Wednesday, May 22, 2013

Paws & Claws ~ We had Pi Day, St Patty's Day & tomorrow, the Sping Equinox

"Get your facts first,
     and then you can distort them
          as much as you please." 
                                 - Mark Twain 

2013 March 12
See Explanation.  Clicking on the picture will download  the highest resolution version available.
Spin up of a Supermassive Black Hole
Illustration Credit: Robert Hurt, NASA/JPL-Caltech
Explanation: How fast can a black hole spin? If any object made of regular matter spins too fast -- it breaks apart. But a black hole might not be able to break apart -- and its maximum spin rate is really unknown. Theorists usually model rapidly rotating black holes with the Kerr solution to Einstein's General Theory of Relativity, which predicts several amazing and unusual things. Perhaps its most easily testable prediction, though, is that matter entering a maximally rotating black hole should be last seen orbiting at near the speed of light, as seen from far away. This prediction was tested recently by NASA's NuSTAR and ESA's XMM satellites by observing the supermassive black hole at the center of spiral galaxy NGC 1365. The near light-speed limit was confirmed by measuring the heating and spectral line broadening of nuclear emissions at the inner edge of the surrounding accretion disk. Pictured above is an artist's illustration depicting an accretion disk of normal matter swirling around a black hole, with a jet emanating from the top. Since matter randomly falling into the black hole should not spin up a black hole this much, the NuSTAR and XMM measurements also validate the existence of the surrounding accretion disk.
2013 March 16
See Explanation.  Clicking on the picture will download  the highest resolution version available.
PanSTARRS from France
Image Credit & Copyright: Jean-Luc Dauvergne
Explanation: Still looking for that comet? Comet PanSTARRS (C/2011 L4) naked-eye appearance in the northern hemisphere is described by successful comet spotters as a dim star with a faint tail. If you want to catch it the next few days could be your best bet. Start looking low and almost due west about 45 minutes after sunset. Of course, clear skies and a pair of binoculars should help a lot. Sky photographer Jean-Luc Dauvergne found suitable weather and western horizon for this comet and crescent Moon portrait after a road trip on March 13. Seeing PanSTARRS for the first time, he recorded the beautiful twilight scene with a telephoto lens near historical Alesia in France.
thank you to @[256456554467378:274:The Irish Way]  for this
In case you didn't know it (or in case you're not an obese, basement-dwelling, World of Warcraft-playing, anime porn-surfing, official member of Starfleet command), today is Pi Day. That is 3-14. 

For those of you who failed high school geometry, Pi describes the ratio of a circle's circumference to its diameter, and is approximately equal to 3.14. 

On Pi Day nerds of all persuasions unite in their celebration of basic math and solidarity in their virginity (as long as you don't count cyber sex) and spend the day eating pies. 
Druid Code Triquetra
Irish-Gaelic translations of the druid code:

Honor - Onóir
Loyalty - Dílseacht
Courage - Misneach
Hospitality – Flaithiúlacht
Honesty - Macántacht
Justice - Cóir

The Triquetra  (Prounced try-KWET-ra, Latin for "three cornered") is one of the oldest symbols known to mankind found in almost every culture on earth dating back more than 7,000 years
The Triquetra represents the threefold nature of the Goddess as virgin, mother and crone.
It symbolizes life, death, and rebirth and the three forces of nature: earth, air, and water.
The inner three circles represent the female element and fertility.
Christians also use the symbol as Father, son, holy spirit.

"You now can take pocket knives on commercial airlines. And you can also take pool cues on commercial flights. This is great news if you're a knife-wielding pool hustler." -David Letterman

"I'm fed up with the excuses women come up with to avoid having sex, like; "I'm tired, I'm washing my hair, I've got a headache, I'm your sister..."

Legend of the Welsh Dragon
Y Ddraig Goch' (literally, the red dragon), that appears on the Welsh flag goes back centuries, even to before the invasion of Britain by the Saxons.

Ancient Welsh Druids and Pagans used the dragon to symbolise notable warriors and leaders. The great leaders of ancient legend were given the title: “Pendragon” (ie “Head Dragon”)
The story Lludd and Llefelys

There are many legends about y Ddraig Goch. According to legend, the Red Dragon resides, or resided, in Lake Bala, central Wales.
In the Mabinogion story Lludd and Llefelys, the red dragon fights with an invading White Dragon. His pained shrieks cause women to miscarry and animals and plants to become barren. Lludd, king of Britain, goes to his wise brother Llefelys in France. Llefelys tells him to dig a pit in the centre of Britain, fill it with mead, and cover it with cloth. Lludd does this, and the dragons drink the mead and fall asleep. Lludd imprisons them, still wrapped in their cloth, in Dinas Emrys in Snowdonia.

The tale is taken up by Nennius in the Historia Britonum. The dragons remain at Dinas Emrys for centuries until King Vortigern tries to build a castle there. Every night the castle walls and foundations are
demolished by unseen forces. Vortigern consults his advisers, who tell him to find a boy with no natural father, and sacrifice him. Vortigern finds such a boy (who is later, in some tellings, to become Merlin) who is supposed to be the wisest wizard to ever live. On hearing that he is to be put to death to solve the demolishing of the walls, the boy dismisses the knowledge of the advisors. The boy tells the king of the two dragons. Vortigern excavates the hill, freeing the dragons. They continue their fight and the red dragon finally defeats the white dragon. The boy tells Vortigern that the white dragon symbolises the Saxons and that the red dragon symbolises the people of Vortigern. If Vortigern is accepted to have lived in the fifth century, then these people are the British whom the Saxons failed to subdue and who became the Welsh.

so you see the Story has nothing to do with Saint George
Saint George and the Dragon Story took place in a place called "Silene", in Libya Not Wales

Dear Dr Phil,

I was watching my next door neighbor's wife sunbathing topless from my bedroom window. As I was jerking off I turned to notice my wife was just standing there, arms folded...watching me.

Is she a pervert?

My girlfriend says that a small penis won't affect our relationship. Whether she's right or not, I'd prefer it if she didn't have one at all!

Women are just like orange juice cartons. Its not the shape or the size that matters, or even how sweet the juice is. It's all about getting those fucking flaps open. 
Now, THIS is a Family Tree!
Neil deGrasse Tyson @neiltyson

**Pi are not round, Pi 'r' squared**. Happy Pi-day (3.14) to all those who numerically write their months before their dates
Chocolate covered strawberry shots. Vanilla vodka, Godiva liquor, and some chocolate syrup for a delicious shot in an edible glass.
Chocolate covered strawberry shots. Vanilla vodka, Godiva liquor, and some chocolate syrup for a delicious shot in an edible glass.
My son was thrown out of school today for letting a girl in his class give him a hand-job. I said "Son, that's 3 schools this year! You'd better stop before you're banned from teaching altogether."

