Paws & Claws ~ April 27, 2013 ~ Dress rehersal for Summer!

"One man scorned and covered in scars,

 

 

    still strove with his last ounce of courage

 

                     to reach the unreachable stars;

 

                            and the world was better for this."

 

 

                                                      

                                                          ~ Don Quixote ~

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Ed -- A Petition For Stronger Gun Laws
https://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=player_embedded&v=LORVfnFtcH0
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The Oregon Zoo’s first condor egg of 2013 has hatched, but not without a little help. The chick had become stuck in the wrong position for hatching, unable to move inside its shell, and would not have survived much longer without the intervention. Zookeepers and veterinarians performed an emergency "assisted hatch," helping the critically endangered little bird out of its egg and into the world. Full story:

http://oregonzoo.org/news/2013/04/zoo-rescue-operation-saves-endangered-condor-chick

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Michael Armstrong's terrific piece on Storyknife in the Homer News: 

http://homernews.com/homer-features/arts/2013-04-17/stabenow-seeks-to-build-women-writers-retreat-0

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"Math is the only place where truth and beauty mean the same thing."
-- Danica McKellar

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A message in a bottle you can keep track of
http://eideard.com/2013/04/19/a-message-in-a-bottle-you-can-keep-track-of/
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What It Looked Like From Inside Boston's Lockdown

http://www.npr.org/blogs/thetwo-way/2013/04/19/177938697/what-it-looked-like-from-inside-bostons-lockdown

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Make gridlock more fun – put a drum kit on the steering wheel


http://eideard.com/2013/04/17/make-gridlock-more-fun-put-a-drum-kit-on-the-steering-wheel/
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Dove Real Beauty Sketches
https://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=player_embedded&v=XpaOjMXyJGk
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A SPANISH Teacher was explaining  to her class that in Spanish, unlike English, nouns are designated as either  masculine or feminine.
'House' for instance, is feminine:  'la casa.'

'Pencil,' however, is masculine: 'el lapiz.'

A  student asked, 'What gender is 'computer'?'  

Instead  of giving the answer, the teacher split the class into two groups, male and  female, and asked them to decide for themselves whether computer' should be a  masculine or a feminine noun.  Each group was asked to give four reasons for  its recommendation

The men's group decided that  'computer' should definitely be of the feminine gender ('la computadora'),  because:

1. No one but their creator  understands their internal logic;

2. The native language they use to  communicate with other computers is incomprehensible to everyone  else;

3. Even the smallest mistakes are stored in long term memory for  possible later retrieval; and

4. As soon as you make a commitment to  one, you find yourself spending half your paycheck on accessories for  it.


 

(THIS GETS  BETTER!)


The women's group, however,  concluded that computers  should be Masculine ('el computador'),  because:

1. In order to do anything with  them, you have to turn  them on;

2. They have a lot of data but still  can't think for  themselves;

3. They are supposed to help you solve  problems,  but half the time they ARE the problem; and

4. As soon as you commit to one,  you realize that if you  had waited a little longer, you could have gotten a  better  model.


The women won.
Send this to all the smart women you know

...And all the men that have a sense of  humour..

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A helicopter pilot is flying to Seattle, and hits a pea-soup-thick fog bank. He’s completely disoriented, and flies blindly around until he spies the top few floors of an office building. He pulls up real close to it, and gets the attention of a woman sitting at her desk.

“Excuse me!” he yells to the woman. “Where am I?”

“You’re in a helicopter,” she replies.

The pilot pulls off sharply to the left, takes one or two crisp turns through the dense fog, and then does a perfect blind landing at the Seattle-Tacoma Airport.

.“That was amazing!” says a passenger. “How did you know from that woman’s answer where you were?”

“Easy,” says the pilot. “Her answer, while correct, was absolutely useless.

So I immediately knew the building had to be Microsoft Tech Support.”.

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Storyknife is my legacy, what I want to leave behind. Help me do that?

http://www.stabenow.com/2013/04/12/storyknife-is-my-legacy-what-i-want-to-leave-behind-help-me-do-that

See why she is my favorite author? 

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Bleep and Booster 1969
https://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=player_embedded&v=0RnIpBv88xQ#!

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How to make Glowing Celestial Mason jars

http://recycledawblog.blogspot.com/2013/01/how-to-make-glowing-celestial-mason-jars.html

This is one of my most Popular Mason jar Projects  Its Easy, Fun and has endless potential
Perfect for Beltane, Birthdays , Nite time parties, Night lights
the only limit is your imagination

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The proper way to eat a pig? – first, buy a pig!

http://eideard.com/2013/04/07/the-proper-way-to-eat-a-pig-first-buy-a-pig/

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Boston Dynamics gets human movement pretty close to real

http://eideard.com/2013/04/08/boston-dynamics-gets-human-movement-pretty-close-to-real/

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Wow. This one cuts deep.

One young man went to apply for a managerial position in a big company. He passed the initial interview, and now would meet the director for the final interview.

The director discovered from his CV that the youth's academic achievements were excellent. He asked, "Did you obtain any scholarships in school?" the youth answered "no".

" Was it your father who paid for your school fees?"

"My father passed away when I was one year old, it was my mother who paid for my school fees.” he replied.

" Where did your mother work?"

"My mother worked as clothes cleaner.”

The director requested the youth to show his hands. The youth showed a pair of hands that were smooth and perfect.

" Have you ever helped your mother wash the clothes before?"

"Never, my mother always wanted me to study and read more books. Besides, my mother can wash clothes faster than me.

The director said, "I have a request. When you go home today, go and clean your mother's hands, and then see me tomorrow morning.

The youth felt that his chance of landing the job was high. When he went back home, he asked his mother to let him clean her hands. His mother felt strange, happy but with mixed feelings, she showed her hands to her son.

The youth cleaned his mother's hands slowly. His tear fell as he did that. It was the first time he noticed that his mother's hands were so wrinkled, and there were so many bruises in her hands. Some bruises were so painful that his mother winced when he touched it.

This was the first time the youth realized that it was this pair of hands that washed the clothes everyday to enable him to pay the school fees. The bruises in the mother's hands were the price that the mother had to pay for his education, his school activities and his future.

After cleaning his mother hands, the youth quietly washed all the remaining clothes for his mother.

That night, mother and son talked for a very long time.

Next morning, the youth went to the director's office.

The Director noticed the tears in the youth's eyes, when he asked: "Can you tell me what have you done and learned yesterday in your house?"

The youth answered," I cleaned my mother's hand, and also finished cleaning all the remaining clothes'

“I know now what appreciation is. Without my mother, I would not be who I am today. By helping my mother, only now do I realize how difficult and tough it is to get something done on your own. And I have come to appreciate the importance and value of helping one’s family.

The director said, "This is what I am looking for in a manager. I want to recruit a person who can appreciate the help of others, a person who knows the sufferings of others to get things done, and a person who would not put money as his only goal in life.”

“You are hired.”

This young person worked very hard, and received the respect of his subordinates. Every employee worked diligently and worked as a team. The company's performance improved tremendously.

A child, who has been protected and habitually given whatever he wanted, would develop an "entitlement mentality" and would always put himself first. He would be ignorant of his parent's efforts. When he starts work, he assumes that every person must listen to him, and when he becomes a manager, he would never know the sufferings of his employees and would always blame others. For this kind of people, who may be good academically, they may be successful for a while, but eventually they would not feel a sense of achievement. They will grumble and be full of hatred and fight for more. If we are this kind of protective parents, are we really showing love or are we destroying our children instead?

You can let your child live in a big house, eat a good meal, learn piano, watch on a big screen TV. But when you are cutting grass, please let them experience it. After a meal, let them wash their plates and bowls together with their brothers and sisters. It is not because you do not have money to hire a maid, but it is because you want to love them in a right way. You want them to understand, no matter how rich their parents are, one day their hair will grow gray, same as the mother of that young person. The most important thing is your child learns how to appreciate the effort and experience the difficulty and learns the ability to work with others to get things done.

Try to forward this story to as many as possible...this may change somebody's fate.

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111. JACK LONDON: I would rather be ashes than dust

Jack London (1876-1916) was an American writer best known for his short stories and magazine fiction. This quote was London’s life ‘credo’ as retold by his literary executor in an introduction to one of London’s book collections. There are disputes as to whether these are London’s own words or embellishment by the executor. I haven’t read any of London’s work, can anyone recommend his best fiction? I thought of an unbelievable story for this comic: An alien randomly finds a magical object that gives him incredible powers. He seems to be made from the very universe itself! He’s capable of amazing feats and can fly all over the galaxy at warp speed. Imagine all the fun he’s going to have – imagine the great adventures, the great triumphs and great love he will experience. But there’s a catch. He knows the power only lasts for a limited amount of time – once that magic timer expires, that’s it … BOOM! So knowing this, the lucky alien realises he better make the most of his precious time. But what about this unbelievable story? YOU are randomly born into this beautiful world. YOU are made from the very universe itself, from stars that exploded billions of years ago. YOU are capable of amazing physical and mental feats. YOU can fly anywhere in the world on aircraft that are travelling at near-supersonic speed. Imagine all the fun you could possibly have – imagine the great adventures, the great triumphs and great love you can experience. But there’s a catch … in fact, there’s a double catch. Not only are you alive for only a limited time, but you don’t even know when your time is going to run out! It could be 50 years from now or it could be tomorrow. So knowing this … how are you going to use your time? Thanks to Alastor, Marika, Sara, Antonio and Robert for submitting this quote. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ QUOTE: "Whatever the cost of our libraries, the price is cheap compared to that of an ignorant nation." HINT: (1916-2009), American broadcast journalist, best known as anchorman for the CBS Evening News for 19 years. ANSWER: Walter Cronkite. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~ RANDOM TIDBITS The Library of Congress, which was established in the 1800's, is the oldest federal cultural institution in the nation. The largest library in the world is the Library of Congress. It houses 745 miles of bookshelves! The world's "greatest lover" Giacomo Casanova spent the latter part of his life as a librarian for Count Waldstein of Bohemia. During his undergrad years, Edgar Hoover supported himself by working nights at the Library of Congress. Melvil Dewey invented the Dewey Decimal System which is still in use in many public libraries today. Mr. Dewey served as the head librarian for Columbia University for five years, and later became the director of the New York State Library. The book that holds the record for being the most stolen from the public library is the Guinness Book of World Records. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Three Tough Rats Three rats are sitting at the bar talking bragging about their bravery and toughness. The first says, "I'm so tough, once I ate a whole bagful of rat poison!" The second says, "Well I'm so tough, once I was caught in a rat trap and I bit it apart!" Then the third rat gets up and says, "Later guys, I'm off home to harass the cat." ~~~~~~~~~~~~~ The Formula for Water --* One day, a young boy was asked by his teacher to tell him what the chemical formula for water was. The boy replied with, "H-I-J-K-L-M-N-O". The Teacher was stunned. "That's not right, how did you come up with that?" The boy said, "Last week you said it was H2O!" Q and A Quickies --* Q: What is a teacher's favorite kind of music? A: Class-ical! Q: What do you get when you cross an elephant with a kangaroo? A: Holes all over Australia! ~~~~~~~~~~ I haven't been in a fist fight since college, and that was a long time ago, but I do remember the exhaustion that comes after the adrenaline rush of physical combat. Which is why I find this story so bizarre. Authorities say a woman attempting to rob an 86-year-old man ended up brawling with him for eight hours in his southern New Jersey home. Eight hours! A Millville man let 46-year-old Kay Carty into his home after she knocked asking for a glass of water. Authorities say the man asked Carty to leave when she attempted to take items from his home. Police say the two then brawled on and off for nearly eight hours until the victim's son came home and found the man holding Carty down on the floor. I have trouble sitting upright for eight hours, I can't imagine the titanic effort it would take to wrestle for that long...even with a woman. Both Carty and the alleged victim were hospitalized with broken bones. Police have charged Carty with burglary, assault and weapons possession. All I can say is that is one stubborn old man. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Sandy's floods left fish in Jersey man's pool * BELMAR, N.J. - A New Jersey man said the floodwaters of Hurricane Sandy left something unusual in his in-ground pool -- a tiny school of live fish. Robert Castellano said his Belmar neighborhood was flooded for several days following the October storm, with 3 feet of water in his back yard, and when he pulled the cover from his in-ground pool this month he discovered a school of about 15 fish living in the water, the Asbury Park (N.J.) Press reported Tuesday. "I don't know how they got under the cover," Castellano said. "When the water was on top of the pool, it may have lifted the edges. Some are so small, they may have been just eggs. Or born in here. "They're very quick," he said. "I don't know what they've been eating, probably the algae. To survive in this water they have to have one heck of a will to live." Bob Mathews of the Fishermen's Den tackle shop identified the fish. "It looks like it's a white perch," Mathews said. "They're slightly anadromous fish -- they can live in fresh and brackish water." ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Gold posted its biggest one-day percentage drop in 30 years Monday, falling $140.40 to a two-year low at $1,360.60 an ounce. But considering its nearly 2500 year history as currency, gold's position as a reserve of wealth is hardly in jeopardy. Random Facts: In 560 B.C., the Lydians introduced the first gold coin, which was actually a naturally occurring amalgam of gold and silver called electrum. When the Lydians were captured by the Persians in 546 B.C., the use of gold coins began to spread. The value of gold has been used as the standard for many currencies. After WWII, the United States created the Bretton Woods System, which set the value of the U.S. dollar to 1/35th of a troy ounce of gold. This system was abandoned in 1971 when there was no longer enough gold to cover all the paper money in circulation. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Police: Chicago man tried to sell gator online * CHICAGO - Authorities said they arrested a Chicago man who allegedly tried to sell a live baby alligator for $300 on Craigslist. The Illinois Department of Natural Resources said an undercover officer responded to the ad posted by Juan DeJesus, 19, and went to the man's home Monday while posing as a potential buyer, the Chicago Tribune reported Tuesday. DeJesus brought the alligator out of his home and was arrested on a misdemeanor possession of wildlife charge, police said. The alligator was seized by the officer. DeJesus is due to appear in court May 31. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

 

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Jackie Stewart

A Dog's Purpose?
(from a 6-year-old).

