how cool you thought you were. So before you save the rain forest from the parasites of your parent's generation, try delousing the closet in your own room.

Rule 8: Your school may have done away with winners and losers, but life HAS NOT. In some schools, they have abolished failing grades and they'll give you as MANY TIMES as you want to get the right answer. This doesn't bear the slightest resemblance to ANYTHING in real life.

Rule 9: Life is not divided into semesters. You don't get summers off and very few employers are interested in helping you FIND YOURSELF. Do that on your own time.

Rule 10: Television is NOT real life. In real life people actually have to leave the coffee shop and go to jobs.

Rule 11: Be nice to nerds. Chances are you'll end up working for one.
Christianity and Secularism at a crossroads in America
Fun fact: this is not a single animal.

This Portuguese Man O’ War (Physalia physalis) is a colony of animals called a siphonophore. Although it resembles a jellyfish, the PMOW is comprised of a colony of four types of separate polyps, called zooids. Although they are individual animals, these zooids are so specialized that they cannot live without each other. The large, gas filled float at the surface of the water is made of an individual polyp called a pneumatophore. Generally translucent and usually tinged with a beautiful purple, pink or blue hue, the float can be up to 15 cm high.
The feeding tentacles are made of polyps called gastrozooids, the defensive/prey tentacles are made of polyps called dactylozooids, and the reproductive part of the PMOW is made of polyps called gonozooids. Amazingly, the tentacles can grow as long as 165 feet.

Photo credit:
Welcome to Family Labels
Family Labels began in 1996 and has been bringing the personalized family character images into homes with an assortment of useful items that families use every day. Our flagship Return Address Labels have been a hit since the day we started. We help you custom create your family by selecting the look that resembles each member of your family and the family pets.
Like the comedian Jim Gaffigan pointed out, a lot of our holiday traditions seem like the actions of a drunk. Who chops down a tree and drags it inside their house (without drinking a 12 pack of beer and a half pint of whiskey first)? But our holiday oddities seem quaint and homey compared to some of the bizarre things they do to celebrate Christmas around the world.

In Catalonia, families gather around the "caga tio," a log that's decorated with a cartoon face and plied with treats in the weeks before Christmas. On Christmas day, the children sing a song and beat the log with sticks until it 'poops' out presents (caga is the Catalonian equivalent of 'caca,' and means 'pooping').

In Austria, the Christmas season kicks off on Dec. 5 with Krampusnacht Krampus, St. Nick's demonic polar opposite, is a goat-horned devil that shakes fistfuls of rusty chains at passing children. According to legend, naughty kids are snatched by Krampus and dragged to his mountain lair. In more recent years, the custom has morphed into a sort of Halloween in December, giving people a chance to dress up and parade around in their ghoulish costumes.

In the Netherlands, the Dutch add a little fear to their holiday celebrations with Zwarte Piet. In a rather racist custom that has persisted to this day, Zwarte Piet, or Black Peter, is Santa's slave who abducts Dutch children that misbehave, taking them back to Spain, where it is said that Santa and Peter spend their off-season. In a scene many Americans would find shocking, the Dutch dress up as Black Peter, donning black face and Afro wigs, in order to accompany Santa.

So don't be too critical when Dad dresses up at Santa this year and smells a little like scotch and cigarettes. It could be a lot worse.

Woman says hypnotists stole her cash
MOSCOW - A Russian woman told police two other women robbed her by using hypnotism to trick her into handing over $40,000. The Moscow woman told police the thieves approached her after she withdrew the money from her bank account and hypnotized her to convince her to hand over the cash to break a spell placed on her husband and son, RIA Novosti reported Friday. Police said the thieves could face a possible 10 years in jail if they are caught and convicted.

Turn mints into a serving tray! Just arrange on a cookie sheet lined with parchment paper, and bake at 350 for 8-10 minutes. Then let completely cool at room temperature. After your party, break and keep in a candy jar! Great idea for a plate of cookies you don't have to get back. Love this for delivering Christmas cookies.
Dogs chase burglar after presents
GAINSVILLE, Fla. - Score one for man's best friend: Barking dogs chased a would-be robber targeting Christmas gifts out of a Florida home, police said. Timothy Devon Lawrence, 36, of Gainsville, Fla., broke into a home around 3 a.m. as the homeowners were asleep upstairs and was allegedly ready to boost some 18 packages, police said. That's when the victim's alert pooches awoke and began barking, the Gainsville (Fla.) Sun said Wednesday. When the victim opened her bedroom door, the dogs raced downstairs and chased Lawrence out of the house. The woman called police who used canines of their own to track the suspect to a nearby residence where Lawrence had also tried to break in, officers said. He allegedly was found hiding in nearby bushes and charged with burglary, grand theft and possession of a concealed firearm, police said.

The wriggly beetle larvae known as mealworms could one day dominate supermarket shelves as a more sustainable alternative to chicken, beef, pork and milk, researchers say.

Do you think you could bring yourself to sink your teeth into a mealworm-burger? One day you might have to...and it might not even be that bad.

Conventional livestock take up so much in the way of environmental resources that some have long suggested that creatures lower down in the food chain - insects - might in theory provide just as much protein in a more environmentally friendly way. However, little data are available on the environmental impacts associated with insect production, said researcher Dennis Oonincx at Wageningen University in the Netherlands.

The researchers found that growing mealworms released less greenhouse gases than producing cow milk, chicken, pork and beef. They also discovered that growing mealworms takes up only about 10 percent of the land used for production of beef, 30 percent of the land used for pork and 40 percent of the land needed for chickens to generate similar amounts of protein.