Q and A Quickies

Q: Who are some of the werewolves' cousins? 
A: The whatwolves and the whenwolves. 

Q: Why are Venetian blinds the greatest invention in the history of mankind? 
A: If it wasn't for Venetian blinds, it would have been curtains for all of us. 

Vegetable oil is a great and largely unexploited resource in the alternative energy industry. I'm not talking about ethanol, which is largely made from corn, I'm talking about cooking oil, which is largely used to make french fries and chicken wings. 
It is used on the fringe as a fuel, but the diversity of uses for waste cooking oil are only beginning to be revealed. Billions of gallons of this suff are literally being thrown away every year. What could we be doing with it (other than running trucks on it)? 
Waste cooking oil makes bioplastics cheaper. 

"Bioplastics" that are naturally synthesized by microbes could be made commercially viable by using waste cooking oil as a starting material. This would reduce environmental contamination and also give high-quality plastics suitable for medical implants, according to scientists presenting their work at the Society for General Microbiology's Autumn Conference at the University of Warwick.

The Polyhydroxyalkanoate (PHA) family of polyesters is synthesized by a wide variety of bacteria as an energy source when their carbon supply is plentiful. Poly 3-hydroxybutyrate (PHB) is the most commonly produced polymer in the PHA family. Currently, growing bacteria in large fermenters to produce high quantities of this bioplastic is expensive because glucose is used as a starting material. 

Work by a research team at the University of Wolverhampton suggests that using waste cooking oil as a starting material reduces production costs of the plastic. "Our bioplastic-producing bacterium, Ralstonia eutropha H16, grew much better in oil over 48 hours and consequently produced three times more PHB than when it was grown in glucose," explained Victor Irorere who carried out the research. "Electrospinning experiments, performed in collaboration with researchers from the University of Birmingham, showed that nanofibres of the plastic produced from oils were also less crystalline, which means the plastic is more suited to medical applications." 

Previous research has shown that PHB is an attractive polymer for use as a microcapsule for effective drug delivery in cancer therapy and also as medical implants, due to its biodegradability and non-toxic properties. Improved quality of PHB combined with low production costs would enable it to be used more widely.

A snail was run over by a turtle. 
The snail ended up in the hospital and his friends came to visit him. One of them asked "What happened?". 
He said "I don't know, it all happened so fast". 

"Researchers are developing a stay-sober pill that will prevent you from getting drunk off of alcohol. It's perfect for the drinker who wants all the calories of alcohol but none of the fun." -Conan O'Brien

"These days, teachers have it rough. Kids can be hyperactive, disobedient, and obnoxious. It must feel like being locked in a room of drunk midgets." -Craig Ferguson

"A new study found that most people cant go 10 minutes without lying. But since the study took 20 minutes nobody knows what to believe." -Jimmy Fallon

We were eating at one of the trendier restaurants in town when my friend pointed to the menu and told the waitress, "I'll have the 24."
"Uh, Jim," I whispered, "that's the price, not the meal number."
"Oh," he said. "In that case give me the 12."

One woman was talking to her friend, "You should listen to my neighbor," she says. "She is always bad-mouthing her poor husband behind his back. I think that's so rude. Look at me! My husband is fat, lazy and cheap; but have you ever heard me say a bad word about about him?" 

Every now and then I come across something so egregious, so hypocritical that it cannot be ignored. 

I'm talking about this sequester business, or more specifically, the fear mongering and demagoguery that has been used to play these minor spending cuts off as an economic doomsday for the United States. 
President Obama and his pitchmen and sycophants have been desperately trying to scare us about the austerity we will have to face as this 2 percent cut in spending takes effect. 
But before we start preparing ourselves for soviet-era shortages of basic goods and services we should take into account some of the spending that is still going on in other areas. 
For example, your new Secretary of State John Kerry recently announced $60 million for a new fund for "direct support of key engines of democratic change," including Egypt's entrepreneurs. And this $60 million is only the first part of a package that will climb to $300 million over time.
Some people could argue that supporting a democratic government and the economic health of one of our strategic allies in the Middle East is more important than spending at home. I wouldn't be one of them, but the argument could be made. 
Where it gets really bizarre is a story I just read about a federal grant which was just given to the University of California San Diego in the amount of $550,000 to research "safer sex intervention for male clients of female sex workers in Tijuana." 

Your tax money...going to research Tijuana hookers. 
So when some talking head goes on TV to tell you that meat and poultry plants will have to stop production because USDA Food Safety Inspectors will have to be furloughed, remember...Tijuana hookers.
3 hour wait times at airports because the TSA can't afford to hire any more thugs to feel up your wife? 
Tijuana hookers.
Fewer air traffic controllers? 
Tijuana hookers.
Needy patients not getting care, even hospitals closing because of cuts to Medicare payments?
Tijuana hookers.
Thousands of teachers other educators laid off? 
Tijuana hookers.
No money to deploy aircraft carriers in answer to threats from the Middle East (I thought we had friends over there to whom we were giving all sorts of money)? 

Tijuana hookers.

I overheard a random conversation about bad dates the other day and it got me thinking, there are times when saying the wrong thing can ruin an otherwise wonderful evening. Here are a few of those "wrong things"... 

Questions Not To Be Asked On A 1st Date

1. Are those real?
2. Did you know that you look just like my mom?
3. Wanna take a shower with me?
4. Guess what I was in jail for?
5. Did you just fart?
6. Would you like to know who's in the urn?
7. Did you ever wonder what human flesh tastes like?
8. Would you like to hear about my alien abduction?
9. Do you let your dogs watch you do it?
10. You don't hear voices, do you? Me neither, a couple of times. 

These questions will surely guarantee that you would not be eligible for a second date, but then again the world is a strange place. 
HOW cool is this!!
 This is me to a T lately. What's the deal? Oh. Maybe it's love.
Solar Canals
Similar to the concept of the solar roadway, India is now building solar canals. By covering the waterways with solar panels, the project not only creates energy, but also helps to prevent water loss through evaporation, while at the same time saving space and money.