Being a veterinarian, I had been called to examine a ten-year-old Irish Wolfhound named Belker. The dog's owners, Ron, his wife Lisa , and their little boy Shane, were all very attached to Belker, and they were hoping for a miracle.

I examined Belker and found he was dying of cancer. I told the family we couldn't do anything for Belker, and offered to perform the euthanasia procedure for the old dog in their home.

As we made arrangements, Ron and Lisa told me they thought it would be good for six-year-old Shane to observe the procedure. They felt as though Shane might learn something from the experience.

...

The next day, I felt the familiar catch in my throat as Belker 's family surrounded him. Shane seemed so calm, petting the old dog for the last time, that I wondered if he understood what was going on. Within a few minutes, Belker slipped peacefully away.

The little boy seemed to accept Belker's transition without any difficulty or confusion. We sat together for a while after Belker's Death, wondering aloud about the sad fact that animal lives are shorter than human lives.
Shane, who had been listening quietly, piped up, ''I know why.''

Startled, we all turned to him. What came out of his mouth next stunned me. I'd never heard a more comforting explanation. It has changed the way I try and live.

He said,''People are born so that they can learn how to live a good life -- like loving everybody all the time and being nice, right?'' The Six-year-old continued,

''Well, dogs already know how to do that, so they don't have to stay as long.''

Live simply.

Love generously.

Care deeply.

Speak kindly.

Remember, if a dog was the teacher you would learn things like:

When loved ones come home, always run to greet them.

Never pass up the opportunity to go for a joyride.

Allow the experience of fresh air and the wind in your face to be pure Ecstasy.

Take naps.

Stretch before rising.

Run, romp, and play daily.

Thrive on attention and let people touch you.

Avoid biting when a simple growl will do.

On warm days, stop to lie on your back on the grass.

On hot days, drink lots of water and lie under a shady tree.

When you're happy, dance around and wag your entire body.

Delight in the simple joy of a long walk.

Be loyal.

Never pretend to be something you're not.

If what you want lies buried, dig until you find it.

When someone is having a bad day, be silent, sit close by, and nuzzle them gently.

There comes a time in life, when you walk away from all the drama and people who create it. You surround yourself with people who make you laugh, forget the bad, and focus on the good. So, love the people who treat you right. Think good thoughts for the ones who don't. Life is too short to be anything but happy. Falling down is part of LIFE...Getting back up is LIVING...

Have a great life.

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QUOTE: "Every parting is a foretaste of death, and every reunion a foretaste of resurrection."

HINT: (1788-1860), German philosopher best known for his book, The World as Will and Representation, in which he claimed that our world is driven by a continually dissatisfied will, continually seeking satisfaction. 

ANSWER: Arthur Schopenhauer
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RANDOM TIDBITS

In the 19th century, ladies who attended Easter services at St. Patrick's Cathedral strolled up Fifth Avenue to show off their new Easter bonnets in what later became known as the Easter Parade.

Each year, candy manufacturers produce more than 90 million chocolate Easter bunnies for Easter. Meanwhile, research shows that solid chocolate bunnies are the most popular -- followed by hollow chocolate bunnies, and marshmallow chocolate bunnies.

While Easter remains a moveable feast, the official observance of National Jelly Bean Day takes place every year on April 22nd.

The Easter egg toss dates back to the medieval church where a hard-boiled egg was thrown from one choir boy to the next. When the priest called "time up" whoever held it got to keep the egg.

Hares and rabbits have long been symbols of fertility. The inclusion of the hare into Easter customs appears to have originated in Germany, where tales were told of an "Easter hare" who laid eggs for children to find. German immigrants to America -- particularly Pennsylvania -- brought the tradition with them and spread it to a wider public.

According to the Venerable Bede, Easter derives its name from Eostre, an Anglo-Saxon goddess of spring. A month corresponding to April had been named "Eostremonat," or Eostre's month, leading to "Easter" becoming applied to the Christian holiday that usually took place within it. 

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We as a global society, as a species, are facing some serious environmental challenges. If you think global climate change is a problem, what do you think will happen when gasoline is so expensive you can't afford to drive to work? Or electricity is so expensive you can't afford to run your air conditioner on a 100 degree day? Or fresh water is so scarce it is only turned on every other day?

Sound bizarre? All of these crises, or a dozen others, could be upon us sooner than you think. Probably within your lifetime.

But there is technology out there that can be used to ameliorate many of these issues, if there is the consensus and motivation to implement them on a broad enough scale.
Technologies like solar cells. And if you think building giant solar farms in the desert is the only way to exploit solar energy, you don't give the egg heads enough credit.

Please scroll down for a brilliant idea for huge amounts of energy that could be available in the very near future. Make sure to watch the video! 


Imagine driving on a road paved not with asphalt but with glass. And within this glass are photovoltaic cells that transform sunlight into electricity and send it directly to the homes lining the street. That's the aim of an Idaho- based company called Solar Roadways. And before you dismiss the notion as impossible, you might be astonished to know that the company has federal funding and is currently leading the GE Ecomagination Powering Your Home Challenge, a program that promotes energy innovation.

"There's 25,000 square miles of road surfaces, parking lots and driveways in the lower 48 states. If we covered that with solar panels with just 15 percent efficiency, we'd produce three times more electricity than this country uses on an annual basis, and it's almost enough to power the entire world," said Scott Brusaw, co-founder of Solar Roadways.

Though many think driving on glass wouldn't work, materials scientists beg to differ. Window glass is only one of countless forms glass can take. If specially manufactured, its strength can be that of steel and ideal for driving on.

Watch: Solar Roadways

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Vertical-axis wind-turbines experiment with wind power output

http://eideard.com/2013/04/12/vertical-axis-wind-turbines-experiment-with-wind-power-output/

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How do you make the number one disappear?

ANSWER: Put a "g" in front of it. Then it's gone!

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QUOTE: "Many of life's failures are people who did not realize how close they were to success when they gave up." 

HINT: (1847-1931) This extremely successful American businessman is credited with the creation of the first industrial research laboratory.

ANSWER: Thomas Edison

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RANDOM TIDBITS

In South East Asia, the banana leaf is used to wrap food (in the place of plastic bags and cling wraps), providing a unique flavor and aroma to nasi lemak and the Indian banana leaf rice. 

Mineral deposits in caves growing upward are stalagmites, the ones growing downward are stalactites.

Sea water, loaded with mineral salts, weighs about a pound and a half more per cubit foot than fresh water at the same temperature.

The most abundant metal in the Earth's crust is aluminum. It is also one of the most difficult to extract. 

The Chinese were using aluminum to make things as early as 300 AD Western civilization didn't rediscover aluminum until 1827.

The United States government keeps its supply of silver at the US Military Academy at West Point, NY. Erected in 1937 as the West Point Bullion Depository, this was originally a storage facility for silver bullion and was nicknamed "The Fort Knox of Silver." 
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"I wanted to be a Boy Scout, but I had all the wrong traits. They were looking for kids who were trustworthy, loyal, helpful, friendly, courteous, kind, obedient, cheerful, thrifty, brave, clean and reverent. Whereas I tended to be devious, fickle, obstructive, hostile, impolite, mean, defiant, glum, extravagant, dirty, and sacrilegious." --George Carlin 
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"When I was a kid getting to borrow the car was a big deal. Before he handed over the keys, my dad always gave me a lecture. 'Now I'm not giving you this car so you can screw it up.' Well, I said to myself, then I don't want it." --Louie Anderson 
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"You can't believe how much hard work it is to con people into thinking that you're productive when you're unemployed. Always thinking up things to tell them you're going to do tomorrow, having to exaggerate every minute of your nowhere day...it's worse than having a job. At least when you're employed, when people ask about your day you can tell them to shut up and mind their own business." --Drew Carey 
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A flight instructor was sent out to help a trainee who had radioed that he was about to make a forced landing a few miles from the base. The instructor spotted the plane standing in a field small enough to present a real challenge to his professional reputation.

With determination, full flaps and engine just above the stall, he maneuvered into the field. Climbing out, he shouted angrily to the trainee, "Just how did you manage to get into such a small field?"

"I landed in the big field over there," the trainee pointed, "but in order to leave room for you, I had the farmer tow me here."
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How to make Decorated High Heel Shoes

http://recycledawblog.blogspot.com/2012/07/how-to-make-halloween-high-heel-shoes.html

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Sonic Screwdriver Programmable TV Remote

http://www.thinkgeek.com/product/ee4a/?cpg=fbl_ee4a&fb_action_ids=4731099837700&fb_action_types=og.likes&fb_ref=fbl_ee4a

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Squirrels crash Easter egg hunt 

RICHFIELD, Minn. - Organizers of an Easter egg hunt in a Minnesota park said squirrels decided to get in on the action and stole some of the candy-filled plastic eggs. Nick Thompson, a recreation supervisor in Richfield, said Saturday's event at Augsburg Park involved about 1,500 plastic eggs, 120 children and an unknown number of thieving squirrels, the Star Tribune newspaper in Minneapolis reported Thursday. "We tried to cover all our bases but we weren't ready for the squirrels," Thompson said. "We noticed them... taking our eggs away." Recreation supervisor Ann Hoffer said she saw a squirrel scale a tree with a plastic egg in its mouth. "I think they just saw brightly colored objects and thought they'd go for it," she said. "They smelled the candy inside." Workers said the squirrels only seemed interested in the candy-filled eggs, ignoring those filled with toys and other inedible prizes. 

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Q and A Quickies

Q: Where do you go to replace a missing chess piece? 
A: The Pawn Shop. 

Q: What did the big watch hand say to the small hand? 
A: Got a minute? 

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In all my years of imbibing I never knew that a few drinks could cost so much...

The caretaker of a Pennsylvania mansion is accused of drinking 52 bottles of whiskey appraised at a total $102,400. 

Patricia Hill, who purchased the Scottdale mansion in 2012, said caretaker John Saunders, 62, helped her remove and dust off nine cases of Old Farm Pure Rye Whiskey that were apparently concealed in the walls of the home by industrialist J.P. Brennan. 

"My guess is that Mr. Brennan ordered 10 cases ... pre-Prohibition," Hill said. "I was told by his family that family members used to greet him at the door each day with a shot of whiskey." 

Hill said she discovered after Saunders moved out that he had apparently drank 52 of the 108 bottles of the whiskey, which was bottled in 1912 at the West Overton Distilling Co. She said the missing booze was appraised at a total $102,400 by New York auction house Bonhams. 

"This whole experience has shocked me," Hill said. "I was shocked when I found them, shocked to find Mr. Saunders drank them, and shocked when I received the appraisal. I had just planned to preserve them." 

Saunders was arrested and is now charged with receiving stolen property and theft. However, he wasn't charged with caretaking under the influence. 

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This college girl comes back to the dorm after spending all day hiking in the wilderness with her boyfriend. After her shower she's toweling off when her roommate notices her ass all bruised up black and blue. "Good heavens! What happened to you? You're all bruised up." 

She replied, "Well, you know how it goes, just got caught between a rock and a hard-on..."
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I met a girl in the park the other evening.
There was an instant spark between us, 
and she immediately dropped to her knees
and laid on the grass at my feet. 
And as we lay making love, I thought... 
"These taser guns are so worth the money." 
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QUOTE: "I'm like a duck: calm above the water, and paddling like hell underneath."

HINT: Played three seasons (1947-48, 1948-49, and 1949-50) with the New York Rangers. He was the coach of the Flyers when they won the Stanley Cup in 1974 and 1975.

ANSWER: Fred Shero
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RANDOM TIDBITS

The eruption of the Grimsvotn volcano in November 2004 blasted gas emissions so high that airlines were forced to divert their flights.

The tin can was invented by Peter Durand in 1810. The modern can opener was not invented until 1856. Before the can opener, people used a chisel and hammer to open cans.

Cows are one of the main contributors to global warming. In the United States, cattle release some 5.5 million metric tons of methane annually. 

Frank Sinatra always carried a roll of dimes.

On December 16, 1811, an earthquake caused parts of the Mississippi to appear to flow backwards. 

The body creates and kills 17 million red blood cells per second.