The biggest objection this idea faces is probably the squeamishness the public has toward eating insects.

"We need to promote a campaign along the lines of, 'If it's okay to eat sushi, it's okay to eat insects,'" Fisher said. "If you eat lobster, eating insects is pretty much the same thing."

Moreover, people might not have to eat the insects directly. Rather, they could be ground up and used as protein-rich supplements to food, Fisher noted.

As to what mealworms taste like, "it depends on what you fed them, but most times they're a bit nutty-flavored," Fisher said. "People love them if they're cooked right.
origami christmas tree
Video instructions to learn how
Beginning scene of the new HBO series The Newsroom explaining why America's Not the Greatest Country Any Longer... But It Can Be.

A response to a mistake,
That when offered is suspected,
In desperation it is expressed,
The truth is apparently rejected.

ANSWER: An excuse.

QUOTE: "I'm like a duck: calm above the water, and paddling like hell underneath."

HINT: Played three seasons (1947-48, 1948-49, and 1949-50) with the New York Rangers. He was the coach of the Flyers when they won the Stanley Cup in 1974 and 1975.

ANSWER: Fred Shero


Frank Sinatra always carried a roll of dimes.

On December 16, 1811, an earthquake caused parts of the Mississippi to appear to flow backwards.

The body creates and kills 17 million red blood cells per second.

The eruption of the Grimsvotn volcano in November 2004 blasted gas emissions so high that airlines were forced to divert their flights.

The tin can was invented by Peter Durand in 1810. The modern can opener was not invented until 1856. Before the can opener, people used a chisel and hammer to open cans.

Cows are one of the main contributors to global warming. In the United States, cattle release some 5.5 million metric tons of methane annually.

"A woman in Spain was arrested for stashing three pounds of cocaine in her breast implants. I thought, 'That's quite a bust.'" -Craig Ferguson

The phone rang. Startled, the woman picked it up.
She heard heavy breathing, and then a hoarse voice whispered in her ear, "I bet you have a tight ass with no hair."
"Why, yeah," the woman said. "He's drinking beer and watching TV. Who shall I say is calling?"

"And now The Mayan Channel forecast. Thursday: cloudy, chance of showers, high 39. Friday: volcanos, asteroid strikes, apocalypse." -Dave Letterman

"This week, police in Ohio had to break up a fight between two neighbors with the last names Hall and Oates. But don't worry. It was quickly broken up by officers Simon and Garfunkel." -Jimmy Fallon

"A thief broke into a house in Alaska and found $100,000 but only took $20,000. Police are searching for a man with simple dreams." -Conan O'Brien

"There are parts of California that are as spectacular as anywhere in the country. Especially the part of California known as 'not L.A.'" -Craig Ferguson

"Camping Tips"

Q. What equipment will I need to go camping?
A. You need a tent. Tent sizes are measured in units of men, as in "a three-man tent"; this tells you how many men are required to erect the tent if they are all professional tent engineers. Even then, the tent will collapse under unusual weather conditions, such as nightfall. You will also need a hatchet, for the spiders, and a credit card, for the motel.

Q. Where should I go camping?
A. The United States has a spectacular national park system with millions of unspoiled acres where wildlife is protected by federal laws. Avoid these places. You want a commercial facility with a name like "The Stop 'n' Squat Kountry Kamp-ground," where large animals cannot fit through the 6-inch gaps between the Winnebagos.

Q. How much food should I take?
A. A lot. You'll be providing food not only for your family, but also for the entire raccoon community. When I was a boy in rural Armonk, our garbage cans were regularly terrorized by a gang of brilliant criminal raccoons. I recall being awakened at 3 a.m. by loud noises and looking out the window to see, by moonlight, my father, a peace-loving Presbyterian minister, charging around in the bushes, wildly swinging a baseball bat and saying non-Presbyterian words.
Of course, he did not get the raccoons; you NEVER get the raccoons.

Q. What if I get lost?
A. If you don't have a compass, stand very still and listen very carefully, until you hear this sound: "eh-eh-eh." That is Canada. Whatever you do, don't go that way.
Christmas Tree Cinnamon Rolls

Jill was discussing the various aspects and possible outcome of the Insurance policy with the man at the Insurance Agency.
During the discussion, she asked, "Suppose I take the life insurance for my husband today and tomorrow he dies? What will I get?"
The agent eyed her suspiciously and replied, "Probably 20 to life."

The oldest and strongest emotion of mankind is fear, and the oldest and strongest kind of fear is fear of the unknown.
--H.P. LOVECRAFT, Supernatural Horror in Literature

Speaking the Truth in times of universal deceit is a revolutionary act.
--George Orwell
Look back over the past, with its changing empires that rose and fell, and you can foresee the future, too.--Marcus Aurelius

My biggest problem with modernity may lie in the growing separation of the ethical and the legal. --Nassim Taleb

The crisis currently playing out on the world stage is a crisis of growth. Not, as we are regularly told, a crisis caused by too little growth, but by too much of it. Banks grew so big that their collapse would have brought down the entire global economy.
To prevent this, they were bailed out with huge tranches of public money, which in turn is precipitating social crises on the streets of western nations. The European Union has grown so big, and so unaccountable, that it threatens to collapse in on itself. Corporations have grown so big that they are overwhelming democracies and building a global plutocracy to serve their own interests. -Paul Kingsworth, Journalist