Write a Mystery. Win $1000. Get Published.
Deadline: March 30th, 2013
No Regrets, No Remorse, By R F Sharp
Randy Pausch Last Lecture: Achieving Your Childhood Dreams

 DO NOT wash your hair in the shower!!   It's so good to finally get a health warning that is useful!!!   IT INVOLVES THE SHAMPOO WHEN IT RUNS DOWN YOUR BODY WHEN YOU SHOWER WITH IT. WARNING TO US ALL!!!   Shampoo Warning! I don't know WHY I didn't figure this out sooner! I use shampoo in the shower! When I wash my hair, the shampoo runs down my whole body, and printed very clearly on the shampoo label is this warning,
DO NOT wash your hair in the shower!!
It's so good to finally get a health warning that is useful!!!
Shampoo Warning! I don't know WHY I didn't figure this out sooner! I use shampoo in the shower! When I wash my hair, the shampoo runs down my whole body, and printed very clearly on the shampoo label is this warning, "FOR EXTRA BODY AND VOLUME."
No wonder I have been gaining weight! Well! I got rid of that shampoo and I am going to start showering with Dawn Dishwashing Soap. It's label reads, "DISSOLVES FAT THAT IS OTHERWISE DIFFICULT TO REMOVE."
Problem solved! If I don't answer the phone, I'll be in the shower!
Woman Stops Grizzly Attack With 25 Cal Pistol
This is a story of self-control and marksmanship with an itsy bitsy shooter by a woman against a fierce predator.

What is the smallest caliber you trust to protect yourself?
The Beretta Jetfire 25 caliber:

The woman tells her story.  "While out hiking in Alberta Canada with my boyfriend we were surprised by a huge grizzly bear charging at us from out of nowhere. She must have been protecting her cubs because she was extremely aggressive. If I had not had my little Beretta Jetfire with me I would not be here today!"

She added further.  "Just one shot to my boyfriend's knee cap was all it took...the bear got him and I was able to escape by just walking away at a brisk pace."

In conclusion she stated, "It's one of the best pistols in my collection....."
that is Epic I want to grow them this year
Cucamelons: Tiny ‘watermelons’ that taste of pure cucumber with a tinge of lime. Native to Mexico & Central America. Also called mouse melon, Mexican sour gherkin, Mexican miniature watermelon and Mexican sour cucumber.
Cucamelons: Tiny ‘watermelons’ that taste of pure cucumber with a tinge of lime. Native to Mexico & Central America. Also called mouse melon, Mexican sour gherkin, Mexican miniature watermelon and Mexican sour cucumber.
It all fits together now.
Two parents take their son on vacation and go to a nude beach. The father goes for a walk on the beach and the son goes and plays in the water.
He comes running up to his mom and says, "Mommy, I saw ladies with boobies a lot bigger than yours!"

The mom says "the bigger they are, the dumber they are."
So he goes back to play. Several minutes later he comes running back and says, "Mommy, I saw men with dingers a lot bigger than Daddy's!"

Mom says, "the bigger they are, the dumber they are."
So he goes back to play. Several minutes later he comes running back and says, "Mommy, I just saw Daddy talking to the dumbest lady I ever saw and the more and more he talked, the dumber and dumber he got!"
 Ingredients::   •2 packs (3 oz) Raspberry jello   •1 pkg unflavored gelatin (for extra firmness)   •3/4 cup whipping cream   •3 cups boiling water   •15 drops green food coloring   •100 flexible straws (or enough to fill your container)   •Tall container (1 quart or 1 liter carton of milk)     Directions::   1.Combine gelatin in bowl and add boiling water.   2.Let it cool to lukewarm and then add the whipping cream and 15 drops green food coloring.   3.Gather your straws (don’t forget to flex them out) and put them in the container. It’s important that the straws have a tight fit so the jello stays in the straws. For this reason, a 1 liter carton may be better; you will probably get longer worms since there is a tighter fit. If you have a bigger container, a rubber band around the straws is helpful. Or you could just add more straws to fill the container.   4.Add the gelatin mixture to the straw-filled container and let it set until firm.   5.There are multiple ways you can remove the worms from the straws. You can roll a rolling pin over the straws and squeeze them out or you can hold the straws over warm water. The worms will slip right out.
•2 packs (3 oz) Raspberry jello
•1 pkg unflavored gelatin (for extra firmness)
•3/4 cup whipping cream
•3 cups boiling water
... •15 drops green food coloring
•100 flexible straws (or enough to fill your container)
•Tall container (1 quart or 1 liter carton of milk)

1.Combine gelatin in bowl and add boiling water.
2.Let it cool to lukewarm and then add the whipping cream and 15 drops green food coloring.
3.Gather your straws (don’t forget to flex them out) and put them in the container. It’s important that the straws have a tight fit so the jello stays in the straws. For this reason, a 1 liter carton may be better; you will probably get longer worms since there is a tighter fit. If you have a bigger container, a rubber band around the straws is helpful. Or you could just add more straws to fill the container.
4.Add the gelatin mixture to the straw-filled container and let it set until firm.
5.There are multiple ways you can remove the worms from the straws. You can roll a rolling pin over the straws and squeeze them out or you can hold the straws over warm water. The worms will slip right out.
How low can you go to get into a football match without tickets?
A section of Galatasaray fans unsuccessfully attempted to dig a tunnel into Schalke’s Veltins Arena ahead of their Champions League last-16 clash on Tuesday.
Undeterred by a full house and tickets on the black market being traded at prices of up to €1,000, the group of desperate supporters tried to burrow their bare hands through frozen ground under a perimeter fence.

Snakes on planes - a study.    Image via:

"Scientists have recently created a robot that can bake cookies. And by scientists I mean two stoned kids who work at RadioShack." -Conan O'Brien

Have you ever wondered why A, B, C, D, DD, E , F, G, and H are the letters used to define bra sizes?

If you have wondered why, but couldn't figure out what the letters stood for, it is about time you became informed! 

{A} Almost Boobs. 
{B} Barely there.
{C} Can't Complain.
{D} Dang!
{DD} Double dang!
{E} Enormous!
{F} Fake.
{G} Get a Reduction.
{H} Help me, I've fallen and I can't get up!

"A New York City judge struck down a proposed law to ban sodas larger than 16 ounces. How would the government try to enforce something like that? It's not like Obama's got a secret fleet of robotic aircraft circling over, watching everything people do with little cameras." -Craig Ferguson

"When the cardinals are done selecting a new Pope, smoke appears up the chimney. White smoke means a new Pope. Black smoke means they have not reached a decision. Blue smoke means the cardinals are making ribs." -David Letterman

"A new study found that humans started wearing clothes about 170,000 years ago. In fact, the first sentence ever spoken was, 'Me look fat in this?'" -Jimmy Fallon 

When I was around 4 years old, I was biting my nails pretty badly and my mother showed me a picture of a child with a very swollen belly due to malnutrition. "That will happen to you if you keep biting your nails," she told me. 

Later that week we were in the supermarket standing in line at the checkout counter behind a lady who was obviously 9 months pregnant. I pointed to her and, in a very loud voice, said, "We know what she has been doing don't we mummy?"