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My wife was screaming at me: "Leave! Get out of this house!" she ordered. 

As I was walking out the door she yelled, "I hope you die a slow and painful death!" 

So I turned around and replied, "So now you want me to stay?"

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The skies have been largely empty of visible meteor showers since the Quadrantids of early January, but the shooting stars of the Lyrids have been a reliable spectacle for, oh, 2,600 years or so. The Lyrids meteor shower peaks in 2013 on April 21 and 22, but some meteors may be visible beginning on April 16. You can see what to look for in this video of the Lyrid meteor shower. http://youtu.be/_zgUFJ5hiVE And these charts of the Lyrids may help you locate the shooting stars.The Lyrids tend to be bright and often leave trails and tend to peak at about 10-20 meteors per hour. One of the unpredictable aspects of this shower, though, is that it’s known for uncommon surges that sometimes result in up to 100 shooting starts per hour. Virginia has some history with the Lyrids. Back in 1803, a journalist in Virginia observed one of those surges and wrote that the outburst, “...alarmed many and astonished every person that beheld it. From 1 in the morning until 3 in the morning, those starry meteors seemed to fall from every point in the heavens, in such numbers to resemble a sower of sky rockets...” A downside certainly exists this year - the moon will be bright until a couple of hours before dawn. Still, the greatest number of shooting stars tend to come after the moon departs anyway, so the show could still make getting up early worth it. Let’s just hope the clouds cooperate. By: Rawforbeauty Shared: Sun Gazing Dave Sommers Share✔ Tag✔ Like♥ Comment✔ Repost✔"

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In Larry Niven's science fiction novel 'Ringworld' he describes how a yeast evolved on Earth which lived on polyethylene. It was literally eating the plastic bags off of the grocery store shelves...according to the novel. 

While that sounds disastrous, the idea of an organic organism which could biodegrade a non biodegradable material would be an eco engineering miracle. 

If only we could discover something like that...


This week we're talking about fungus two ways. One that can survive exclusively on polyurethane and another that can replace Styrofoam. 

Both polyurethane and styrofoam are not biodegradable, so without a solution, all the plastic bottles and old toys we throw out every year will be sitting in landfills for centuries. 

Yes, you can recycle plastic, but that just means turning it into another product and recycling hasn't sufficiently slowed the production of new plastic. 

According to a Yale study, globally we produced 245 million tons of plastic in 2006, compared to only 1.5 million tons in 1950. 

One of the fungi we're looking at is called pestalotiopsis microspora. It was discovered by a group of Yale researchers on an expedition in Ecuador and can subsist on polyurethane alone in airless environments, like the bottom of a landfill. 

The other comes from a couple of college friends who discovered that the sticky substance on the bottom of mushrooms called mycelium could be turned into a glue and when that glue is combined with corn husks and other food byproducts it takes on a form similar to Styrofoam. Their company, Ecovative wants used Styrofoam to become mulch, not waste. 

A future with less plastic and more mulch, all thanks to fungus.

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A bar in NYC is installing a breathalyzer. If your drunk, it advises you not to drive. If you're really, really drunk, it advises you not to call your old girlfriend.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

"This is the kind of thing that would bum out any young guy. I just found out my father lost his hair--in a slap fight." --Vernon Chatman
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"According to a Cosmo poll, 13 percent of all men admit they have tried on a bra. The sad part, 43 percent of American men actually need one." --Jay Leno

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'Hotel' offers the homeless experience

GOTHENBURG, Sweden - A Swedish "hotel" is offering customers the chance to sleep in "rooms" including a dirty mattress under a bridge and a sleeping bag in a public park. Faktum Hotels in Gothenburg said the $15-per-night accommodations, which it began offering in November, are designed to highlight the hardships facing the city's homeless population, The Local.se reported Monday. "We asked several of our homeless contacts where they often slept, then we set up our rooms," said Aaron Israelson, editor of Faktum magazine, which runs the business. Faktum is sold on the street by poor and homeless in Gothenburg The "rooms," which include a dirty mattress beneath a bridge, a sleeping bag in a park and a floor lined with newspaper at an abandoned mill. "Few actually make it through the night and we had a very cold, harsh winter. But some really tried, with one woman managing to stay for about four hours," Israelson said. Israelson said the aim of the project is not to make money. "Our primary mission is to spread the word about the homeless situation in this city. Gothenburg is a tough place to be homeless," Israelson said. 

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QUOTE: "It's better to keep your mouth shut and be thought a fool than to open it and leave no doubt."

HINT: (1835-1910), American author and humorist.

ANSWER: Mark Twain.

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"You now can take pocket knives on commercial airlines. And you can also take pool cues on commercial flights. This is great news if you're a knife-wielding pool hustler." -David Letterman
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

"New research shows that eating organic foods can make people more arrogant and judgmental. In fact, eating just one handful of organic bean sprouts has the same effect as driving 1,000 miles in a Prius." -Jay Leno
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

"In a survey of 35 cities, Los Angeles ranked second-to-last in intelligence. Residents of L.A. were outraged after the report was slowly explained to them." -Conan O'Brien
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

To our shock and horror, my sister-in-law and I realized we had each been married nearly 30 years. "That's a long time," I observed.

"A long, long time," she agreed. Then she smiled. "Something just occurred to me." 

"What's that?" 

"If I had killed your brother the first time I felt like it, I'd be out of jail by now." 
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Two fellows stopped into an English pub for a drink. They called the proprietor over and asked him to settle an argument. 

"Are there two pints in a quart or four?" asked one. 

"There be two pints in a quart," confirmed the proprietor. 

They moved back along the bar and soon the barmaid asked for their order. 

"Two pints please, miss, and the bartender offered to buy them for us." 

The barmaid doubted that her boss would be so generous, so one of the fellows called out to the proprietor at the other end of the bar, "You did say two pints, didn't you?" 

"That's right," he called back, "two pints."

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RANDOM TIDBITS

The Scottish love April Fools' Day. In fact they love it so much, they celebrate it for two days. In Scotland they call it "hunting the gowk" (the cuckoo), and if you are tricked, you are an "April gowk." The second day, called "Taily Day," is devoted to pranks involving the back side of the body. The "butt" of these jokes may often have a "kick me" sign placed on their back.

Kids in France fool their friends by taping a paper fish to their backs. When the victim discovers the fish, the prankster yells "Poisson d'Avril!" (April Fish!)

In Portugal, April Fools' Day is actually celebrated on the Sunday and Monday before Lent. The big trick there? Throwing flour at your friend's face.

In Poland everyone takes part in April Fools' Day activities, including the media and sometimes public institutions. All serious activities are completely avoided for the day. A favorite joke? Pouring water on people.

In certain areas of Belgium, children lock out their parents or teachers and only let them in if they promise to give them sweets. 

Depending on where you live in England, instead of a "fool" you could be called a "noodle," "noddy," "gobby" or "gob."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Doc, What's Wrong With Me?

A naked man comes running into the doctor's office with nothing but a strip of saran wrap around his waist, and says "Doctor, doctor, what's wrong with me?" 

The doctor answers, "Well, I can clearly see you're nuts." 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

All Dogs Go to Heaven

Mom and Dad were trying to console Susie, whose dog had recently died. 

"You know, it's not your fault that the dog died. He's probably up in heaven right now, having a grand old time with God." 

Susie, still crying, said, "What would God want with a dead dog?"
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Q and A Quickies

Q: Why was the thirsty alien hanging around the computer? 
A: He was looking for the space bar! 

Q: Why did the fish get kicked out of school? 
A: Cause he was caught with seaweed. 

Q: What did the dog say when he sat on sandpaper?
A: Rough! Rough!

Q: What did Neptune say to Saturn?
A: Give me a ring sometime!

Q: How do you change a blonde's mind?
A: Blow in her ear.

Q: How did the blonde die ice fishing?
A: She was run over by the Zamboni machine. 

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Easter, or Resurrection Sunday, is this weekend. It celebrates the Resurrection of Jesus Christ on the third day after his crucifixion and it is probably the oldest Christian observance after the Sabbath. And you might be surprised to learn that it doesn't have anything to do with colored eggs or bunny rabbits. 

Random Facts:

Persians first began using colored eggs to celebrate spring in 3,000 B.C. 13th century Macedonians were the first Christians on record to use colored eggs in Easter celebrations. Crusaders returning from the Middle East spread the custom of coloring eggs, and Europeans began to use them to celebrate Easter and other warm weather holidays.


The origin of the Easter Bunny can be traced back to 13th-century, pre-Christian Germany. The Teutonic deity Eostra was the goddess of spring and fertility, and feasts were held in her honor on the Vernal Equinox. Her symbol was the rabbit because of the animal's high reproduction rate.

These legends were brought to America in the 1700s, when German immigrants settled in Pennsylvania Dutch country. 

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Thumbs & Ammo

http://thumbsandammo.blogspot.com/
Thumbs & Ammo replaces the guns in famous movie stills with thumbs. It's quite entertaining and might improve some movies. The sites motto - "Real tough guys don't need guns, they just need a positive, can-do attitude." 
Visit: Thumbs & Ammo
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The 5 Most Ridiculous Movie Character Overreactions
http://www.cracked.com/article_20310_the-5-most-ridiculous-movie-character-overreactions.html
Some movie characters often find themselves in dire situations. Even when things are at their worst most characters are strong enough to keep it together, but then there are these 5 characters and their ridiculous overreactions. Wow, relax for a second. Things aren't that bad. 
Visit: The 5 Most Ridiculous Movie Character Overreactions

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10 Reasons Disney Delayed Launching Their Cruise Line

1. Pluto's "accident" on Deck 3

2. Room service using Aladdin was getting out of hand.

3. Exterminator killed off "rat" problem only to discover they were Mickey and Minnie's cousins. 

4. Drunken dispute between Donald and The Mighty Ducks over who was mightier. 

5. Charo kept showing up.

6. The Beast from "Beauty and the Beast" kept eating the midnight buffet. 

7. The Seven Dwarfs vandalized the ship after failing to meet the "You Must Be This Tall to Ride This Ride" Requirements. 

8. Stench of seawater and 101 Dalmations was too strong. 

9. Tour guide Goofy goes into drunken rampage and uses Chip and Dale as Shuffleboard discs. 

10. New hires Doc, Isaac, and Gopher quit days before launch, citing that this job is not as "exciting and new" as their last one. 

(From: ahajokes.com)

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And she would have gotten away with it too, if she hadn't taken her pants off. 

That is usually where the master criminal plan begins to fall down; the public nudity. At least it was for 18-year-old Wausau, Wisconsin resident Elizabeth Hoen. 

She and an as-yet-unidentified man had their Friday night all planned out, and step one was dinner, and nothing satisfies a hearty Wisconsin appetite like steaks. But why buy them when you can steal them? 

Kohlman's Grocery was the perfect mark and Ms. Hoen pinched the beef like a pro, secreting three beefsteaks in her purse. She and the man strolled right out of the grocery with no one the wiser.

This is where the mystery comes in. It wasn't the grocery store that called the police. They were called because a woman was spotted standing naked from the waist down on a street corner. 

An odd way to celebrate a successful shoplifting to say the least. 

Hoen put her pants back on when police arrived and took off running with the man. She was caught, he escaped. 

Interestingly enough Hoen faces charges of resisting arrest and shoplifting, but not public nudity or indecency. She must have a really nice ass. 

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Scientists describe two-headed shark

EAST LANSING, Mich. - U.S. scientists have announced the first-ever discovery of a two-headed bull shark, confirming it was a single shark with two heads, not conjoined twins. Michigan State University researchers studying the specimen found in the uterus of an adult bull shark taken in the Gulf of Mexico April 7, 2011, said it was the first record of the phenomenon known as dicephalia ever seen in bull sharks although it has been seen before in other species of shark. "This is certainly one of those interesting and rarely detected phenomena," MSU fisheries and wildlife Professor Michael Wagner said. "It's good that we have this documented as part of the world's natural history, but we'd certainly have to find many more before we could draw any conclusions about what caused this." A fisherman found the two-headed specimen when he cut open the adult shark, Wagner said, and it died shortly thereafter. It would have had little, if any, chance to survive in the wild, he said. "You'll see many more cases of two-headed lizards and snakes," Wagner said in a university release Monday. "That's because those organisms are often bred in captivity, and the breeders are more likely to observe the anomalies." An MRI scan revealed two distinct heads, hearts and stomachs with the remainder of the body joining together in the back half of the animal to form a single tail, the researchers said. 

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Marriage is like taking a hot bath. After you've been in it for a while... it isn't so hot.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I read recipes the same way I read science fiction. I get to the end and think, "Well, that's not going to happen."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

According to a recent survey, men say the first thing they notice about a woman is their eyes. And women say the first thing they notice about men is they're a bunch of liars.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Most people would be angry if their company was bought and the new owners replaced them with their own people. Not our neighbor Andy. "You know how it goes," he said, waxing philosophical. "Every circus brings its own clowns."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

On a visit to Boston, I noticed a parking meter with a paper sack over it upon which was written: "Broken." 