The right to be let alone is indeed the beginning of all freedom.
~ Supreme Court Justice Douglas

New Grocery Tip:
"I recently started grinding my own meat (I found my great grandmother's antique meat grinder and thought it would be fun to try), and I was really surprised at the outcome. I like the fact that I can control the amount of fat that's included, and the cleanliness of the area it's ground in. It also seems to taste better. I'm not sure if that's because I had to work for it, or because it's fresher. But it also wound up being cheaper, the super lean cuts of meat I used were actually priced lower per pound at my local grocery store than ground chuck. I'm planning on making caseless sausage when pork goes on sale." - Lindsay

Printable Grocery and Menu Planners

Helping Children Deal with Tragedy - Quick Tips for Parents
1. Children need comforting and frequent reassurance that they’re safe make sure they get it.
2. Be honest and open about the tragedy or disaster.
3. Encourage children to express their feelings through talking, drawing or playing.
4. Try to maintain your daily routines as much as possible.
Mental Health America (for parents)

So the Mayan apocalypse was supposed to occur on December 21, this Friday. Should you have worried about it? If you play by the numbers there are much more imminent dangers that should probably be occupying your mind.
Random Facts:

Approximately 800 tornadoes are reported in the United States each year, causing eighty fatalities and 1,500 injuries. A tornado can happen in any season and at any hour, from mountains to urban areas.

Lightning is a leading cause of weather-related injury and even death in the United States. Lightning strikes the Earth more than 5,000 times every minute. Your odds of being struck by lightning in America are 1 in 700,000 in any given year. About 10 percent of lightning-strike victims are killed.

QUOTE: "One of the serious obstacles to the improvement of our race is indiscriminate charity."

HINT: This famous philanthropist had a hall named after him.

ANSWER: Andrew Carnegie.


There are 32 species of marine dolphins, four types of river dolphins, and six types of porpoises. The distinction between dolphin and porpoises is often blurred, but generally porpoises have spade-shaped teeth and blunt rounded faces. Dolphins have teeth shaped like rounded cones set in jaws that extend in a snout or beak.

A baby dolphin is born tail-first to prevent drowning. After the mother breaks the umbilical cord by swiftly swimming away, she must immediately return to her baby and take it to the surface to breathe.

A dolphin's body has adapted to avoid the bends (the formation of air bubbles in blood and tissue as a diver returns to the surface of the water) by completely collapsing its ribcage, forcing the air under pressure out of its lungs and into the windpipe and the complex air chambers that lie below the blowhole.

Dolphins don't have a sense of smell, but they do have a sense of taste and, like humans, can distinguish between sweet, sour, bitter, and salty tastes.

Dolphins also "see" with sounds. They emit a series of clicks and pings that travel long distances through water. When the sound hits an object, echoes are bounced back to the dolphin, enabling it to literally hear distance, shape, density, movement, and texture of an object.

A dolphin can produce whistles for communication and clicks for sonar at the same time, which would be like a human speaking in two voices, with two different pitches, holding two different conversations.

Some names of the weirdest, strangest, most bizarre streets you have ever traveled down, on, and over. Here are ten of my favorites... thus far!

1. Easy Street
2. Alimony Lane
3. Tapeworm Road
4. That Rd.
5. Cold Bath Road
6. Chicken Dinner Road
7. Bare Creek Road
8. Whistle Punk Rd.
9. Monkey Wrench Lane
10. That-A-Way Rd. and This-A-Way Rd.

Please send me more. These street names are blowing my mind, and they're making me giggle like a little girl.


Two Cartons of Yogurt Walk into a Bar

Two cartons of yogurt walk into a bar.
The bartender, who was a tub of cottage cheese, says to them, "We don't serve your kind in here."
One of the yogurt cartons says back to him, "Why not? We're cultured individuals."

Who Gave You Those Beauties?

A regular at the bar came in one evening sporting a matched pair of swollen black eyes that appeared extremely painful.
"Whoa, Sam!" said the bartender. "Who gave those beauties to you?"
"Nobody gave them to me," said Sam. "I had to fight like crazy for both of them."

Q and A Quickies

Q: Do you know the punishment for bigamy?
A: Two mothers-in-law!

Q: Why do men take showers instead of baths?
A: Because peeing in the bath is disgusting!

Drunk patron leads to drink limit for pool
MUNICH, Germany - A German pool complex said a drunken guest biting police officers was the last straw leading to a three-drink limit for visitors. The Erding Thermal baths near Munich, which features a bar in a warm water pool, said it has had problems with drunken guests for years, but the last straw was a 35-year-old Austrian man who was naked and causing a disturbance in one of the saunas, The reported Tuesday. The complex said the man pushed a security guard into a pool and pulled out a chunk of the other man's hair. Police arrived and the man bit a female officer in the thigh and a male officer in the arm. Police said the man injured a third officer's shoulder. Officials at the resort said the incident has resulted in the imposition of a three-drink limit for guests. "This was the final straw," said Jorg Wund, manager if the Erding Thermal Baths. "Self control does not work."

They say that you learn quite a bit from the people around you. Your parents, friends, co-workers, siblings, teachers, and I'm going to stop there to save time. I have learned a lot from many of those people that I listed, but the one I've learned the most from has been... a snowman.

Every winter a snowman informs me of several key life-lessons that have help to mold me into the man I am today.

Here's a prime example of his wisdom: Avoid yellow snow.