Have you ever seen your mother try to crawl under a cash register and hide?

There have been tyrants, and murderers, and for a time they can seem invincible, but in the end they always fall. Think of it -- always.--Mahatma Gandhi

2,160 pounds of rattlesnakes captured
SWEETWATER, Texas - Participants in the annual, three-day Sweetwater Rattlesnake RoundUp in Texas caught more than a ton of snakes, organizers said. More than 30,000 people attended the event, they said, with visitors including people from as far away as China, Israel, Germany, England and Australia. The roundup paid $13-per-pound for captured rattlers, featured about 2,160 pounds of rattlesnakes being weighed, the most since the 2,168-pound total in 2010, the Abilene (Texas) Reporter-News reported Monday. "The importance of this is to control the snake population and to inform the public," Texas Game Warden George Pasley said. "You see all these snakes here and you think there can't be many left in the wild, but there's plenty. We see rattlesnakes all the time. I have seen no shortage of rattlesnakes." Kathleen and Darrell McIntyre of Childress won a $400 prize for capturing the longest snake. It measured 78 inches. 

Freedom is indivisible; the chains on any one of my people were the chains on all of them, the chains on all of my people were the chains on me.--Nelson Mandela

Reading without reflecting is like eating without digesting.--Edmund Burke

No one can construct for you the bridge upon which precisely you must cross the stream of life, no one but you yourself alone. There are, to be sure, countless paths and bridges and demi-gods which would bear you through this stream; but only at the cost of yourself: you would put yourself in pawn and lose yourself. There exists in the world a single path along which no can go except you.--Friedrich Nietzsche

Education is the most powerful weapon which you can use to change the world.--Nelson Mandela

We're in such a hurry most of the time we never get much chance to talk. The result is a kind of endless day-to-day shallowness, a monotony that leaves a person wondering years later where all the time went and sorry that it's all gone.
Robert Pirsig, "Zen & the Art of Motorcycle Maintenance" 

It's more than just boy parts and girl parts. Men and women have some unusual differences. 

Men commit suicide three times more frequently than women do. But women attempt suicide two to three times more often than men.

Women shoplift more often than men; the statistics are 4 to 1.

QUOTE: "Great minds have purposes, others have wishes."

HINT: (1783-1859), American author, essayist, biographer, historian, and diplomat of the early 19th century

ANSWER: Washington Irving.



Benjamin Franklin wasn't only the discoverer of electricity, he was also the inventor of Daylight Savings Time. In 1874, Franklin was the U.S. ambassador to Paris, and he wrote a letter suggesting that "the sun gives light as soon as it rises" and that Parisians were wasteful with their night-owl habits.

Daylight Savings Time officially began in 1916 when the Germans, in the middle of World War I, realized that they could save energy by switching the clocks. England's Parliament had rejected such a measure since 1909, but followed the Germans a month later. In the United States, DST began in 1918, when the US entered the war, but it was repealed once the war ended.

The United States instituted DST again during World War II, one month after the Japanese bombed Pearl Harbor. When the war ended, it was again repealed, although some states and cities chose to maintain the time change. This resulted in utter chaos as neighboring districts were followed different times. Suburbs could be in different time zones than the cities they surrounded.

The Uniform Time Act of 1966 normalized the time change across the country. It decreed that states did not have to comply with the time change, but that if they did, the entire state must comply; cities and towns could not make the decision individually. The federal government chose which would be the "spring forward" and the "fall back" days.

Congress has changed the hours of DST three times since 1966; once in 1970, during the energy crisis; once in 1980, when it began to encompass April; and finally in 2007.

In addition to saving energy, Daylight Savings time means fewer cars on the road in the dark during winter, and more after-work daylight for people who work. Russia found, however, that DST in midwinter means the sun rising at 10:00 AM in Moscow, and 11:00 in St. Petersburg.

Q and A Quickies 

Q: After the flash on his camera malfunctioned, what did Satan get back from the drugstore?
A: Prints of darkness. 

Q: Why did the rooster cross the road? 
A: To prove he wasn't a chicken. 

Q: Why did the Pope cross the road? 
A: He crosses everything. 

Q: What's gray, has four legs and a trunk? 
A: A mouse on vacation.

When Bad Puns Attack 

A man and his clone were walking along the rim of the Grand Canyon.
The man and his clone were identical except for one thing - the clone loved to use foul language. 
The man didn't want to listen to his clone ranting all day, everyday, using that kind of language, so he pushed his clone over the rim. 
That resulted in the first obscene clone-fall.

I apologize up front to my male readers for today's story. 
It seems it was Edgardo Toucet's unlucky day when he finally got a job through a temp agency at a manufacturing plant near Orlando, Florida. 
In this economy how could getting a job be unlucky? It is unlucky when you get your genitals caught in an industrial machine. 
Like I said, I'm sorry. 
Toucet, who hails from Puerto Rico and doesn't speak or write English, claims that he "received no orientation or other formalized instruction or training in preparation for his temporary work assignment as a peeler machine helper." 
According to the complaint report, Toucet was put to work at the peeler machine which uses a spinning razor-sharp blade to cut carpet foam. 
The peeler machine apparently requires two people to operate, although according to the report it is unclear if Toucet was operating the machine by himself, per safety precautions. What is clear is that both is penis AND testicles were removed by the machine. 
Toucet is seeking damages for gross negligence in a lawsuit suing the temp agency, and hopefully Future Foam Manufacturing and anybody else remotely related to the incident. 

Man makes daily commute on unicycle
ST. PAUL, Minn. - A Minnesota man said he makes his daily 18-mile commute year-round on an unusual vehicle -- a unicycle. Bob Clark, 51, said he travels to his office in downtown St. Paul every day on a unicycle, regardless of the weather, the St. Paul Pioneer Press reported Monday. "It's not as hard as most people think it is," Clark said. "Anyone who can ride a bike can ride a unicycle, with a little practice. It's a mind-body thing that happens automatically." Clark said he owns four unicycles and averages about 10 mph in the winter and 12 mph in the summer. He said riding his unicycle in public gets him a lot of attention. "The comments are 99 percent positive," he said. "Lots of people stick their cellphones out the car window to take a picture." However, he does have to deal with the remaining 1 percent. "I had a firecracker thrown at me once," Clark said. "Most people," he said, "just ask where the other wheel is." 

15 Gifs That You Can Stare At Forever
Clear your schedule and prepare to stare. These 15 Gifs may calm you, hypnotize you, and/or possibly freak... you... out! 