A skeptical parking officer removed the bag, inserted a quarter in the meter and turned the dial. It worked perfectly. As the officer began to write a parking ticket, the car's owner rushed out of a nearby building. 

"What are you doing?" he yelled after a quick glance at the meter. "There's plenty of time left!" 

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Maury ran a small commercial real estate company. One day, a few years back, he sold his interest in one of his projects for 3 million dollars.

The only problem was that the guy who bought him out was a big shot in his very small hometown in Pennsylvania, and he wanted Maury to use the local bank branch.

So Maury goes in to the bank and tells the teller he'd like to open a few accounts. The teller goes through the list of gifts you can get for your initial deposit. $300 gets you a toaster, $600 for a television, etc. The teller then asks him how much he would like to deposit. Without saying a word, Maury hands her the cashier's check. 

The teller turns bright red, and runs to get her manager. 
The manager escorts him into her office, where they sit down.

"Sir, welcome to our town. We're thrilled to have you as a customer. What can I get you?"

To which Maury replied, "I'll take 10,000 toasters."

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

Resistance!

 

Click to enlarge — Reuters/Mussa Qawasma

http://eideard.com/2013/04/06/resistance/#comment-46860

 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

Confessions of Crafty Witches

Homemade Mod Podge in a Pint Jar (matte)

Fill jar half way up with white glue (like Elmers)
Then fill jar up with water.
Shake Well.

This is a 50-50 mixture glue/water.

...

It will have a Matte finish.
If you would like a Glossy finish, add 1 TBS of clear varnish.
Shake it!

If you have tried it with the varnish, we would love to hear how it went. Did you use an oil based varnish or a water based? And what one worked better? Since this is a water based solution, I'm thinking that a water based varnish will work better. We are always open to new ideas! ~DAW

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~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Job Description

Someone once asked, what is your job?"

I replied, "I am my wife's sexual adviser."

Somewhat shocked, they said "I beg your pardon, but what do you mean by that?"

"Very simple. My wife has told me that when she wants my fucking advice, she'll ask me for it."

Thanks, Cindy

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Natural Homemade Sunscreen ~Frisky

1/2 cup almond or olive oil (can infuse with herbs first if desired)
1/4 cup coconut oil (natural SPF 4)
1/4 cup beeswax
2 Tablespoons Zinc Oxide (This is a non-nano version that won’t be absorbed into the skin. Be careful not to inhale the powder). This makes a natural SPF of 20+ or more can be added.)
Optional: 1 teaspoon Vitamin E oil
Optional: 2 tablespoons Shea Butter (natural SPF 4-5)
... Optional: Essential Oils, Vanilla Extract or other natural extracts to suit your preference (but no citrus)

 

How to Make--

Combine ingredients except zinc oxide in a pint sized or larger glass jar. I have a mason jar that I keep just for making lotions and lotion bars, or you can even reuse a glass jar from pickles, olives or other foods.
Fill a medium saucepan with a couple inches of water and place over medium heat.
Put a lid on the jar loosely and place in the pan with the water.
As the water heats, the ingredients in the jar will start to melt. Shake or stir occasionally to incorporate. When all ingredients are completely melted, add the zinc oxide, stir in well and pour into whatever jar or tin you will use for storage. Small mason jars (pint size) are great for this. It will not pump well in a lotion pump!
Stir a few times as it cools to make sure zinc oxide is incorporated.
Use as you would regular sunscreen. Best if used within six months.

Tips---

This sunscreen is somewhat but not completely waterproof and will need to be reapplied after sweating or swimming
Make sure not to inhale the Zinc Oxide- use a mask if necessary!
This recipe has an SPF of about 20, though adding more Zinc Oxide will increase the SPF
Add more beeswax to make thicker sunscreen, less to make smooth sunscreen
I recommend coconut or vanilla extract or lavender essential oils for fragrance
Store in a cool, dry place or in the fridge
I prefer to store in a small canning jar and apply like a body butter. It will be thicker, especially if you use coconut oil in the recipe.
remove the Zinc Oxide and this makes an excellent lotion recipe!

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Just one of the interesting questions, presentations, etc, that I received these last 3 days at am Emergency Preparedness Conference: "If your house was burning, what would you take with you? It's a conflict between what's practical, valuable and sentimental. What you would take reflects your interests, background and priorities. Think of it as an interview condensed into one question." from a website http://theburninghouse.com/

 

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Confucius Say:

 

It's OK to let a fool kiss you; but don't let a kiss fool you.
A kiss is just shopping upstairs for downstairs merchandise.

It is better to lose a lover than love a loser

Man with a broken condom is called a Daddy.

Man who mix Viagra and Ex-Lax doesn’t know if he's coming or going.
A drunken man's words are a sober man's thoughts.
Marriage is like a bank account. You put it in, you take it out, and you lose interest.

Viagra is like Disneyland ... a one hour wait for a 2-minute ride.

It is much better to want the mate you do not have than to have the mate you do not want.

A joke is like sex. Neither is any good if you don't get it.

Thanks, SSK

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Jenny was helping me move today & we ended up going through some old pictures (remember those?) I found this pic that made me smile ~ 1992 Wyland was painting the Planet Ocean whale wall in Long Beach ~ Jenny & I used to ride our bikes down there to watch them paint (it is a whole crew of volunteers that paint most of the background). We took this pic the day Wyland finished a whale & signed his name to the wall ~ then he painted Jenny's shoes.

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Pic of the day

 

 

In a rare but amazing show of nature this grasshopper has been caught on camera shedding its old skin – and leaving behind a perfect replica of itself.

Carefully, but with determination and dexterity the insect took 40 minutes to cast off its hard outer shell – called an exoskeleton – all while hanging onto a piece of grass.

Photographer Adhi Prayoga, 41, watched the transformation in his back garden in Mataram, Indonesia and caught the moment on camera.

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Healthy Living from Health.com http://health.chtah.net/a/tBRXG4jBFYNexB8xuyXCFNC1E4B/top2

THE MEDITERRANEAN DIET
Greeks consume a diet rich with healthy fats, unprocessed produce, and fresh fish. This Mediterranean diet provides a lower risk of heart disease, obesity, cancer, and Alzheimer's rates. Here are their simple secrets to a long, healthy life.
http://health.chtah.net/a/tBRXG4jBFYNexB8xuyXCFNC1E4B/top24

SURPRISING CAUSES OF DEPRESSION
12 little-known causes of depression to consider
http://health.chtah.net/a/tBRXG4jBFYNexB8xuyXCFNC1E4B/top25

FILL UP ON FIBER
5 fiber-rich recipes good for digestion
http://health.chtah.net/a/tBRXG4jBFYNexB8xuyXCFNC1E4B/top26

10 MINUTES TO FIRM
5 simple moves to tone and sculpt your problem areas
http://health.chtah.net/a/tBRXG4jBFYNexB8xuyXCFNC1E4B/top27

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Flourless Fudge Cookies

Ultra-chewy, rich chocolate cookies with no added fat? And no gluten? Impossible! But it's true: these flourless chocolate cookies get their texture from egg whites, and their flavor from cocoa powder (which represents the only fat in the recipe). Plus they're easy to make: Just stir together a few simple ingredients, scoop onto a pan, and bake for 8 minutes. You won't believe the delicious result.

2 1/4 cups confectioners' sugar
1/4 teaspoon salt
1 teaspoon espresso powder, optional but good

1 cup cocoa powder, Dutch-process (European-style) preferred*
3 large egg whites
2 teaspoons gluten-free vanilla extract
*For darker, richer-looking cookies, substitute 1/4 cup black cocoa for 1/4 cup of the Dutch-process cocoa

1) Preheat the oven to 350°F. Lightly grease two baking sheets. Or line with parchment, and grease the parchment.

2) Stir together all of the ingredients till smooth. Scrape the bottom and sides of the bowl, and stir again till smooth.

3) Drop the soft, batter-like dough onto the prepared baking sheets in 1 1/2" circles; a tablespoon cookie scoop works well here.

4) Bake the cookies for 8 minutes; they should spread, become somewhat shiny, and develop faintly crackly tops.

5) Remove the cookies from the oven, and allow them to cool right on the pan.

6) Yield: 16 large (3") cookies.

TIPS-
Want to make more, smaller cookies? Drop the dough in 1 1/8" balls (about 2 measuring teaspoonfuls) onto the baking sheets; a level teaspoon cookie scoop works well here. You'll make about forty 2 1/4" cookies.
Add up to 2 cups of chocolate chips or diced walnuts to the batter. You'll lose the cookies' "no added fat" attribute, but make some very tasty cookies. With 2 cups of add-ins, you'll make about 24 large cookies, or 48 smaller cookies. Note: For larger cookies with add-ins, increase the baking time by 2 minutes, to a total of 10 minutes.

 

 

No Fear-Native American Spirituality and Thoughts-A Tribute

 

 

Explanation of Native American Spirituality

"The Indian loved to worship. From birth to death, he revered his surroundings. He considered himself born in the luxurious lap of Mother Earth, and no place was to him humble. There was nothing between him and the Big Holy (Wakan Tanka). The contact was immediate and personal, and the blessings of Wakan Tanka flowed over the Indian like rain showered from the sky. Wakan Tanka was not aloof, apart, and ever seeking to quell evil forces. He did not punish the animals and the birds, and likewise, he did not punish man. He was not a punishing god. For there was never a question as to the supremacy of an evil power over and above the power of Good. There was but one ruling power, and that was Good."

-Chief Luther Standing Bear -
Teton Sioux, Born 1868

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X-48C aircraft flight testing campaign comes to an end
http://eideard.com/2013/04/16/x-48c-aircraft-flight-testing-campaign-comes-to-an-end/

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~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

Enjoy this Wonderful “Music Box”.
Absolutely out of this World. Absolutely wonderful.
And an Engineering Masterpiece,
  let alone Building this wonderful Instrument.
        Cheers 

 

This has to be the world's most complex and magnificent music box ever!

Imagine the job of tuning this thing.

http://www.youtube.com/embed/XlyCLbt3Thk?rel=0>
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Those who were around for the debut of MTV will remember this one. And may get a morning earworm.

on Monday

 

One of the largest dead zones in the world is right in our own Mississippi River Basin in the Gulf of Mexico. The same Gulf of Mexico that supplies 72 percent of U.S. harvested shrimp, 66 percent of harvested oysters, and 16 percent of commercial fish. 

But what is a dead zone? 



Today's Random Fact:

The dead zone is caused by nutrient enrichment from the Mississippi River, particularly nitrogen and phosphorous. Watersheds within the Mississippi River Basin drain much of the United States, from Montana to Pennsylvania and extending southward along the Mississippi River. 

Most of the nitrogen input comes from major farming states in the Mississippi River Valley, including Minnesota, Iowa, Illinois, Wisconsin, Missouri, Tennessee, Arkansas, Mississippi, and Louisiana. Nitrogen and phosphorous enter the river through upstream runoff of fertilizers, soil erosion, animal wastes, and sewage. 

In a natural system, these nutrients aren't significant factors in algae growth because they are depleted in the soil by plants. However, with anthropogenically increased nitrogen and phosphorus input, algae growth is no longer limited. Consequently, algal blooms develop, the food chain is altered, and dissolved oxygen in the area is depleted.

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QUOTE: "Accept what life offers you and try to drink from every cup. All wines should be tasted; some should only be sipped, but with others, drink the whole bottle." 

HINT: (1947-), Brazilian lyricist and novelist.

ANSWER: Paulo Coelho.

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RANDOM TIDBITS

Since wine tasting is essentially wine smelling, women tend to be better wine testers because women, particularly of reproductive ages, have a better sense of smell than men.

Red wines are red because fermentation extracts color from the grape skins. White wines are not fermented with the skins present.

A wine that tastes watery is said to taste "dilute." It may have been made from grapes picked during a rainstorm.

Wine testers swirl their glass to encourage the wine to release all of its powerful aromas. Most don't fill the glass more than a third full in order to allow aromas to collect and to not spill it during a swirl.

The vintage year isn't necessarily the year wine is bottled, because some wines may not be bottled the same year the grapes are picked. Typically, a vintage wine is a product of a single year's harvest. A non-vintage wine is a blend of wines from two or more years.

Traditionally, wine was never stored standing up. Keeping the wine on its side kept the wine in contact with the cork, thereby preventing the cork from drying, shrinking, and letting in air. However, wine can be stored vertically if the bottle has an artificial cork.

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Don't Mind Me... --*
Pregnant with my third child and experiencing morning sickness, I was resting on the living-room couch. Workmen were doing some minor repairs in the house. As one walked by, I explained, "Don't mind me. I'm in my first trimester." 

"Oh," he said. "What's your major?" 


*-- How Am I As A Lover? --*
Man: "Be honest, baby... How am I as a lover?" 

Woman: "Honey, I would definitely say that you're warm." 

Man: "Really?" 

Woman: "Yes, my love, my hero, you're 'warm' as the dictionary would say!" 

The man, pleased, went home and just for sake of it checked his dictionary, He read, "WARM: Not so hot."

Q and A Quickies

Q: Why was the gym wet? 
A: Because the basketball players dribbled all over it! 