Now that's good advice. Take a look below and discover all you'll ever need to know thanks to a snowman.

And just in case you were wondering, I'm NOT crazy.


** It's okay if you're a little bottom heavy.
** Hold your ground, even when the heat is on.
** Wearing white is always appropriate.
** Winter is the best of the four seasons.
** It takes a few extra rolls to make a good midsection.
** There's nothing better than a foul weather friend.
** We're all made up of mostly water.
** You know you've made it when they write a song about you.
** Accessorize! Accessorize! Accessorize!
** Avoid yellow snow. Don't get too much sun.
** It's embarrassing when you can't look down and see your feet.
** It's fun to hang out in your front yard.
** There's no stopping you once you're on a roll.
** It's not the size of the carrot, but the placement that counts.
This site explores the funnier side of our inventive spirit by featuring actual USA patented products. You won't believe some of the products that have been patented!

Red Remover
"You hate red! You click the red boxes to destroy them! You LIKE green! You save those green boxes! Now you play many many levels!

"A new poll revealed that 44 percent of Americans think Santa is a Democrat and 28 percent believe he is a Republican. And the other 28 percent said to please stop bothering me with stupid questions." -Jimmy Kimmel

"Scientists in Australia have created a pineapple that tastes like a coconut. Took them long enough." -Jimmy Fallon

"Christmas is just around the corner. It's just under two weeks away, and today Santa released 10 years of tax returns." -Dave Letterman

Once upon a time, there were four people; Their names were Everybody, Somebody, Nobody and Anybody.

Whenever there was an important job to be done, Everybody was sure that Somebody would do it. Anybody could have done it, but Nobody did it.

When Nobody did it, Everybody got angry because it was Everybody's job.

Everybody thought that Somebody would do it, but Nobody realized that Nobody would do it.

So consequently Everybody blamed Somebody when Nobody did what Anybody could have done in the first place.

To see what is in front of one's nose needs a constant struggle. --George Orwell

Stress in life comes from making things more important that they really are. Failure comes from making things less important than they really are.--Tony Robbins

Every generation imagines itself to be more intelligent than the one that went before it, and wiser than the one that comes after it.--George Orwell

The fate of nations is intimately bound up with their powers of reproduction. All nations and all empires first felt decadence gnawing at them when their birth rate fell off.--Benito Mussolini
[BTW, the birth rate of the US has declined significantly...]

We must use terror, assassination, intimidation, land confiscation, and the cutting of all social services to rid the Galilee of its Arab population.--Israel Koenig, "The Koenig Memorandum"

Everywhere the human soul stands between a hemisphere of light and another of darkness; on the confines of the two everlasting empires, necessity and free will.~ Thomas Carlyle
The Mayan Apocalypse is almost here. We're so confident that we'd survive the phenomenon that we're releasing this commemorative "I Survived The Mayan Apocalypse" T-Shirt one day early. Get yours over at the NeatoShop*: Link

The Best Astronomy Images of 2012

I couldn’t pick just 10—you have to see all 21 of these mind-bending shots.

Little Red Wagon
Thanks, Phlax
Mossy's Fly Shop
Aug 23, 2012 9:05am
A friend sent me this. Homer Halibut, this is pretty damn cool!
Noon in the jungle.

Under a tree a lion tries to sleep, when he hears strange laughing. He rises and strolls to the bushes where the laughter seems to come from. Behind the bush a group of elephant bulls is sitting in a circle and they are laughing their heads off.
Lion: "Hey elephants, why are you laughing?"
Elephant: "We are fucking some monkeys"
Lion: "Well, I do that as well, but I don't see what's so funny about it."
Elephant: "Because they don't burst when YOU cum."
(Alternatively: "Because they don't turn inside-out when YOU pull it out.")
Leaving A Good Impression
Be naughty
Hubble cards
This year, say it in stars! Send your friends and relatives best wishes for the season with our printable holiday cards. Messages of joy and peace are illuminated by the natural splendor of the universe. The cards are designed to be printed out at photo stores or online photo labs, though you can also use a home printer.
Spider is a Master of Subterfuge

Researchers from the Tambopata Research Center in Peru think they've discovered a new type of spider from the genus Cyclosa. This genus is known to create distractions or attractions for predators or prey using collected debris placed in their webs. Pictured above is a "decoy" spider that the much smaller occupant of the web created using matter it scavenged from the rainforest. The spider then made its creation move when the web was approached. If this is indeed a new species of Cyclosa, it is the first variety known to construct a larger model of itself for protection.

Learn more about this clever spider at the Tambopata Research Center blog. Link -via
On your marks... Get set... GO!!