Flourless chocolate cake with salted caramel sauce

for the salted caramel sauce:
3/4 cup sugar
1/2 cup water
1/2 cup plus 2 Tablespoons heavy cream
5 Tablespoons unsalted butter
1 teaspoon fleur de sel

for the cake:
6 1/2 oz high-quality semi-sweet chocolate (I used Guittard 61% semisweet)
3 1/2 oz high-quality milk chocoate (I used a Godiva milk chocolate bar)
14 Tablespoons salted butter
5 large eggs, at room temperature
1 cup sugar
butter and cocoa powder for the pan

To make the salted caramel sauce, combine the sugar and water in a small, heavy-bottomed saucepan with tall sides. Heat, stirring until sugar is dissolved, then bring to a boil. Boil until the entire mixture is a light 
 amber color, like the color of clover honey. Stir in the cream. The mixture will sputter, so stand back, and use a long-handled spoon. And I always wear an oven mitt! Remove caramel from heat, and stir in butter and salt. Pour into a heat-proof serving dish and allow to cool.

To make the cake, butter the bottom and sides of a 9" springform pan, then dust with cocoa powder. If there's a chance that water will be able to leak into your pan from the water bath, tightly wrap the entire outside with several layers of foil. Preheat the oven to 350°F. Combine both chocolates and butter in a microwave-safe bowl, and microwave, stirring every 30 seconds, until everything is melted and smooth. In a large bowl, whisk eggs and sugar. Add chocolate mixture, and whisk until smooth. Pour into prepared pan and cover tightly with foil. Place the springform pan in a large roasting pan, and add hot water until it comes halfway up the outside of the springform pan. Bake 1 hour 15 minutes, until it only jiggles slightly when shaken, and when you touch it lightly with your finger, it comes away clean. Remove from roasting pan and uncover. Allow to cool completely before serving. Serve with gelato and salted caramel sauce. Serves 12-16 at least!

"Try not to become a man of success but rather to become a man of value." - Albert Einstein 

"My wife's jealousy is getting ridiculous. The other day she looked at my calendar and wanted to know who May was." - Rodney Dangerfield 

24 Facts That Will Ruin Your Childhood
Someone had to ruin your childhood, but don't worry it's not me, it's the hilarious I'm just the messenger. You knew it was going to happen sooner than later. 

I'm So Emotional 
The aspiring psychiatrists were attending their first class on emotional extremes. "Just to establish some parameters," said the professor to the student from Arkansas, "What is the opposite of joy?" 
"Sadness," said the student.
And the opposite of depression?" he asked of the young lady from Oklahoma. 
"Elation," said she.
"And you sir," he said to the young man from Texas, "how about the opposite of woe?" 
The Texan replied, "Sir, I believe that would be giddy-up."

I learned that courage was not the absence of fear, but the triumph over it. The brave man is not he who does not feel afraid, but he who conquers that fear.--Nelson Mandela
Dirty roads

For to be free is not merely to cast off one's chains, but to live in a way that respects and enhances the freedom of others.
--Nelson Mandela

I have walked that long road to freedom. I have tried not to falter; I have made missteps along the way. But I have discovered the secret that after climbing a great hill, one only finds that there are many more hills to climb. I have taken a moment here to rest, to steal a view of the glorious vista that surrounds me, to look back on the distance I have come. But I can only rest for a moment, for with freedom come responsibilities, and I dare not linger, for my long walk is not ended.--Nelson Mandela
"A new study found that eating healthy adds $380 to your grocery bill every year. Or as Americans put it, 'Cool, I saved $380 this year!'" -Jimmy Fallon

"Food addicts are the people I feel sorriest for because that's really hard. You need to eat. You don't need to do drugs. Very hard for these people to quit. "I'm going cold turkey... mmmmm turkey. Do not think about food... do not think about food... do not... nuts..." -Craig Ferguson

"Researchers at Harvard say red wine can slow the aging process. They say if you drink red wine, it can help you look younger. And you can look even younger if you get the other person to drink it." -Jay Leno

On a family vacation one summer, we crossed Wyoming and noted several historical points of interest. The children were especially interested because they enjoyed the computer game "Oregon Trail," which gives players a taste of the hardships the pioneers endured. We stopped at the famous South Pass to look at the wagon tracks still visible in the dirt. 

Squinting out over the desolate, wind-swept landscape, my daughter nodded and said grimly, "This is where my oxen always die." 

At Sunday school they were teaching how God created everything, including human beings. Little Johnny seemed especially intent when they told him how Eve was created out of one of Adam's ribs.

Later that day his mother noticed him lying down, curled up on the floor as though he were ill. She said, "Johnny what is the matter?" Little Johnny responded, "I have a pain in my side. I think I'm gonna have a wife!"

Did you remember to "spring ahead" on Sunday? This weekend marked the start of daylight saving time. So while you lost an hour of sleep, you gained an extra hour of daylight.

Random Facts:

In the U.S., daylight saving time was first used during World War I to conserve resources. It was reinstated again during World War II until Sept. 1945. The Uniform Time Act of 1966 created a standardized system to observe daylight saving time.

The Department of Energy studied the energy savings in 2008. They found that during daylight saving time, U.S. electricity use decreased by 0.5 percent per day, which added up to 1.3 billion kilowatt-hours, enough to power about 122,000 average U.S. homes for a year.

I am fundamentally an optimist. Whether that comes from nature or nurture, I cannot say. Part of being optimistic is keeping one's head pointed toward the sun, one's feet moving forward. There were many dark moments when my faith in humanity was sorely tested, but I would not and could not give myself up to despair. That way lays defeat and death. --Nelson Mandela

We know too well that our freedom is incomplete without the freedom of the Palestinians.--Nelson Mandela

If you want to truly understand something, try to change it. ~ Kurt Lewin

"The federal government has a new plan that will let people send texts to 911. Yeah, it's a little frustrating when you try to text, 'Burglar! Please hurry!,' and it auto-corrects to, 'Burger, please. Hungry.'" -Jimmy Fallon

"Last week horse meat was discovered in IKEA's meat balls. Today it was discovered in IKEA's hot dogs. This is making me think twice about taking my family to dinner at a furniture store." -Conan O'Brien

"New York City Mayor Michael Bloomberg has a new crusade. He wants people to stop listening to loud music in their headphones. Wasn't that the plot of 'Footloose'?" -Jimmy Kimmel

English professors love to catch the errors students make in their term papers, and they love nothing better than to catch mixed metaphors. The "friends and survivors" of Calvin College English department collected this list of mixed metaphors and posted them on their web site: 

"He swept the rug under the carpet."
"She's burning the midnight oil at both ends."
"It was so cold last night I had to throw another blanket on the fire."
"It's time to step up to the plate and cut the mustard." 
"She's robbing Peter to pay the piper."
"He's up a tree without a paddle."
"Beware my are skating on hot water."
"Keep your ear to the grindstone."
"Sometimes you've gotta stick your neck out on a limb."
"Some people sail through life on a bed of roses like a knife slicing through butter."