Q: Why is sleeping a top-secret activity? 
A: Because you are under cover! 
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

We've all been there, okay, maybe not all of us, but a lot of us have been there; wandering down the road after a long weekend, no idea where your shoes are, no idea where you are going, but still desperately clutching your last bottle or two of booze. 

That was the situation this Minnesota resident found himself it, but if so many of us have been there what makes this story so bizarre? Maybe the fact that this disoriented wanderer is two-years-old. 

A father from Hastings, Minnesota could face charges after his 2-year-old was found wandering on a busy street holding two bottles of hard lemonade.

The 42-year-old father is being held in the Dakota County Jail.

Hastings police say a couple from Prescott, Wisconsin found the toddler, without shoes or socks, in the middle of the road Sunday afternoon. Authorities say the father called police a couple hours later to report his son missing. Officers arrested the man after they arrived at his house, saying he was intoxicated and uncooperative.

The toddler was returned to his mother, who doesn't live with the father.

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Liberty is the great parent of science and of virtue; and a nation will be great in both in proportion as it is free.
--Thomas Jefferson

Of liberty I would say that, in the whole plenitude of its extent, it is unobstructed action according to our will. But rightful liberty is unobstructed action according to our will within limits drawn around us by the equal rights of others. I do not add "within the limits of the law," because law is often but the tyrant's will, and always so when it violates the right of an individual.
--Thomas Jefferson

The tree of liberty must be refreshed from time to time, with the blood of patriots and tyrants. It is its natural manure.
--Thomas Jefferson


**--- MYSTERY QUOTE ---**
Always be yourself, express yourself, have faith in yourself, do not go out and look for a successful personality and duplicate it.

See at the bottom for the answer

*---- More Quotes for the Week ----*
God forbid we should ever be twenty years without such a rebellion. The people cannot be all, and always, well informed. The part which is wrong will be discontented, in proportion to the importance of the facts they misconceive. If they remain quiet under such misconceptions, it is lethargy, the forerunner of death to the public liberty...

And what country can preserve its liberties, if its rulers are not warned from time to time, that this people preserve the spirit of resistance? Let them take arms. The remedy is to set them right as to the facts, pardon and pacify them. What signify a few lives lost in a century or two?
--Thomas Jefferson

Were we directed from Washington when to sow and when to reap, we should soon want bread.
--Thomas Jefferson


MYSTERY QUOTE AND ANSWER - DID YOU GUESS CORRECTLY?

Always be yourself, express yourself, have faith in yourself, do not go out and look for a successful personality and duplicate it.

ANSWER: Bruce Lee
~~~~~~~~~~~~~
An 8-year-old choir boy catches the priest masturbating.

He said, "What are you doing father?"

"It's called masturbating," the priest replied. "You'll be doing this soon."

"Why father?" he asked.

"Because my wrist is killing me," the priest replied.



A man says to his wife, "I'm in the mood for something kinky tonight, how about I blow my load in your ear?"

The wife hastily replies, "No, I might go deaf!"

To which the man replies, "I've been shooting my wads in your mouth for the last 20 years and you're still fucking talking aren't you?"



The Mexican maid asked for a pay increase.

The wife was very upset about this and decided to talk to her about the raise.

She asked: "Now Maria, why do you want a pay increase?"

Maria: "Well, Senora, there are tree reasons why I wanna increaze."

"The first is that I iron better than you."

Wife: "Who said you iron better than me?"

Maria: "Jor huzban, he say so."

Wife: "Oh yeah?"

Maria: "The second reason eez that I am a better cook than you."

Wife: "Nonsense, who said you were a better cook than me?"

Maria: "Jor hozban did"

Wife increasingly agitated: "Oh he did--- did he???"

Maria: "The third reason is that I am better at sex than you in the bed."

Wife, really boiling now and through gritted teeth. "And did my husband say that as well?"

Maria: "No Senora.......The gardener did."

Wife: "Ok, So how much do you want?"
~~~~~~~~~~~~
"A prop phaser gun from the Star Trek TV show recently sold for $231,000 at an auction � making it the most expensive thing you can point at someone right before they beat the crap out of you." -Jimmy Fallon
***
"Teachers at nine universities are using a new technology that can tell if students are actually reading their textbooks. Let me save you some time. They're not." -Jimmy Kimmel

***
"A long list of celebrities and musicians have signed a letter to President Obama asking him to ease the nation's drug enforcement policy. Hollywood celebrities and musicians want the president to ease our drug laws � it's always the people you least expect." -Jay Leno

***
My daughter Michelle is the commander of a Coast Guard Cutter. When she gave my husband Bob a tour of her ship, he was impressed by the neatness of all decks.

However, when Bob went to Michelle's house with her, he couldn't believe the disorganization. "Why is everything in its place on your ship," he asked with his usual bluntness, "but your house is such a mess?"

"Because my house," Michelle said, "does not take 30-degree rolls."


*-------------- Guaranteed to Roll Your Eyes --------------*
A park ranger in the Everglades was making his rounds a couple of summers ago when a woman came bolting out of the weeds right in front of his truck. She seemed frantic and he finally got her calm enough to say that her five- year-old son was sitting on the back of an alligator.

Now the ranger was frantic. Running in the direction she was pointing he found the lad astride a twelve foot male alligator which was trying to relieve itself of its load by twisting and snapping. As the brave ranger moved in he tried to console the mother by saying, "I think I can grab the boy and move away before the gator moves. Be ready to grab your son. I may have to shoot the gator."

To which the lady replies "Good Heavens, no! Don't shoot him. I just wanted you to make him hold still for a minute so I could take my son's picture on his back."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

QUOTE: "Certainty? In this world nothing is certain but death and taxes."

HINT: (1706-1790), writer, a philosopher, a scientist, a politician, a patriot, a Founding Father, an inventor, and publisher.


RANDOM TIDBITS
The federal form 1040 was introduced in 1913 and was required of US citizens and residents with a net income of $3,000 or over for the taxable year; nonresident aliens with income were also required to file.

The Social Security Act was signed into law by President Franklin D. Roosevelt in 1935, and Social Security numbers were made available the next year, 1936. However, taxpayers weren't required to use their Social Security number as a means of tax form identification until 1961.

The cost of war has often driven the push for taxes. The first United States income tax was imposed in July 1861 to help pay for the Civil War; the rate was just three percent of income over $800. That tax was eventually repealed and replaced by a tiered income tax in 1862. The income tax system we use today was made law in 1913, just before the start of World War I.

Federal income tax withholding as we know it today was made permanent in 1943 as part of the Current Tax Payment Act. The move was seen as a means of making tax payments and filings more convenient for taxpayers.

The "Presidential Campaign Fund" check-box was created in the 1970s in order to fund presidential elections. Since the inception of the check-off, over a billion dollars has been distributed to about a hundred primary election presidential candidates.

Regarded by some as the smartest man who ever lived, even Albert Einstein was no fan of figuring out his taxes, once remarking, "The hardest thing in the world to understand is the income tax."

(www.dailyfinance.com)


*** Weekly Mind-Scrambler ***
What goes up but never comes down?

Submit your answer by clicking: HERE

Answer will be posted in Friday's Trivia Today. Good Luck!

If your name appears in Friday's newsletter, EMAIL MICHELE your complete name and address to be shipped your prize. Be sure to put "Winner" in the subject line.


TODAY'S MYSTERY QUOTE
QUOTE: "Certainty? In this world nothing is certain but death and taxes."

ANSWER: Benjamin Franklin.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

A little boy was attending his first wedding. After the service, his cousin asks him: "How many women can a man marry?"

"Sixteen!" replies the little boy.

His cousin laughed and asked how he knew this. "Easy," the little boy said. "All you have to do is add it up! 4 better, 4 worse, 4 richer, 4 poorer!"


*-- What Is This? --*
When the waitress in a New York City restaurant brought him the soup du jour, the Englishman was a bit dismayed. "Good heavens," he said, "What is this?"

"Why, it's bean soup," she replied.

"I don't care what it has been," he sputtered. "What is it now?"


*-- Q and A Quickies --*
Q: Did you hear the one about The man who had feet on his butt?

A: Every time he sat down, he stood up!


Q: What starts with a P, ends with an E and has thousands of letters in it?

A: Post Office.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

People engage in all sorts of weird and extreme body modification. When I was a kid, tattoos were considered extreme, these days people scar themselves, have decorative stainless steel surgically implanted under their skin, split their tongues, have the tops of their ears sewn together (in an effort to look like elves or hobbits or something) and even suspend themselves from body piercings.

But there is extreme body modification and then there is this guy.

A California man was found in a pool of blood at a home improvement store in West Covina after he purposefully attempted to cut his arms with handsaws, authorities said.

Pasadena Fire Captain Art Hurtado was among the horrified shoppers. He was shopping with his wife on his day off when he jumped in to help the victim.

Without gloves or any equipment, the 21-year fire department veteran began working on the victim.

"I barely had a pulse and he was just barely breathing," Hurtado said. But Hurtado kept trying, using what was on the stores shelves around him.

"People just couldn't believe it," added Cpl. Rudy Lopez, with West Covina Police Department. "He walked into the saw area, picked up a couple of saws in the saw area and started cutting both of his arms."

Lopez said the victim used several handsaws - including one that is used to cut drywall - to cut "all the way down to the bone."

You know, on second thought I don't think this guy was into body modification, I think he might just be very seriously disturbed.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Fisherman competes with shark for tuna --*
WAIANAE, Hawaii - A shark won a struggle with a fisherman for a tuna off Hawaii but the fisherman came out of the struggle with a consolation prize -- a videotape of the battle. Isaac Brumaghim, 37, caught a kawakawa tuna while fishing from a kayak in the Pacific Ocean, 2 miles off Waianae, Hawaii -- but a 9-foot-long tiger shark grabbed the fish as Brumaghim tried to reel it in. The shark then bumped the boat and swam away with the fish, KHNL-TV, Honolulu, reported."The shark made a circle, came around and ate the kawakawa under my boat," Brumaghim said, "and then it kind of hit me what had happened. Yeah, I did get the shivers a bit, on just thinking about the whole thing." Marine biologist Wayne Samiere said it was likely a 400- to 500- pound tiger shark. The incident was caught on a camera Brumaghim mounted on his boat. He posted the footage online, calling it "Chompy the shark," and says he is astounded by the attention he is receiving, Sky News said.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Our knowledge of circumstances has increased, but our uncertainty, instead of having diminished, has only increased. The reason of this is, that we do not gain all our experience at once, but by degrees; so our determinations continue to be assailed incessantly by fresh experience; and the mind, if we may use the expression, must always be under arms.
--Carl von Clausewitz

When a man is denied the right to live the life he believes in, he has no choice but to become an outlaw.
--Nelson Mandela

Woman is not made to be the admiration of all, but the happiness of one.
--Edmund Burke


**--- MYSTERY QUOTE ---**
To learn is not to know; there are the learners and the learned. Memory makes the one, philosophy the others.

See at the bottom for the answer

*---- More Quotes for the Week ----*
...personal and social consequences of any medium-that is, any extension of ourselves-result from the new scale that is introduced into our affairs by each extension of ourselves, or by any new technology.
--Marshal McLuhan, Understanding Media

Being the richest man in the cemetery doesn't matter to me...Going to bed at night saying we've done something wonderful...that's what matters to me.
--Steve Jobs, The Wall Street Journal, May 25, 1993


MYSTERY QUOTE AND ANSWER - DID YOU GUESS CORRECTLY?

To learn is not to know; there are the learners and the learned. Memory makes the one, philosophy the others.

ANSWER: Alexandre Dumas, The Count of Monte Cristo

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I'm not in this world to live up to your expectations and you're not in this world to live up to mine.
--Bruce Lee

Do not pray for an easy life, pray for the strength to endure a difficult one.
--Bruce Lee

Be happy, but never satisfied.
--Bruce Lee


**--- MYSTERY QUOTE ---**
Live life as though nobody is watching, and express yourself as though everyone is listening.

See at the bottom for the answer

*---- More Quotes for the Week ----*
I fear not the man who has practiced 10,000 kicks once, but I fear the man who had practiced one kick 10,000 times.
--Bruce Lee

The great mistake is to anticipate the outcome of the engagement; you ought not to be thinking of whether it ends in victory or defeat. Let nature take its course, and your tools will strike at the right moment.
--Bruce Lee


MYSTERY QUOTE AND ANSWER - DID YOU GUESS CORRECTLY?

Live life as though nobody is watching, and express yourself as though everyone is listening.