Racetrack Playa in Death Valley California. This area has been the center of scientific controversy for decades. Why? At this location an amazingly large number or rocks and boulders (some weighing up to half a tonne) have been regularly moving across the surface, without any human or animal interference, and they are not just moving a small distance; one travel path was recorded at 880.73 meters!
Some scientists have proposed that the movement is caused by strong winds accompanied by the development of surface ice when temperatures fall. It is hypothesized that the development of ice allows the wind to move the rocks with less difficultly. This hypothesis, however, is commonly refuted. The hypothesis cannot account for rocks starting side-by-side and moving at different rates and in disparate directions, and sliding rock trails vary in direction and length. Some rocks which start next to each other start out traveling parallel, but one may abruptly change direction to the left, right, or even back the direction it came from. Length also varies because two similarly size and shaped rocks could travel uniform, then one could burst ahead or stop dead in its tracks.
Another hypothesis proposed is that another force is present; electromagnetism. Air passing through the valley is positively charged, since it has passed over the highest mountains in the Lower 48 to get into the valley, and since positive charge increases with altitude. The electric charge in the air induces an opposite charge in the Earth, creating an electrostatic potential between them. Dolomite, being composed of calcium, magnesium, and sometimes with traces of iron, is a good conductor. Being in contact with the surface, it will be negatively charged, and will therefore be attracted to the positive charge in the air above. Sticking up above the perfectly flat playa, the rocks will concentrate the lines of force on themselves, accentuating the effect. The electric force will then exert an uplifting force on the rock, reducing the friction caused by gravity, and allowing it to travel more easily.
This hypothesis is also widely discredited. A team of interns from NASA’s Lunar and Planetary Science Academy went to Racetrack Playa last year to investigate. They found that there are no electromagnetic or radiation anomalies that would account for the movement, and they also found no patterns in the mass, direction and orientation in the moving stones.
There are several other explanations offered by the scientific community, but as of yet, none are set in stone!! ;)Here is yet another hypothesis, this time regarding the role of filamentous bacteria in the movement:
Every year over 100 Christmas trees are ruthlessly massacred and why? -So the lions, tigers and other cats of the Big Cat Rescue have a fun enrichment at Christmas time. Even if they don't celebrate Christmas they still love rubbing their scent all over these new trees.
Redditor colt1hryh headlined this "Not photoshoped picture of Australia at the moment." Obviously, because even I can use Photoshop better than this! The comments are golden, especially this one:
Australian here. This actually looks like a pretty standard Friday afternoon.
Further updates may follow, if at all possible. Link
'How a Woman from NY wraps Christmas Presents'
Yes, it does matter where you put the label
Thanks, Mike
Is Mistletoe Really the “Kiss of Death”?
Many folk tales describe Mistletoe as so poisonous that humans can be killed if they ingest the leaves or berries. This myth has been endlessly repeated throughout the years, reappearing every December in countless holiday safety reports on television and in print.
Is it true? Is American Mistletoe really a holiday killer?
Click here for the full story…
A hot meal
"Since all the Heaven's Gates members were discovered wearing Nike sneakers,
do you think Nike might change their slogan to
'Maybe You Should Think About It'?"
-- Scott Adams, DNRC Newsletter 14.0
"... You can at least teach a dingo to fetch. The problem is, it can take years to teach it the difference between a baby and a stick." -- Kerry Cue (in "The Advertiser", 13/10/1997)
They are still at it:
My Beloved!
Peace be Upon You
I am glad to know you, but God knows you better and he knows why he has directed me to you at this point in time so do not be afraid.
I am Mrs Hisham Latifa, and i have been suffering from ovarian cancer disease and the doctor says that i have just short time to leave. I am from (Paris) France but based in Africa Burkina Faso since eight years ago as a business woman dealing with gold exportation.
Now that i am about to end the race like this, without any family members and no child. I have $3 Million US DOLLARS inAfrica Development Bank (ADB) Burkina Faso which i instructed the bank to give (St Andrews Missionary Home) in Burkina Faso. But my mind is not at rest because i am writing this letter now through the help of my computer beside my sick bed.
I also have (€4.5 Euros) at United Global Security Company (UGSC) here in Burkina Faso and i instructed the Company to release the boxe to the first foreigner that will apply to the Company after i have gone that they should release the boxe to him/her, but you will assure me that you will take 50% of the money and give 50% to the orphanages home in your country for my heart to rest with GOD.
As soon as I receive your reply I shall give you the contact of the Company in Burkina Faso if you can do this kindly return back to me immediately before death cross my way so that i will send to you a copy of my international passport which you will show to the Company to make the Company know that i instructed you to contact them for the release of my fund to you, so that you can fulfill my dream of building an orphanage home in your country,If you are interested to help kindly respond back to me.
Yours Dieing Sister
Mrs Hisham Latifa.
Why post an end-of-the-year list when you can post an all-time list? Zooborns celebrated their 2,000th post recently, and bloggers Chris Eastland and Andrew Bleiman are marking the occasion by ranking the cutest baby animals ever featured on the site. Squee! Each photograph includes information about the animal and the zoo or sanctuary in which it lives. Link

Carlisle H. Dickson's "interpersonal-introduction signalling system," patented in 1979, takes some of the pain out of the singles scene. Each person at a gathering carries a transceiver encoded with his or her own characteristics and preferences. So, for example, a woman can program her receiver to ignore every message except "I am a male, I want to dance with you, my music preference is hard rock." When that signal is received, her receiver signals that the man can approach "with confidence not only of mutual interest, but of receptive mood."
At this point the man doesn't know exactly who or where she is, only that there's a (minimally) compatible woman somewhere in the crowd. He begins to home in her using something like a Geiger counter, and this gives her time to spot him and change her mind -- "at any time she may switch off her receiver, transmitter or both."
"In a particularly novel construction, the apparatus may be further provided with a decoy means such that if the receiving party decides not to meet, the apparatus can be switched to create a false signal, such as the reversing of the characteristic created to assist the parties approaching each other."
Application to Live in Kentucky