Do you take the bible literally? If so, here are a few questions: 

1. Do you really believe that Mary was the virgin mother of Jesus?

2. Is Jesus the Lamb of God?

3. Does this mean that Mary had a little lamb?

QUOTE: "Be yourself; everyone else is already taken." 

HINT: (1854-1900), Irish writer and poet, author of The Picture of Dorian Gray.

ANSWER: Oscar Wilde.


Spiderwort flowers have a very short life - only a single morning - after which the petals wilt and turn to a jelly-like fluid. However, each plant will produce 20 or more flowers per stem.

The False Hallebore or Indian Poke is a plant which grows in eastern and western America but not central. Native American tribes used it to determine their chiefs. If one was able to survive eating the very toxic plant (the roots and foliage are poisonous), they were worthy. 

Low-pollen sunflowers have been developed in recent years which not only help asthma sufferers, but also extend the flower's life. Before the advent of modern materials, sunflower stems were used to fill life-jackets.

Pliny the Elder, a Roman scientist of the first century AD named the Gladioli flower. Struck by the resemblance between the sheath of the flower and the weapon that was carried by Roman soldiers, he called the flower "gladiolus" from the Latin word "gladius" which means sword.

The Rafflesia arnoldii, which can be found in the rainforests of Indonesia, is the flower with the world's largest bloom; it can grow three feet across and can weigh up to 15 pounds.

The Amorphophallus titanium has also been called the "corpse flower" for its unpleasant odor, which smells of rotting flesh to attract pollinators. The "corpse flower" is not a single flower but a cluster of many tiny flowers, called an inflorescence. The plant can reach heights of seven to 12 ft and can weigh as much as 170 lbs.

A number twelve walks into a bar and asks the bartender for a pint of beer. 
"Sorry I can't serve you," states the bartender. 
"Why not?!" asks the number twelve with anger showing in its voice. 
"You're under 18," replies the bartender. 

I am a 5 letter word. 

You eat me. 
If you remove my 1st letter, I become a crime. 
If you remove my 1st 2 letters, I become an animal. 
If you remove my 1st and last letter, I become a form of music. 
What am I?


55 Gallon Drum of Lubricant

55 gal lubricant
Be sure to read the comments
QUOTE: "Well-behaved women seldom make history." 

HINT: (1938-), historian of early America and the history of women and a university professor at Harvard University.

ANSWER: Laurel Thatcher Ulrich
Chocolate Chip Cookie Dough Fudge
For the cookie dough part:
1/3 cup (5 1/3 tablespoons) butter, softened to room temperature
1/4 cup granulated sugar
1/4 cup packed light brown sugar
1/2 teaspoon vanilla extract
1/8 teaspoon salt
2 tablespoons half-and-half, cream, or milk
1/2 cup all-purpose flour
1/2 cup mini semi-sweet chocolate chips

For the fudge part:
1/3 cup light brown sugar
1/3 cup (5 1/3 tablespoons) butter
Pinch of salt
1/3 cup half-and-half, milk or cream
4-5 cups powdered sugar
1 teaspoon vanilla extract
1/4 cup mini semi-sweet chocolate chips (for topping the fudge

Line an 8x8-inch or 9x9-inch square baking pan with aluminum foil and set aside.
For the cookie dough, in a medium bowl (or in the bowl of a stand mixer), combine the butter and sugars and beat with a handheld mixer (or again, use a stand mixer) on medium speed until light and fluffy. Mix in the vanilla, salt, and half-and-half. Add the flour and mix until just combined. Do not overmix. Fold in 1/2 cup of the chocolate chips. Set aside.
For the fudge base, combine the brown sugar, butter, salt, and half-and-half in a medium saucepan. Stir over medium-low heat until the butter is melted and the brown sugar is dissolved. The mixture should be smooth and combined. Remove from the heat and stir in the vanilla. Gradually stir in the powdered sugar, 1 cup at a time, until the mixture is smooth and thick (I used close to the 5-cup amount). The mixture should be very thick. Let this mixture cool completely before proceeding!
Add the cookie dough to the fudge base and stir to combine. Spread the fudge into the prepared baking pan and press into an even layer. Sprinkle the remaining 1/4 chocolate chips on top of the fudge and lightly press them into the batter. Chill until set, about 3-4 hours, before cutting into pieces. The fudge can be made-ahead and stored, covered, in the refrigerator for up to a week.


The first woman professional artist in America was Henrietta Johnston. She began as a portrait artist in Charles Town (now Charleston) South Carolina in 1707.

Elizabeth Ann Seton established the first American Sisters of Charity in Maryland in 1809 and became a saint in 1975.

The first woman to be nominated for President of the U.S. by a major political party was Margaret Chase Smith. She was nominated at the Republican National Convention in San Francisco in 1964. However, the nomination was won by Barry Goldwater.

Mary Baker Eddy was the first woman to establish a major religion in America. She established the Church of Christ Scientist in 1879.

Barbara Jordan was the keynote speaker at the 1976 Democrat National Convention in N.Y., being the first African American to earn that distinction.

Maya Angelou read her poem 'On the Pulse of Morning' at the inauguration of President Clinton in 1993. Angelou wrote five autobiographical volumes beginning with 'I Know Why the Caged Bird Sings' in 1970. She has also published several volumes of poetry.

"A fitness instructor in Maine has been charged with running a prostitution business out of her Zumba dance studio. Authorities first got suspicious when they saw guys going to work out at a Zumba dance studio." -Jay Leno

I went to a nice, local restaurant/bar with my girlfriend last night. But the regulars were shouting "pedophile!" and other terrible names at me, just because my girlfriend is 21 and I'm 50. 

It completely spoiled our 10th anniversary.