ANSWER: Nelson Mandela

~~~~~~~~~~~~~

9-year-old Awonder Liang of Madison, Wisconsin just became the youngest chess master in the United States. He earned the title Saturday while competing in the Midwest Open Team Chess Festival.



Today's Random Fact:

The United States Chess Federation (USCF) awards the Title of National Master to anyone who achieves a USCF rating of 2200, and the title of Senior Master to anyone who achieves a USCF rating of 2400. The USCF also awards the Life Master title to anyone who holds a 2200 rating for a total of 300 or more games in his or her lifetime

The title Grandmaster is awarded to strong chess players by the world chess organization FIDE. Apart from World Champion, Grandmaster is the highest title a chess player can attain. Once achieved, the title is held for life.


Blindfold chess is real and documented in world records. It is as it sounds: a player makes all of his or her moves without looking at a board. Usually there is a 'middle man' of sorts to give and receive moves for the game.

Blindfold chess is an impressive skill that many stronger chess players possess. It certainly requires a keen ability to see the board clearly, which can get difficult after many moves. The record was set in 1960 in Budapest by Hungarian Janos Flesch, who played 52 opponents simultaneously while blindfolded � he won 31 of those games.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Beer company offers $1 million for 'Bigfoot' --*
TUMWATER, Wash. - Olympia Beer in Washington state is offering a $1 million reward for the "safe capture of Bigfoot," the legendary creature said to roam the Pacific Northwest. The Tumwater company posted a statement on its website saying "Olympia Beer and Bigfoot have been leaving footprints together in the Pacific Northwest since 1896," KCPQ-TV, Seattle, reported Thursday. "We have been sharing the same back yard for over a century and we believe it's time to do what has never been done, and that is to offer a one million dollar reward to anyone who can ensure the safe capture of Bigfoot. When we say safe capture that means Bigfoot has to be alive and breathing folks, with no wounds. That's right you can't use any act of violence, no guns/knives/boxing gloves/nets/etc, only sugar or sweets to lure him in," the statement reads. The company said only registered participants who capture the Sasquatch will be eligible for the $1 million reward. Olympia Beer said the project is being carried out in partnership with The Falcon Project, which it described as "the most penetrative search for Bigfoot ever conducted in the United States."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
"There's a new dating site aimed at matching up women who like to travel with men willing to pay for their trips. It's part of a new dating trend called prostitution." -Jimmy Fallon



After I performed a simple medical procedure on my patient, I warned her, "After this, you can't have sex for at least three days."

"Did you hear that?" she asked her husband. "No sex for three days."

"I heard," he said. "But she was talking to you."



What's the difference between stress, tension and panic?
Stress is when wife is pregnant,
Tension is when girlfriend is pregnant,
and Panic is when both are pregnant.



Why Italian Fathers and Grandfathers pass their handguns down through the family.

An old Italian man is dying. He calls his grandson to his bedside, Guido, I wan' you lissina me. I wan' you to take-a my chrome plated .38 revolver so you will always remember me."

"But grandpa, I really don't like guns.. How about you leave me your Rolex watch instead?"

"You lissina me, boy. Somma day you gonna be runna da business, you gonna have a beautiful wife, lotsa money, a big-a home and maybe a couple-a bambinos."

"Somma day you gonna come-a home and maybe finda you wife inna bed with anudder man. "Whatta you gonna do then? Pointa to you watch and say, 'time's up'?"
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

TODAY'S MYSTERY QUOTE
QUOTE: "If we knew what it was we were doing, it would not be called research, would it?"

HINT: (1879-1955), German-born theoretical physicist, best known for theory of relativity.


RANDOM TIDBITS
Helium is the second lightest element and next to hydrogen, it is the second most abundant in the universe. In fact, all natural gas contains some traceable quantity of helium.

In 1965, helium use in the United States was more than eight times the peak wartime consumption.

Helium is a very light, inert, colorless gas and has the lowest melting point of any element. No matter how low the temperature, helium is the only liquid that cannot be solidified and remains a liquid to absolute zero.

Helium is often mixed with oxygen for deep sea diving to help reduce the effects of narcosis. The mixture is called cold heliox.

Helium is named for the Greek God of the Sun, Helios. It was first detected as an unknown yellow spectral line signature in sunlight during a solar eclipse in 1868 by French astronomer Jules Janssen.

Helium can be transported in small supplies in heavy steel cylinders. Larger amounts are shipped in insulated containers in liquid form.


*** Weekly Mind-Scrambler ***
A petshop owner had a parrot with a sign on its cage that said "Parrot repeats everything it hears". Davey bought the parrot and for two weeks he spoke to it and it didn't say a word. He returned the parrot but the shopkeeper said he never lied about the parrot.

How can this be?

Submit your answer by clicking: HERE

Answer will be posted in Friday's Trivia Today. Good Luck!

If your name appears in Friday's newsletter, EMAIL MICHELE your complete name and address to be shipped your prize. Be sure to put "Winner" in the subject line.


TODAY'S MYSTERY QUOTE
QUOTE: "If we knew what it was we were doing, it would not be called research, would it?"

ANSWER: Albert Einstein.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~



I was looking myself over while standing in front of a mirror and I thought that I looked good for a guy my age.

I guess I could get myself in a little bit better shape. I could stand to lose a few pounds, tighten up some areas and maybe even develop some muscle. I think I needed to do a little self-evaluation of my physical attributes and I think I learned a little bit about myself.

I also learned that standing in the middle of a department store naked during prime business hours is frowned upon by the management of that particular establishment. Store policy my bare butt! I think they were just jealous.


Q and A Quickies --*
Q: Why did the defensive end return to the bank?

A: To get the quarter back.


Q: What did the diver say to the ship?

A: You're a wreck!


*-- Calling the Front Desk --*
There was a man staying the night in a hotel. He called the front desk and said, "Excuse me, sir, I've got a leak in my sink."

The man at the front desk replied, "Oh, okay, go ahead, but most guests just use the toilet."


*-- More Q and A Quickies --*
Q: What happened to the cat who ate a ball of yarn?

A: She had mittens!


Q: How do you know that your tiger is telling the truth?

A: He's not a lion.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~


~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~This is awesome got to love the elephants.

Rob Moyle

In 1986, Peter Davies was on holiday in Kenya after graduating from Louisiana State University .

On a hike through the bush, he came across a young bull elephant standing with one leg raised in the air. The elephant seemed distressed, so Peter approached it very carefully. He got down on one knee, inspected the elephants foot, and found a large piece of wood deeply embedded in it. As carefully and as gently as he could, Peter worked the wood out with his knife, after which the elephant gingerly put down its foot.

The elephant turned to face the man and with a rather curious look on its face, stared at him for several tense moments. Peter stood frozen, thinking of nothing else but being trampled. Eventually the elephant trumpeted loudly, turned and walked away. Peter never forgot that elephant or the events of that day.

Twenty years later, Peter was walking through the Chicago Zoo with his teenaged son. As they approached the elephant enclosure, one of the creatures turned and walked over to near where Peter and his son Cameron were standing. The large bull elephant stared at Peter, lifted its front foot off the ground, then put it down. The elephant did that several times then trumpeted loudly, all the while staring at the man.

Remembering the encounter in 1986, Peter could not help wondering if this was the same elephant. Peter summoned up his courage, climbed over the railing and made his way into the enclosure. He walked right up to the elephant and stared back in wonder. The elephant trumpeted again, wrapped its trunk around one of Peter legs and slammed him against the railing, killing him instantly.

Probably wasn't the same fucking elephant.

This is for everyone who sends me those heart-warming bullshit stories.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~"I always turn to the sports page first. The sports page records people's accomplishments; the front page nothing but man's failure." --Chief Justice Earl Warren

***
"Whenever I dwell for any length of time on my own short- comings, they gradually begin to seem mild, harmless, rather engaging little things, not at all like the staring defects in other people's characters." --Margaret Halsey

***
"It's the tragedy of the world that no one knows what he doesn't know -- and the less a man knows, the more sure he is that he knows everything." --Joyce Cary

***
A wife asked her husband, "Honey, could you please run to the store and get a carton of milk, and if they have eggs, get a dozen."

A while later the husband returned with a case of quart milk cartons.

Staring incredulously at the 12-pack case of milk, his wife asked, "Why the hell did you buy so much milk?"

Her husband said, "They had eggs."


*-------------- Guaranteed to Roll Your Eyes --------------*
As the high school teacher was correcting essays written by her students she read, "Pedro jumped on his burrow and rode off into the sunset."

She wrote at the bottom of the page, "You obviously have problems with homonyms. A burrow is a hole in the ground. A burro is an ass. At your age it's time to learn the difference."

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~


The Emperor, playing space 'n vader.

"He that is of the opinion money will do everything may well be suspected of doing everything for money." 
- Benjamin Franklin 

"Any activity becomes creative when the doer cares about doing it right, or better." 
- John Updike 

"If only we'd stop trying to be happy we could have a pretty good time." 
- Edith Wharton 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Rollin Game

http://www.addictinggames.com/puzzle-games/rollin-game.jsp
From Addicting Games: Another block in search of its hole? Time to tip it! Avoid the fall, as this maze is dangerously high above the ground. Fewer moves makes for more stars, right? 

Visit: Rollin Game

Top Signs That You've Hired A Bad Private Eye *

1. Considers reading "The Hardy Boys Mysteries" actually helpful research. 

2. He has a pet basset hound named "Flash" that acts as his trusty assistant. 

3. His best disguise is wearing a hat.

4. Keeps getting confused and follows you all the time.

5. Won't read any messages without his trusty decoder ring.

6. Dresses up like Jessica Fletcher from "Murder She Wrote" when he thinks he's caught the suspect. 

7. Well, he's blind. 

(From Aha!Jokes)

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

"Dunkin' Donuts is testing a new food item. A glazed donut/egg sandwich. If it tests well, it's going to be used in prisons as a form of lethal injection." -Jay Leno


"Delta announced that it is shrinking the size of its bathrooms to add four more seats on every plane. Cuz every time I'm in a plane's bathroom, I always think: 'Man, they could fit at LEAST three more people in here.'" -Jimmy Fallon


"A new study says that women who drink moderate amounts of alcohol every day lose more weight than women that don't drink at all. At least, that's what your wife will slur to you after she forgets to pick up the kids from soccer practice." -Jimmy Kimmel

***
A young man had just graduated from Harvard and was so excited just thinking about his future.

He gets into a taxi and the driver says, "How are you this fine day?"

"I'm the Class of 2012, just graduated from Harvard and I just can't wait to go out there and see what the world has in store for me."

"Congratulations," said the driver reaching back to shake the young man's hand. "I'm Mitch. Harvard Class of '79."

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

A fellow is getting ready to tee-off on the first hole when a second fellow approaches and asks if he can join him. The first says that he usually plays alone but agrees to let the second guy join him.

Both are even after the first couple of holes. The second guy says, "Say, we're about evenly matched, how about we play for five bucks a hole?"

The first fellow says that he usually plays alone and doesn't like to bet but agrees to the terms. Well, the second guy wins the rest of the holes and as they're walking off of the eighteenth hole, and while counting his $80.00, he confesses that he's the pro at a neighboring course and likes to pick on suckers.

The first fellow reveals that he's the Parish Priest at the local Catholic Church to which the second fellow gets all flustered and apologetic and offers to give the Priest back his money. The Priest says, "No, no. You won fair and square and I was foolish to bet with you. You keep your winnings."

The pro says, "Well, is there anything I can do to make it up to you?"

The Priest says, "Well, you could come to Mass on Sunday and make a donation. Then, if you bring your mother and father by after Mass, I'll marry them for you."

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

The supreme art of war is to subdue the enemy without fighting. 
--Sun Tzu, The Art of War

What difference does it make to the dead, the orphans and the homeless, whether the mad destruction is wrought under the name of totalitarianism or in the holy name of liberty or democracy?
--Mahatma Gandhi

The sooner we admit failure, and the sooner we begin to deliberately discard what doesn't work, the sooner we we'll find ourselves on the road to innovation. It takes courage to look failure in the eye. The key is not to be the first one to blink.
--Jaffer Ali, from 'Failure and Innovation'

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I have been to Palestine where I've witnessed the racially segregated housing and the humiliation of Palestinians at military roadblocks. I can't help but remember the conditions we experienced in South Africa under apartheid. We could not have achieved our freedom without the help of people around the world using the nonviolent means of boycotts and divestment to compel governments and institutions to withdraw their support for the apartheid regime.
--Archbishop Desmond Tutu

The ancient commission of the writer has not changed. He is charged with exposing our many grievous faults and failures, with dredging up to the light our dark and dangerous dreams for the purpose of improvement.
--John Steinbeck Nobel Speech


To plunder, to slaughter, to steal, these things they misname empire; and where they make a wilderness, they call it peace. ~ Publius Cornelius Tacitus

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

"A company called Dog Nation just launched an IQ online test for your dog. It covers understanding hand gestures and learning words. It's actually a secret IQ test for humans. If you pay $60 to give your dog an IQ test, you failed." -Jimmy Kimmel

***
"A man in New Jersey was arrested for stealing $100,000 worth of perfume. Not good. I mean, if there's one thing you don't want in jail, it's to smell pretty." -Jimmy Fallon

***
"Jay Leno, for leaving 'The Tonight Show' for the second time, gets $15 million. It's the same deal the old Pope got." -Dave Letterman

***
Last June, my friend told me about her plans for our upcoming prom. "I'm renting a stretch limo and spending $1,000 on a new dress, and I've reserved a table at the most expensive restaurant in town," she said.