Name:__________________________ Nickname:_________________________________

CB Handle Model:_____________________ Color:______________

Address (RFD No.):_________________--_____________________________________

Daddy (If unknown, list 3 suspects):______________________________________


Neck Shade: _____Light Red _____Medium Red _____Dark Red

Number of teeth exposed in full grin: Upper_____ Lower_____

Name of Pickup owned:_______________ Height of Truck__________

Truck equipped with:
____Gun Rack ____4-Wheel Drive ____Confederate Flag
____8-Track Cassettes ____Load of Wood ____Hijacker Shocks
____Radar Detector ____Mag Wheels ____Dual CB Antennas
____Spittoon ____Camper Top ____Air Horns
____Mud Flaps ____Toothpick Holder ____Mud-Grip Tires
____Raccoon Hide ____Big Dog ____Hunting Rifle

Number of empty beer cans on floorboard or in bed of pickup truck:_____

____I Brake For Nuthin' ____National Rifle Association
____Eat more Possum ____My other car is a piece of shit too
____Honk if you love Jesus ____If you ain't a cowboy you aint shit
____Redman Chewing Tobacco ____Wave if you're horny
____Don't Like My Driving? Dial 1-800-Eat-Shit
____If You Can Read This, Then You's Too Smart For Kentucky

Define the following (must be 90% correct):

1. Grits 6. Sawmill Gravy 11. Cobbler 16. Tater
2. Goobers 7. Turnip Salad 12. Fatback 17. Pig Skins
3. Pinto Beans 8. Shit-on-a-Shingle 13. Tote 18. Okrie
4. Collards 9. Redeye Gravy 14. Chickin'Fry 19. Shonuf
5. Sidemeat 10. Soppin' Syrup 15. Poke 20. Chitlins

Favorite Vocalist:

____Reba McEntire ____Conway Twitty ____Loretta Lynn
____Hank Williams Jr. ____Randy Travis ____Ray Wylie Hubbard
____Tammy Wynette ____Slim Whitman ____Porter Wagoner
____Willie Nelson ____George Jones ____Box Car Willie

Favorite Recreation:

____Square Dancin' ____Possum Huntin' ____Skinny Dippin'
____Craw Daddin' ____Gospel Singin' ____4-Wheelin'
____Drankin' ____Spittin' Backy ____Bill Chip Throwin'
____Honky Tonkin' ____Noodlin' ____Other

Name of Son(s): ____Bubba ____Jim Bob ____LeeRoy ____J.D.
____Bill Lee ____Bob Lee ____Duke

Name of Daughter(s): ____PammySue ____Violet ____Paulette ____Daisy

Weapons Owned:

___Deer Rifle ___Sawed-Off Shotgun ___Varmit Rifle ___Log Cabin
___Tire Iron ___Power Chain Saw ___Pick Handle ___Hick'ry Switch

Number of Dogs: ____ Type: ___Blue Tick ___Beagle
___Black & Tan ___Bird Dawg

Cap Emblem: ___John Deer ___McCullock Chain Saws ___Budweiser
___Vo-Tech ___Skoal ___Coors
___N.R.A. ___Redman ___Kodiak
___NAPA ___Smile if You're Not Wearing Underwear

Number of Dependends: Legal:________ Claimed:_________

Number of Weeks Unemployed:__________

Number of Welfare Checks Received:____________


___KKK ___NRA ___Moose ___PTL Club ___AA
___Bass Club ___VFW ___Quiltin' Bee ___American Legion
___United Sons/Daughters of the Confederacy
___John Birch Society

Length of Right leg:________ Length of Left leg:__________

Number of Testicles Shot off in 'Nam____ Number of Testicles Left____

Does your truck contain some part painted the offical state color of Primer Red?
___Yes ___No

How many cars do you have jacked up on blocks in your front yard?_______

How many kitchen appliances will you keep on your front porch?__________

Will you wear mostly double-knit polyester pants with snags?____________

Do you own any shoes? ____Yes ____No If yes, how many?__________

What year did you last purchase shoes?_________________

Are you married to any of the following:

____Sister ____Cousin ____Sow

Do you know her name?________________

Does your wife weigh more than your pickup?____________

Can you sign your name and get the spelling right every time?____________

Have you ever stayed sober for a whole weekend?________________

If so, why?______________________________________________________________

Can you count: Past 10 with your shoes on?_________________
To 21 with your fly up?_____________________

Do you know any words that have more than four letters?__________________

Have you ever had more than one bath in a week?__________________________

Medical Information:

Do you have at least two of the following:

___BO ___Crabs ___Head Lice ___Rabies
___Trench Mouth ___Runny Nose ___Bad Breath ___Chafing

Don't think of it as being outnumbered, think of it as a wide target selection.
Some beauty parlors do a great job.
One young man followed a young woman for twenty blocks.
Then he found out it was his grandmother.
Hot gingerbread
Unable to attend the funeral after his father died, a son who lived far away called his brother and told him, "Do something nice for Dad and send me the bill." Later, he got a bill for $200.00, which he paid.
The next month, he got another bill for $200.00, which he also paid, figuring it was some incidental expense.
Bills for $200.00 kept arriving every month, and finally the man called his brother again to find out what was going on.
"Well," said the other brother, "you said to do something nice for Dad. So I rented him a tuxedo."
Mother-in-law: I baked two kinds of cookies today. Would you like to take your pick?
Son-in-law: No thanks. I'll just use the hammer.