Are you going to just drop a drone hellfire missile on Jane Fonda? Are you going to drop a missile on Kent State? 
--Rand Paul, Filibuster on Senate floor regarding drones

I have allowed the president to pick his political appointees...But I will not sit quietly and let him shred the Constitution. 
--Rand Paul, Filibuster on Senate floor regarding drones

I think its also safe to say that Barack Obama of 2007 would be right down here with me arguing against this drone-strike program if he we're in the Senate. --Rand Paul, Filibuster on Senate floor regarding drones

I'm not saying that anyone is Hitler, don't misunderstand me. But what I am saying that is...when a democracy gets it wrong, you want the law to be in place. 
--Rand Paul, Filibuster on Senate floor regarding drones

You wanna fly, you got to give up the shit that weighs you down. 
--Toni Morrison, Song of Solomon

People demand freedom of speech as a compensation for the freedom of thought which they seldom use. 
--Soren Kierkegaard

...the simplest pattern, that in which a man was born, worked, married, had children, and died, was likewise the most perfect.  Somerset Maugham, "Of Human Bondage" 

Tampons by subscription ease period pain
NEW YORK, March 7 - There's book of the month, fruit of the month, beer of the month and now a U.S. entrepreneur has launched tampon of the month. Naama Bloom this week began HelloFlo, a subscription service for a monthly need, The Verge reported. "No one actually enjoys the experience of buying tampons," Bloom told the tech/science/art/culture website, adding HelloFlo's packaging is discreet. HelloFlo will ensure women have the proper supplies and they don't have to worry about running out late at night because they were caught unawares. "For some reason, it's just something that drives me crazy," Bloom said. "First of all, the product packaging is wrong -- if you need overnight pads, you have to buy a whole box that's going to last you all year. It seems so simple to just create a multi-pack that actually makes sense." And for those who don't think there's money in the idea, Bloom notes it's an $8 billion market in the United States.

You know how it goes: Each day you plan to eat diet-friendly fare, only to find yourself noshing on nachos. Need some help?  These diet bloggers lost up to 150 pounds each. Check out their best tips for shedding pounds, and keeping them off!

Fun photos, from healthy recipes, to workouts, to cute puppies, and more!

From enchiladas to quesadillas, healthier versions of your favorite dishes

Lay off the cigarettes through hypnosis, burying the evidence, and more

The ZEN PENCILS short film!
Holy crap, someone has turned my AROUND THE CORNER comic into a short film! I was squealing like a school girl while watching it. The film was made by Sahel Takal, a recently graduated Film and TV student from Anglia Ruskin University (Cambridge UK) and he is entering it in the 2013 London Sundance Film Festival short film competition. Sahel asked my permission to adapt the comic at the start of January and I completely forgot about it – it was such a pleasant surprise to actually see the finished product.

by Gavin Aung Than
From Sahel:
“The main theme of the competition was time, when I saw this comic I immediately fell in love with the simplicity of it. I could not help but to visualise all the images in my head. It showed time in different ways: as a kid you have all the time in the world to hang around with your friends, but as adults you have almost no time, because of work and family. This inspired me a lot and I really wanted to adapt this into a film. I wanted to bring the still images to life and tell the story through a different art form. When I got the permission from you to adapt the comic into a film, I started working on it as soon as possible. I was really blessed with the crew members and everyone else who helped. I am very happy with the end result and I hope everyone else enjoys it as much as they enjoyed the original comic.”

Man who dressed as Hitler cleared
JONKOPING, Sweden - A Swedish court threw out hate crime charges against a 24-year-old man who went to a costume party dressed as Adolf Hitler. The Jonkoping District Court ruled the man did not intend to appear threatening or disrespectful to any group when he donned a costume resembling the Nazi dictator, complete with a swastika armband and small mustache, the Swedish news agency TT reported Friday. "My client went to a costume party and the point wasn't to express some political or other view. Rather, it was simply to represent a Nazi," attorney Mats Erfors said. "He wasn't walking around the city with a swastika." However, the man was convicted on weapons charges after a shotgun and a stun gun were found at his apartment. 


These are from a book called Disorder in the Courts and are things people actually said in court, word for word, taken down and published by court reporters that had the torment American of staying calm while the exchanges were taking place:

ATTORNEY: What was the first thing your husband said to you that morning?
WITNESS: He said, 'Where am I, Cathy?'
ATTORNEY: And why did that upset you?
WITNESS: My name is Susan!
ATTORNEY: What gear were you in at the moment of the impact?
WITNESS: Gucci sweats and Reeboks.
ATTORNEY: What is your date of birth?
WITNESS: July 18th.
ATTORNEY: What year?
WITNESS: Every year.
ATTORNEY: How old is your son, the one living with you?
WITNESS: Thirty-eight or thirty-five, I can't remember which.
ATTORNEY: How long has he lived with you?
WITNESS: Forty-five years.
ATTORNEY: This myasthenia gravis, does it affect your memory at all?
ATTORNEY: And in what ways does it affect your memory?
WITNESS: I forget..
ATTORNEY: You forget? Can you give us an example of something you forgot?
ATTORNEY: Now doctor, isn't it true that when a person dies in his sleep, he doesn't know about it until the next morning?
WITNESS: Did you actually pass the bar exam?

ATTORNEY: The youngest son, the 20-year-old, how old is he?
WITNESS: He's 20, much like your IQ.
ATTORNEY: Were you present when your picture was taken?
WITNESS: Are you shitting me?
ATTORNEY: So the date of conception (of the baby) was August 8th?
ATTORNEY: And what were you doing at that time?
WITNESS: Getting laid

ATTORNEY: She had three children , right?
ATTORNEY: How many were boys?
ATTORNEY: Were there any girls?
WITNESS: Your Honor, I think I need a different attorney. Can I get a new attorney?
ATTORNEY: How was your first marriage terminated?
WITNESS: By death..
ATTORNEY: And by whose death was it terminated?
WITNESS: Take a guess.

ATTORNEY: Can you describe the individual?
WITNESS: He was about medium height and had a beard
ATTORNEY: Was this a male or a female?
WITNESS: Unless the Circus was in town I'm going with male.
ATTORNEY: Is your appearance here this morning pursuant to a deposition notice which I sent to your attorney?
WITNESS: No, this is how I dress when I go to work.
ATTORNEY: Doctor , how many of your autopsies have you performed on dead people?
WITNESS: All of them. The live ones put up too much of a fight.
ATTORNEY: ALL your responses MUST be oral, OK? What school did you go to?
WITNESS: Oral...
ATTORNEY: Do you recall the time that you examined the body?
WITNESS: The autopsy started around 8:30 PM
ATTORNEY: And Mr. Denton was dead at the time?
WITNESS: If not, he was by the time I finished.
ATTORNEY: Are you qualified to give a urine sample?
WITNESS: Are you qualified to ask that question?
ATTORNEY: Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for a pulse?
ATTORNEY: Did you check for blood pressure?
ATTORNEY: Did you check for breathing?
ATTORNEY: So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when you began the autopsy?
ATTORNEY: How can you be so sure, Doctor?
WITNESS: Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar.
ATTORNEY: I see, but could the patient have still been alive, nevertheless?
WITNESS: Yes, it is possible that he could have been alive and practicing law
Thanks, SSK
Wear purple next Tuesday, March 26, to help increase awareness of epilepsy worldwide! Visit for more information. The Epilepsy Center, part of the Brain Care Institute at Children’s, is a level 4 comprehensive epilepsy center and a member of the National Association of Epilepsy Centers. Our Epilepsy Monitoring Unit is one of the most technologically advanced facilities of its kind. With seven pediatric epilepsy doctors, two surgeons, and a dedicated staff of more than 40, we care for children and teens with all types of seizures and seizure disorders. We offer medical and surgical treatment for seizure disorders, in addition to a variety of research trials of new medications.
I share this in memory of Dick,
who died from a seizure a few years ago ~
I still miss you Borrrris ~
Love from your Natasha