Our teacher overheard her and shook her head. "I didn't spend that much on my wedding."

My friend answered, "I can have three or four weddings. But a prom you do only once."

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

A recent article in the Kentucky Post reported that a woman, one Anne Maynard, has sued St Lukes hospital, saying that after her husband was treated there recently, he had lost all interest in sex. A hospital spokesman replied, "Mr Maynard was actually admitted to Ophthalmology - all we did was correct his eyesight..."

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

QUOTE: "For every minute you are angry you lose sixty seconds of happiness." 

HINT: (1803-1882), American essayist, lecturer, and poet, who led the Transcendentalist movement of the mid-19th century.

ANSWER: Ralph Waldo Emerson.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

RANDOM TIDBITS

Otters hold hands while sleeping so they don't float apart.

Norway once knighted a penguin. The penguin's full name is Colonel-in-Chief Sir Nils Olav.

Blind people smile despite having never seen someone smile before. It is just a natural human reaction.

There's a competition in Sweden called Kaninhoppning, or rabbit show jumping.

If you fake laugh long enough, you'll actually start to laugh really hard.

A chemical called oxytocin is released when people cuddle, helping to heal physical wounds.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Q and A Quickies --*

Q: What do you give a seasick elephant? 
A: Plenty of room. 

Q: What did the chicken do at bat? 
A: It fowled out. 
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Now here is a story with a lot of unanswered questions. Police are trying to track down two people accused of shooting at a woman multiple times during a violent robbery at a hotel in a town called Sandy, Utah. 

Investigators say a woman went to the Extended Stay America hotel to meet a man. When she knocked on the hotel room door, the meeting turned into an assault.

So my first question is, hooker? 

"A female from the room exits, starts assaulting the female victim," explained Lt. Victor Quezada of the Sandy City Police Department. "They pull her into the room and start accusing her of some things that have happened in the past."

Lt. Quezada said the attacker pulled out a silver handgun and fired at the victim's head, narrowly missing. The woman and man in the hotel room then fled in a pickup truck. The victim followed and jumped into the back of the attackers' truck bed, trying to retrieve her purse. 

"The suspect, female, sees her in the back of the truck and takes two more shots at her," Quezada said. 

The victim told police the man stopped the truck and beat her up again. When she finally jumped out, the truck was moving.

While I admire her balls for trying to retrieve her property by jumping in the back of a moving vehicle filled with people who were trying to kill her I have to wonder...what the hell was in that purse???

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Website: Mavis, Thor hot baby names

WILMINGTON, Del. - Delaware website Nameberry said baby names attracting increased interest during the year so far include Marnie, Nelly, Bruce and Thor. Nameberry's list of 13 names garnering significantly higher views during the first three months of the year include Marnie, Marlowe, Christian and Nellie, NBC News reported Friday. The list also included Bruce, Mavis, Wilder and Finnigan. The site said interest in Thor, the Norse god of thunder, was likely inspired by Chris Hemsworth's portrayal in "Thor" and "The Avengers," while Severine's popularity was likely boosted by the Berenice Marlohe's character in "Skyfall." The list was rounded out by Phaedra, Mingus and Linnea. 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Denny's opens chapel in Las Vegas

LAS VEGAS - The Las Vegas Denny's has opened the chain's first wedding chapel, with $95 buying space for the ceremony, a bottle of champagne and a Pancake Puppies cake. The Denny's Wedding Chapel officially opened for business Wednesday and the restaurant said wedding parties will receive 20 percent off their food bills, the Las Vegas Sun reported Thursday. The wedding packages include the space, celebratory beverage and a cake made from the restaurant chain's Pancake Puppies breakfast offering. 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

The other day one of the people in the office was touting his delicious "all natural" peanut butter he just discovered. Being curious about all such products I borrowed the jar and read the ingredients. Third on the list (right after sugar, very natural) was palm oil. 

Do not buy products made of palm oil! Palm oil plantations are replacing large areas of rainforest in many countries including Malaysia and Indonesia. Further, palm oil may increase the risk of cardiovascular disease due to the high concentration of statured fats.



Palm Oil is a seed crop grown in many parts of the world, the majority being in Malaysia and Indonesia. It is a form of edible vegetable oil used in many food and non-food industries, including but not limited to, cookies, crackers, popcorn, frozen dinners, low-fat dairy, candy, soap and cosmetics. More recently, it has been used in biofuels. 

Orangutans are found exclusively on the Indonesian islands of Borneo and Sumatra. The biggest threat to orangutans in the wild is from illegal logging of trees. The demand for palm oil is high and as a result these plantations are destroying the orangutan's natural habitat.

Sustainable yield palm oil is very important to the livelihood of millions of people in Indonesia. But when it is produced NON-sustainably, thousands of orangutans perish each year, due to clear cutting of rainforests and uncontrolled burns. 

It's estimated an area the size of three football fields is cut down every day, displacing forest residents - including the already endangered orangutan.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

George Carlin - They OWN You!

http://www.evtv1.com/Search.aspx?s=George+Carlin+-+They+OWN+You!
George was a prophet who knew the game was rigged from the start. 
Watch It Now: George Carlin - They OWN You!
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Following Boston's Freedom Trail
http://www.evtv1.com/Search.aspx?s=Following+Boston%27s+Freedom+Trail
Discover Boston by walking the Freedom Trail, a route through 16 sites where the city's dramatic history played out. 
Watch It Now: Following Boston's Freedom Trail

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Q: Why did God give men penises?
A: So they'd have at least one good way to shut a woman up.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

New study reveals: Beer contains female hormones! 

Last month, Montreal University scientists released the results of a recent analysis that revealed the presence of female hormones in beer. Men should take a concerned look at their beer consumption. 

The research theory is that beer contains female hormones (hops contain Phytoestrogens) and that by drinking enough beer, men turn into women. 

To test the theory, 100 men each drank 8 schooners of beer within a one (1) hour period. 
It was then observed that 100% of the test subjects, yes, 100% of all these men: 
1) Argued over nothing. 
2) Refused to apologize when obviously wrong. 

3) Gained weight. 
4) Talked excessively without making sense. 

5) Became overly emotional 
6) Couldn't drive. 
7) Failed to think rationally, and 
8) Had to sit down while urinating. 

No further testing was considered necessary! 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

The biggest difference between men and women is what comes to mind when the word 'Facial' is used.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

How can a pants pocket be empty and still have something in it?

ANSWER: If it has a hole.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

QUOTE: "If any thing is sacred the human body is sacred."

HINT: (1819-1892), American poet, essayist, and journalist.

ANSWER: Walt Whitman.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

RANDOM TIDBITS

It is hard to grasp just how small the atoms that make up your body are until you take a look at the sheer number of them. An adult is made up of around 7,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000 (7 octillion) atoms.

It might seem hard to believe, but we have about the same number of hairs on our bodies as a chimpanzee, it's just that our hairs are useless, so fine they are almost invisible.

Goose-pimples are a remnant of our evolutionary predecessors. They occur when tiny muscles around the base of each hair tense, pulling the hair more erect. With a decent covering of fur, this would fluff up the coat, getting more air into it, making it a better insulator. But with a human's thin body hair, it just makes our skin look strange.

Depending on how old you are, it's pretty likely that you have eyelash mites. These tiny creatures live on old skin cells and the natural oil (sebum) produced by human hair follicles. They are usually harmless, though they can cause an allergic reaction in a minority of people.

If you take a look on a very clear night at the constellation of Andromeda, a little fuzzy patch of light is just visible with the naked eye. If you can make out that tiny blob, you are seeing as far as is humanly possible without technology. 

In the 1920s, an American engineer investigated whether animals could live without bacteria, hoping that a bacteria-free world would be a healthier one. James "Art" Reyniers made it his life's work to produce environments where animals could be raised bacteria-free. It was possible, but many of Reyniers's animals died and those that survived had to be fed on special food. This is because bacteria in the gut help with digestion.

(Facts from The Guardian newspaper).

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

"The women's school district in New Hampshire has officially banned dodge ball because parents complained their kids were being targeted during games which, of course, is the point of dodge ball." -Jimmy Kimmel
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

"Today President Obama asked Congress for $100 million to map the human brain. And believe me, if anybody needs a map to find their brain, it's Congress." -Jay Leno
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

"Last week, a hunter in Kansas shot his friend twice because he mistakenly thought he was a turkey. After the first shot, the guy said he wasn't a turkey. But, come on, that's exactly what a turkey would have said." -Jimmy Fallon
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

A woman, searching for a job, inquired about the benefits. The Personnel Manager informed her they had group health and life insurance, but the costs were deducted from the employee's pay. 
She said, "My last employer had full health coverage, as well as five years salary for life insurance and a month's sick leave AND they paid the full premiums." 
"I can't help but asking madam why you would leave a job with such benefits," the interviewer replied. 
The woman shrugged her shoulders and said, "The company went bankrupt." 
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

When Peters learned that he was being fired, he went to see the head of human resources. "Since I've been with the firm for so long," he said, "I think I deserve at least a letter of recommendation." 

The human resources director agreed and said he'd have the letter that next day. The following morning, Peters found the letter on his desk. It read, "Jonathan Peters worked for our company for eleven years. When he left us, we were very satisfied." 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

It is no longer possible to see the Scientific Revolution as a self-contained European phenomenon; exchange of ideas between Islamic West Asia and Christian Europe was a lively and vital component of the new scientific discoveries. 
--Thomas Christensen, From "The World in Motion" 
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

There is not one of you who dares to write your honest opinions, and if you did, you know beforehand that it would never appear in print. I am paid weekly for keeping my honest opinion out of the paper I am connected with. 

Others of you are paid similar salaries for similar things, and any of you who would be so foolish as to write honest opinions would be out on the streets looking for another job. If I allowed my honest opinions to appear in one issue of my paper, before twenty-four hours my occupation would be gone.

The business of the journalists is to destroy the truth, to lie outright, to pervert, to vilify, to fawn at the feet of mammon, and to sell his country and his race for his daily bread. You know it and I know it, and what folly is this toasting an independent press? 

We are the tools and vassals of rich men behind the scenes. We are the jumping jacks, they pull the strings and we dance. Our talents, our possibilities and our lives are all the property of other men. We are intellectual prostitutes. 
--John Swinton, 19th Century NY Times journalist "Labor's Untold Story" by Richard O. Boyer & Herbert M. Morais, published by United Electrical, Radio & Machine Workers of America, NY, 1955/1979.) 
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

It means the potential of a weapon of mass destruction and a terrorist, massive, casualty-producing event somewhere in the Western world - it may be in the US - that causes our population to question our own Constitution and to begin to militarize our country in order to avoid a repeat of another mass, casualty-producing event. Which in fact, then begins to unravel the fabric of our Constitution... 
--Tommy Franks US Commander of forces in Iraq, Newsweek

Hope is always available to us. When we feel defeated, we need only take a deep breath and say, "Yes," and hope will reappear. 
--Monroe Forester

We judge of man's wisdom by his hope.
--Ralph Waldo Emerson
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Honesty is the first chapter in the book of Wisdom. ~ Thomas Jefferson

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Q and A Quickies

Q: What do you call a cow with only 2 right legs? 
A: Lean beef! 

Q: Why did the turtle cross the road? 
A: To get to the shell station. 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Ok, here is the rule; If you see a snarling dog locked in a cage, do NOT stick your fingers through the wire to try to pet it. 

That, apparently, is a rule that was never taught to one 11-year-old Florida boy who did just that...and had his finger bitten off. 

While he might not have been the best at teaching common sense lessons, the boy's dad was prepared to take control of the situation, by pulling the dog out of the cage and shooting it several times.

This was no revenge killing. The father was trying to recover the finger, which he did. The story does not give details so I will leave it to you to speculate on how he did that. 

After removing the severed finger from the dog's stomach he waited for emergency responders to arrive. The boy was air-lifted to All Children's Hospital in St. Petersburg for treatment. His condition was not immediately released. 

A preliminary investigation supports a father's account of the shooting and Manatee County Animal Control removed the dog's remains from the home.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Company makes bacon condoms, sunscreen

SEATTLE - A Seattle company specializing in bacon-flavored products said its two newest products aren't for ingestion -- bacon sunscreen and bacon-flavored condoms. J&D's Foods, famous for products included bacon-flavored salt and "baconnaise" sandwich spread, said it is releasing an SPF 30 sunscreen designed to keep the wearer "smelling like something delicious is cooking for several hours," WEWS-TV, Cleveland, reported Monday. The company is also releasing condoms that look like bacon and are coated with "an ultra-premium Bacon-flavored personal lubricant." The bottles of sunscreen and condom three-packs each cost $9.99. 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

QUOTE: "We live longer than our forefathers; but we suffer more from a thousand artificial anxieties and cares. They fatigued only the muscles, we exhaust the finer strength of the nerves."