Guns are used to perpetuate dominance and abuse far more often than they are used for self defense.
FACT 1. U.S. women's firearm death rate is 12 times higher than the combined rate of 22 other high-income countries.
FACT 2. Gun owners are 7.8 times more likely than non-gun owners to have threatened their partners with guns.
FACT 3. Over 90 percent of female homicide victims are killed by someone they know.
Read more facts about women and gun violence:
Though I'm sure they'll still believe what they 'feel' is correct, next time someone tries to argue with you about the effectiveness of gun control, here and around the world, be sure to forward this document. It's pretty hard to argue with facts and statistics.
Meatloaf Underwear
Meatloaf underwear
Gynecology Exam
After examining a young blonde at her first visit to the gynecology ward, I explained,
“Because of the cuts, most doctors work part-time, so you might not see the same doctor every time.”
“So you work part-time too?” she questioned.
“No, I’m full-time,” I replied, “but I only fill the vending machines.”
Bon appetit!
Reindeer ornament
COLUMBIA, S.C., May 29. -- Closely following the appearance of the hand of flame in the heavens above Ohio comes a story from Darlington County, in this State, of a flying serpent. Last Sunday evening, just before sunset, Miss Ida Davis and her two younger sisters were strolling through the woods, when they were suddenly startled by the appearance of a huge serpent moving through the air above them. The serpent was distant only two or three rods when they first beheld it, and was sailing through the air with a speed equal to that of a hawk or buzzard, but without any visible means of propulsion. Its movements in its flight resembled those of a snake, and it looked a formidable object as it wound its way along, being apparently about 15 feet in length. The girls stood amazed and followed it with their eyes until it was lost to view in the distance. The flying serpent was also seen by a number of people in other parts of the county early in the afternoon of the same day, and by those it is represented as emitting a hissing noise which could be distinctly heard.
-- New York Times, May 30, 1888
Mice Found In Packaging
Recently there has been a high level concern about an outbreak of mice in some U.S. shipping warehouses.
The FDA has indicated that mice have been found in product packaging.
Make sure you check everything you buy that is pre-packaged.
This mouse was found at Wal-Mart inside a box of Viagra.
Viagra mouse
On Sept. 12, 1952, three West Virginia boys saw a floating reddish sphere drop behind a hill, where it emitted a steady glow. As they went to investigate, they were joined by a local beautician and three others boys.
A dog ran ahead of the group, barked furiously at something, and fled with its tail between its legs. The first boys to reach the site saw a "big ball of fire" among a foul-smelling mist to their right. To their left were two points of light. When one boy turned his flashlight on them, the group saw a grotesque, armless creature with a head shaped like the "ace of spades," with a circular window through which two pale blue beams of light played.
The creature, which was more than 6 feet tall, glided toward the group at first, then turned toward the glowing ball as the group fled. When a reporter from the Braxton Democrat arrived at the scene, he noticed an unusual odor in the grass that irritated his nose and throat.
No one knows what the group saw that night, but the most likely explanation seems to be a meteor and a startled barn owl. Flatwoods held a "monster festival" in September 2002, on the 50th anniversary of the event; the alien, if that's what it was, failed to attend.
In 1866 Mark Twain embarked on a lecture tour in California. He wrote the handbills himself:
twain lecture handbill
In Nevada City, he proposed to perform the following "wonderful feats of sleight of hand" after the lecture:
At a given signal, he will go out with any gentleman and take a drink. If desired, he will repeat this unique and interesting feat -- repeat it until the audience are satisfied that there is no more deception about it.
At a moment's warning, he will depart out of town and leave his hotel bill unsettled. He has performed this ludicrous feat many hundreds of times, in San Francisco, and elsewhere, and it has always elicited the most enthusiastic comments.
"The lecturer declines to specify any more of his miraculous feats at present," he wrote, "for fear of getting the police too much interested in his circus."
Stop manogamy
n. a tale that evokes joy and sadness simultaneously
v. to sing and weep at the same time
Letter to the Times, Jan. 15, 1915:
May I add another illustration to those which have already appeared in your columns, showing how near two lives can bring together events which seem so far apart? I remember my father telling me how, when he was attending a country grammar school in 1805, one day the master came in, full of a strange excitement, and exclaimed, 'Boys, we've won a great victory!' Then he stopped, burst into tears, and added, 'But Nelson -- Nelson is killed!' When I was myself a boy Waterloo was a recent event, and even 'the '45' was remembered and talked about.
In a few weeks I shall be 85, but I can still ride my bicycle.
William Wood, DD
Letter to the Times, Aug. 19, 1930:
Sir, In one of the loveliest gardens in the West of Scotland, opened freely on certain days to a vast public from Glasgow and that neighbourhood, courteous notices everywhere intimated that 'Visitors are requested not to pick the flowers without leave.' A waggish tourist went round with a paint brush, adding an 's' to the word 'leave,' with the deplorable result that not only were flowers plucked, but whole plants -- flowers, leaves, and roots -- were excavated and carried off.
Yours, &c.
David Hunter-Blair
Vodka Saves Elephants' Lives during Harsh Russian Winter
Oh, vodka! Is there anything you can't do?
Circus trainers claim two of their elephants were saved from the deadly Siberian cold by vodka.
Emergency ministry spokesman Alexander Davydov said Friday that the elephants were in a trailer that caught fire Thursday outside the city of Novosibirsk, forcing trainers to take them out into the bitter cold before another truck arrived to deliver them to a warm gym at a local community college.
The Komsomolskaya Pravda daily reported that trainer Leonid Labo had the animals, aged 45 and 48, drink 10 liters (2.6 gallons) of vodka diluted in warm water — and a veterinarian said later that only the tips of their ears were frostbitten.
Its beginning to feel a lot like fuck this
This is a great idea: a hall tree for your desk! The Spruce Clamp, made by Layer X Layer, clamps on the edge of your desk where you can hang wires, jewelry, glasses, reminders, and other clutter to keep it off the surface. A Christmas ornament or two would look good on it, too! Each is made to order of 100% wood and costs $135, but I bet you can fashion your own if you want to. Link -via The Wirecutter
"While an author is yet living, we estimate his powers by his worst performance; and when he is dead, we rate them by his best." -- Samuel Johnson
Here's a math quiz that starts out deceptively simple and slow, but gradually becomes more difficult while you're telling yourself how well you're doing. Before you know it, you're scrambling to keep up! I got to one point where I didn't even recognize the symbols, but figured it out somehow. Don't scroll down to check the high scores; they will just make you feel bad. Link -via mental_floss
What are your thoughts on this?