Special Delivery

On June 23, 1908, a messenger delivered a bottle of ale to the door of Philadelphia doctor William Wilson. “We are taking the liberty of sending a few physician’s samples of our new product,” read an accompanying letter, which bore the name of a well-known Philadelphia brewing company. “As the beneficial qualities of our ale is to be our strong talking point, we have decided to cooperate with physicians as far as possible in the introduction of our goods.” It asked him to sample the product and to respond if he felt he could recommend it to his patients.
Three days later, Wilson sampled the bottle. Within 30 minutes he was dead of cyanide poisoning.
On June 29, coroner Rush Jermon received a typewritten letter:
Dear Mr. Coroner:
I want to write you regarding the death of Dr. W.H. Wilson.
In some way he induced my wife to become a patient of his. As a result of poisonous injections he used, she died a few weeks ago. In order to protect her name, I did not give the last attending physician all the facts, and she was buried with another cause assigned.
To rid the community of this wholesale killer, I have removed him like a weed from a garden. …
Now that this service to the community is rendered and the death of my dear wife avenged, I am going to quit this part of the world. I don’t think you will ever find me but I don’t care much what happens anyhow.
My only regret is the grief caused his wife and child but I believe they are better off without him. I say let those who live by poison die by poison.
“By the time you get this on Monday morning, I will be far from here,” it concluded. It was signed “An outraged husband and father.”
An investigation showed that the killer must have mailed the first letter from a West Philadelphia postal station at 1 a.m. on June 23, but no one remembered seeing him there. A clerk at the messenger service described a clean-shaven, neatly dressed man of about 40 wearing a black derby, and a station agent at Bristol, Pa., recalled a man of that description jumping briefly off a train to mail a letter on June 27, the day after Wilson had died. This man had apparently bought a ticket at Torresdale, a small station between Philadelphia and Bristol, earlier that day.
But there the trail ended. The mystery became a nationwide sensation, but no further progress was made. An inquest on July 10 returned a verdict of death by cyanide of potassium poisoning at the hands of a person or persons unknown. The killer was never found.
BLONDE  Cookbook
Monday ~ It's  fun to cook. Today I made angel food cake. The recipe said beat 12 eggs separately.  The neighbors were nice enough to loan me the extra bowls.
Tuesday ~ He wanted fruit salad for supper.  The recipe said serve without dressing. So I didn't dress.  What a surprise when he brought a friend home for supper.
Wednesday ~ A good day for rice--the recipe said wash thoroughly before steaming the rice. It seemed kind of silly but I took a bath anyway.  I can't say it improved the rice any.
Thursday ~ Today he asked for salad again I tried a new recipe.  It said prepare ingredients; lay on a bed of lettuce one hour before serving.  Asked me why I was rolling around in the garden.
Friday ~ I  found an easy recipe for cookies. It said put the ingredients in a bowl and beat it.. There must have been something wrong with this recipe.  When I got back, everything was the same as when I left.
Saturday ~ He did the shopping today and brought home a chicken. He asked me to dress it for Sunday.  I don't have any clothes that fit it, and for some reason he keeps counting to ten.

Sunday ~  I wanted to serve roast but all I had was hamburger. Suddenly I had a flash of genius. I put the hamburger in the oven and set the controls for roast. It still came out hamburger, much to my disappointment.

GOOD NIGHT DEAR DIARY. This has been a very exciting week! I am eager for tomorrow to come so I can try out a new recipe. If I can talk him into buying a bigger oven, I would like to surprise him with a chocolate moose. 

So There

The eccentric Gerald Tyrwhitt-Wilson, 14th Baron Berners, erected a “useless” 100-foot tower on his property in 1935.
He added a notice:

A blonde goes into a coffee shop and notices there's
a 'peel and win' sticker on her coffee cup.
So she peels it off and starts screaming,
'I've won a motorhome! I've won a motorhome!'          The waitress says, 'That's impossible. The biggest prize is a free lunch?'
But the blonde keeps on screaming, I've won a motorhome! I've won a motorhome!'

Finally, the manager comes over and says, 'Ma'am, I'm sorry, but you're mistaken.
You couldn't have possibly won a motorhome
because we didn't have that as a prize.

The blonde says, 'No, it's not a mistake. I've won a motorhome!'
And she hands the ticket to the manager and HE reads...
'W I N A B A G E L'
Nick The Dragonslayer
Once upon a time, and far, far away lived a beautiful Queen with voluptuous breasts.

Nick the Dragon slayer knew that the penalty for his desire would be death should he try to touch them.
One day Nick revealed his secret desire to his colleague, Horatio the Physician, who was the King's chief doctor.

Horatio the Physician, exclaimed that he could arrange for Nick the Dragon Slayer to satisfy his desire, but it would cost him 1, 000 gold coins to arrange it.

Without pause, Nick the Dragon Slayer readily agreed to the scheme. The next day, Horatio the Physician made a batch of itching powder and poured a little bit into the Queen's brassiere while she bathed. Soon after she dressed, the itching commenced and grew intense.
Upon being summoned to the Royal Chambers to address this incident, Horatio the Physician informed the King and Queen that only a special saliva, if applied for four hours, would cure this type of itch, and that tests had shown that only the saliva of Nick the Dragon Slayer would work as the antidote to cure the itch.

The King quickly summoned Nick the Dragon Slayer. Horatio the Physician then slipped Nick the Dragon Slayer the antidote for the itching powder, which he quickly put into his mouth, and for the next four hours, Nick worked passionately on the Queen's voluptuous and magnificent breasts.

The Queen's itching was eventually relieved, and Nick the Dragon Slayer left satisfied and touted as a hero.

Upon returning to his chamber, Nick the Dragon Slayer found Horatio the Physician demanding his payment of 1, 000 gold coins.

With his obsession now satisfied, Nick the Dragon Slayer couldn't have cared less and, knowing that Horatio the Physician could never report this matter to the King, with a laugh just told him to get lost.

The next day, Horatio the Physician slipped a massive dose of the same itching powder into the King's underwear. The King immediately summoned Nick the Dragon Slayer...


Ursa ~ the Cherokee-Polack


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