HINT: (1803-1873), English politician, poet, playwright, and novelist.

ANSWER: Edward Bulwer-Lytton.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

RANDOM TIDBITS

The Snickers candy bar was named after the family horse by its creators, Frank and Ethel Mars. When it was first introduced in 1929, a Snickers bar sold for only a nickel.

During World War II, Heath bars were chosen as part of U.S. soldiers' rations because of their long shelf life. M&M's also were often included because of their resistance to melting.

Although the Curtiss Candy Company insisted that the Baby Ruth bar was named in honor of President Cleveland's daughter Ruth; skeptics, however, believe it was more likely an attempt to cash in on the popularity of baseball player Babe Ruth without paying royalties.

The 3 Musketeers bar, introduced in 1932, was originally composed of three separate pieces of candy with vanilla, chocolate and strawberry flavorings.

The Milky Way candy bar was originally supposed to taste like malted milk. The founder of the Mars company came up with the idea at a local visit to a malt shop. Milky Way was born in 1923.

William H. Luden created the 5th Avenue bar. However, Luden is best known for his cough drops.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

As of 2009 numbers there are about 1,900 landfills in the United States. 

While 1,900 represents an actual significant decline in numbers over the last 25 years, the size of landfills has gone up dramatically, making them mega-landfills, really. 

Fewer, larger landfills also means trash now has to travel farther from your kitchen to its final resting place, and longer trips mean more greenhouse gas emissions.

Either way you look at it, trash is a big problem. But what can you do? All the recycling in the world won't eliminate trash. 

Actually it will. Take a look at Sweden. 

In Sweden, where they use an innovative waste-to-energy program and highly efficient recycling habits, they have actually run out of trash.

In order to continue fueling the waste-to-energy factories that provide electricity to a quarter of a million homes and 20 percent of the entire country's district heating, Sweden is now importing trash from the landfills of other European countries. In fact, those countries are paying Sweden to do so, turning garbage into gold for Sweden. 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

"You can't have everything. Where would you put it?" 
- Steven Wright 

"Employ thy time well, if thou meanest to get leisure." 
- Benjamin Franklin 

"Silence is more musical than any song." 
- Christina Rossetti 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

8 Great Film "Easter Eggs"

http://www.pastemagazine.com/blogs/lists/2013/03/8-great-film-easter-eggs.html
Some DVDs get even better when you discover special hidden "Easter Egg". Here are a few gems that make some flicks even better. 

Visit: 8 Great Film "Easter Eggs"

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

The 10 Most Useless Members of G.I. Joe
http://io9.com/the-10-most-useless-members-of-g-i-joe-459193752
G.I. Joe is always ready to fight the good fight against Cobra, but sometimes there are a few members of your team that just seem taint your image and make you look like G.I. D'oh! 

Visit: The 10 Most Useless Members of G.I. Joe

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

Suicide Watch

 

I don't know why but I was just sacked from my call centre job with Samaritans.


Here’s what happened ......

A bloke phoned and said, "I'm Abdul Mohammed, and I’m going to kill myself.
I’m lying on the railway track now waiting for the train to come"

All I said was .....



Remain calm and stay on the line

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

"Today is Thursday. Or what I like to call on Friday, 'yesterday.'" -Jimmy Fallon
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

"Tom Cruise made his first public comments about his divorce from Katie Holmes. He said, 'I didn't see it coming." Apparently Katie kept her divorce papers on top of the refrigerator." -Conan O'Brien
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

"Over the weekend the premier of China told Kim Jong Un to chill out. Japan gave warnings too. First China, now Japan. I haven't seen people turn against a fat Korean guy this quickly since 'Gangnam Style.'" -Craig Ferguson
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

TO ALL THE KIDS WHO SURVIVED the 50's, 60's and 70's! 

First, we survived being born to mothers who smoked and/or drank while they carried us. 

They took aspirin, ate blue cheese dressing, tuna from a can, and didn't get tested for diabetes. 

Then after that trauma, our baby cribs were covered with bright colored lead-based paints. 

We had no childproof lids on medicine bottles, doors or cabinets and when we rode our bikes, we had no helmets, not to mention, the risks we took hitchhiking. 

As children, we would ride in cars with no seat belts or air bags. 

Riding in the back of a pick up on a warm day was always a special treat. 

We drank water from the garden hose and NOT from a bottle. 

We shared one soft drink with four friends, from one bottle and NO ONE actually died from this. 

We ate cupcakes, white bread and real butter and drank soda pop with sugar in it, but we weren't overweight because WE WERE ALWAYS OUTSIDE PLAYING! 

We would leave home in the morning and play all day, as long as we were back when the streetlights came on. 

No one was able to reach us all day. And we were O.K. 

We would spend hours building our go-carts out of scraps and then ride down the hill, only to find out we forgot the brakes. After running into the bushes a few times, we learned to solve the problem. 

We did not have Playstations, Nintendo's, X-boxes, no video games at all, no 99 channels on cable, no video tape movies, no surround sound, no cell phones, no personal computers, no Internet or Internet chat rooms...WE HAD FRIENDS and we went outside and found them! 

We fell out of trees, got cut, broke bones and teeth and there were no lawsuits from these accidents. 

We ate worms and mud pies made from dirt, and the worms did not live in us forever. 

We were given BB guns for our 10th birthdays, made up games with sticks and tennis balls and although we were told it would happen, we did not put out very many eyes. 

We rode bikes or walked to a friend's house and knocked on the door or rang the bell, or just walked in and talked to them! 

Little League had tryouts and not everyone made the team. Those who didn't had to learn to deal with disappointment. Imagine that! 

The idea of a parent bailing us out if we broke the law was unheard of. They actually sided with the law! 

This generation has produced some of the best risk-takers, problem solvers and inventors ever! The past 50 years have been an explosion of innovation and new ideas. 

We had freedom, failure, success and responsibility, and we learned HOW TO DEAL WITH IT ALL. 

And YOU are one of them! CONGRATULATIONS! 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

DOE RE MI BEER, by Homer J. Simpson. 

DOUGH... the stuff...that buys me beer... 

RAY..... the guy that sells me beer... 

ME...... the guy... who drinks the beer, 

FAR..... the distance to my beer 

SO...... I think I'll have a beer... 

LA...... La la la la la la beer 

TEA..... no thanks, I'm drinking beer... 

That will bring us back to...(Looks into an empty glass) 

D'OH! 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

The problem, simply put, is that we cannot choose everything simultaneously. So we live in danger of becoming paralyzed by indecision, terrified that every choice might be the wrong choice.
--Elizabeth Gilbert, Committed: A Skeptic Makes Peace with Marriage 

Every moment is a moment of decision, and every moment turns us inexorably in the direction of the rest of our lives.
--Mary Balogh, Simply Perfect

No decision-making system is going to guarantee corporate success. The strategic decisions that corporations have to make are of mind-numbing complexity. But we know that the more power you give a single individual in the face of complexity and uncertainty, the more likely it is that bad decisions will get made.
--James Surowiecki, The Wisdom of Crowds

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

It is said that no one truly knows a nation until one has been inside its jails. A nation should not be judged by how it treats its highest citizens, but its lowest ones.
--Nelson Mandela

For a revolution is not just a question of pulling a trigger; its purpose is to create a fair just society.
--Nelson Mandela
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Once a decision was made, I didn't worry about it afterward.
 Harry S. Truman

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

It's so simple to be wise. Just think of something stupid to say and then don't say it." -Sam Levenson
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

"I'm sick of following my dreams. I'm just going to ask them where they're going and hook up with them later." -Mitch Hedberg
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

"You need to be careful when writing comments," our principal told the faculty. He held a report card for a Susan Crabbe. A colleague had written, "Susan is beginning to come out of her shell."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

There was a farmer who had many pigs. One day someone came to the farm and asked the farmer, "What do you use to feed your pigs?"

"Well, I give them acorn, corn, vegetable scraps and things like that. Why?"

"Because I am from the Animals Protection Association and I think you don't feed them like you should, they shouldn't eat wastes." Then he fined the farmer.

Some days later, another person arrived and asked the same question. The farmer answered, "Well, I feed them very well. I give them fish, whole grains, hot corn mash and as much fresh fruit and vegetables as I can get my hands on. Why?"

"Because I am from the United Nations Organization and I think it's unfair that you feed your pigs like that when there are people dying with nothing to eat." And he fined the farmer.

Finally, another man came in and asked the same question. 

The hesitant farmer answered after a minute of careful thought: "Well, I give five dollars to each pig so they can buy whatever it is they want."

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

To hell with circumstances; I create opportunities.
 Bruce Lee

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I had no epiphany, no singular revelation, no moment of truth, but a steady accumulation of a thousand slights, a thousand indignities and a thousand unremembered moments produced in me an anger, a rebelliousness, a desire to fight the system that imprisoned my people. There was no particular day on which I said, Henceforth I will devote myself to the liberation of my people; instead, I simply found myself doing so, and could not do otherwise.
--Nelson Mandela

 

Notice that the stiffest tree is most easily cracked, while the bamboo or willow survives by bending with the wind.
--Bruce Lee

In a real sense, maximum disorder was our equilibrium.
--T.E. Lawrence AKA "Lawrence of Arabia"

 

Our patience will achieve more than our force.
--Edmund Burke

 

Not how did he die, but how did he live
Not what did he gain, but what did he give?
These are the units to measure the worth
Of a man as a man, regardless of birth.
Not what was his church, nor what was his creed?
But had he befriended those really in need?
Was he ever ready, with word of good cheer,
To bring back a smile, to banish a tear?
Not what did the sketch in the newspaper say,
But how many were sorry when he passed away?
--Author unknown

I got sacked from my job as a bingo caller. Apparently "A meal for two with a hairy view" is not the way to call number 69. 



Two friends were hanging out in a Western bar. One decided to try the Bucking Bronco machine. He managed to hang on for three whole minutes.
His buddy was impressed. "Wow!" he exclaimed, "That was sure something!"
"It was easy," his friend said modestly. "I get lots of practice. My wife's an epileptic."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Two Thai girls asked me if I'd like to go bed with them, they said it would be just like winning the lottery! I agreed, and they were right. We all stripped off and to my horror, we had six matching balls!

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Healthy Living from Health.com http://health.chtah.net/a/tBRZa7ABFYNexB8x4fRCFNC1EfM/top2

HEALTHY, WHITE TEETH
Think coffee is the only culprit when it comes to a less-than-bright smile?
Nope! Here are 16 ways to get  whiter teeth by making smart food choices.
http://health.chtah.net/a/tBRZa7ABFYNexB8x4fRCFNC1EfM/top24

FAKE A GOOD NIGHT'S SLEEP
How to feel energized after less-than-stellar sleep
http://health.chtah.net/a/tBRZa7ABFYNexB8x4fRCFNC1EfM/top25

BOBBI BROWN'S ANTI-AGING SECRETS
Easy tips and tricks for a more youthful look
http://health.chtah.net/a/tBRZa7ABFYNexB8x4fRCFNC1EfM/top26

BUILD MUSCLE WITHOUT BULK
Full-body exercises for long, lean, sculpted muscles
http://health.chtah.net/a/tBRZa7ABFYNexB8x4fRCFNC1EfM/top27

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

112 FT 2,755 lb CHOCOLATE TRAIN longest chocolate structure

A train made entirely of chocolate has set a new Guinness World Record

as the longest chocolate structure in the world.

The sculpture, on display at the busy Brussels South

station, is 112-feet (34.05 meters) long and weighs over 2,755 pounds (1250 kilos)

Maltese chocolate artist Andrew Farrugia spent

over 700 hours constructing the masterpiece.

He said he came up with the idea of the train last year after

visiting the Belgian Chocolate Festival in Bruge:

"I had this idea for a while, and I said

what do you think if we do this realisation of a long chocolate train,

you know, because a train you can make it as long as you like.

"Actually it was going to be much smaller than it was, but I kept on

adding another wagon, and another wagon, and it's the size it is today."

Farrugia had previously built a smaller train of 12 feet for an

event in Malta, which he said gave him insight about how to build

this much larger version. There are two parts to the train. The first seven wagons

are modelled after the new Belgian trains, and the rest of the train

is modelled after the old train wagons, including a wagon with a bar

and restaurant on board.

Three days before the event, Farrugia transported the chocolate

train by truck in 25 wooden boxes from Malta to Belgium .

Farrugia said the train incurred considerable damage during the drive

and several of the train's walls had completely collapsed. Luckily, with hard

work and little sleep, the chocolate artist was able to fix all the damages

before presenting the train to the public on Monday.

After measuring the length of the train and confirming

no material other than chocolate was used, officials from

the Guinness Book of World Records

added a new category to the collection of world records and

declared the train to be the longest chocolate structure in the world.

 

http://www.zuzafun.com/the-longest-chocolate-train

 

Look at the pics, then check out this video, lol

 

http://www.itn.co.uk/And%20Finally/61957/the-worlds-longest-chocolate-train~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

Chocolate: the secret to long-term memory?

A flavonoid found in cocoa beans could mean the difference between remembering and forgetting, according to a study published in the Journal of Experimental Biology. Scientists from the Hotchkiss Brain Insitute in Calgary linked the flavonoid (-)-epicatechin (or epi for short) to the formation of long-term memory.

Epi: an edible, natural chemical

Found in cocoa beans, green tea, blueberries, and red wine, epi is a plant-based phytochemical associated with memory and neural performance. Research from a variety of labs has found that epi may play a role in the regeneration of neurons, help protect against certain types of neuronal death, and, according to this 2012 study,significantly improve long-term memory.

http://www.lumosity.com/blog/chocolate/

 

Ursa ~
ursarodinia@aol.com