Rape has become a pandemic in South Africa, so a medical technician named Sonette Ehlers developed a product that immediately got national attention there. Ehlers had never forgotten a rape victim telling her formerly, " If only i had teeth down there." Some time afterward, a man came into the hospital where Ehlers works in excruciating pain becaused his penis was
stuck in his zipper. Ehlers merged thouse images and came up with a product she called RAPEX. It resembles a tube, with barbs inside. The woman inserts it like a tampon, with an applicator, and any man who tries to rape the woman impales himself on the barbs and must go to an emergencey room to have the RAPEX removed.
When critics complained that it was a medieval punishment, Ehlers replied tersely, " A medieval device for a medieval deed."
When a tiger mom abandoned her cubs at a Russian zoo, Tallim, a white Swiss Shepherd, stepped in to nurse the cubs and serve as their surrogate mother. Let's just hope the job came with some ear plugs.
The Discus Fish Nurses Its Young
discus fish
The discus fish doesn't have mammary glands, but the parents secrete mucous and allow their young to eat it:
Jonathan Buckley from the University of Plymouth, UK, explains that discus fish young feed on the mucus that their parents secrete over their bodies until they are big enough to forage. [...]
During the first 3 days after hatching, the fry remained attached to the cone where the parents laid their eggs, absorbing the yolk and gaining strength until all of the fry were able to swim independently. Then they left the cone en masse and began feeding on their parents' mucus, feeding for up to 10 min by biting at the parent's side until the parent expertly ‘flicked’ the shoal over to its partner to continue feeding. The parents diligently fed their young intensely for 2 weeks. However, 3 weeks after hatching the parents' behaviour began to change as they started swimming away from their young for brief periods. At the same time the fry began biting their parents less and investigating other food sources. By the fourth week the parents were actively swimming away from their brood for the majority of the time and the fry barely bit them at all.
The mucous, like a mammal's milk, is highly nutritious and just what a young discus fish needs:
Monitoring the composition of the parents' mucus before they spawned and through to the end of their parental responsibilities, Buckley found a huge increase in the mucus's antibody and protein levels when the parents laid their eggs, similar to the changes seen in mammalian milk around the time of birth. The protein and antibody levels remained high until the third week and returned to pre-spawning levels during the fourth week after hatching. Buckley suspects that the sudden increase in protein levels at spawning is hormonally regulated, much like the changes in mammalian milk, and is keen to find out more about the hormones that regulate the fish's mucus supply as they care for their young.
Best childhood memory
Largest Iceberg Break-Up Ever Filmed!
American director James Balog filmed the largest iceberg break-up ever seen. The video shows approximately 7.4 cubic kilometres of ice separating from Greenland's Illulissat glacier into the open seas - an event the director compares to watching 'Manhattan breaking apart in front of your eyes.
Just so you know where you stand with them…
Just as there is nothing certain in this world but death and taxes, there is nothing certain in language but that it will change, and that people will react badly. One of the changes people find most offensive is the spread of professional jargon that has been coined to replace simpler, clearer words we already have. Anyone up for some collaborative incentivizing going forward? No? Well, maybe one day your great-grandchildren will be. Here are 12 words that people once thought were horrible gobbledygook that nobody flinches at anymore.
What cartoon character was so influential that he convinced kids to eat vegetables? Popeye the Sailor Man... Toot toot! Here's the story of how Popeye was born
Buff snowman

Trivia Tidbits:
The Atlantic Ocean is saltier than the Pacific Ocean.
Statistically, December is the most dangerous month to fly.
It cost $3 million to build the Titanic…and $100 million to make the movie.
Produced by the students of NASA's Johnson Space Center, the video is full of rocket scientists, astronauts, and astrophysicists doing what they do. The guy in the background at 1:55 might best express your feelings about the song, but stay with it as this one is out-of-this-world -literally, with footage of the ISS included. The reworked lyrics are at the YouTube page. -via Wired
Mystery Section
Video artist Devin Supertramp (real name Devin Graham) traveled to uncharted rivers in Alaska for his latest masterpiece. He and his crew flew boat airplanes to extremely remote parts of the great state and took in all the beauty for eleven days of hiking, fishing, and nature.

Why The World Didn't End Yesterday
Yesterday? Didn't we agree that the world is going to end next week! Yes, we did. But NASA is so convinced that the world won't end on December 21, 2012, that they have released their 'Why the World Didn't End Yesterday' video early
In the 1650s an intriguing handbill appeared in London:
A merchant named Dan Edwards had brought the first coffee to England in 1652, and his Greek servant, Pasqua Rosee, opened the first coffee-house there. Evidently he saw some potential.
Ursa ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

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