Friday, February 22, 2013

Paws & Claws ~ January 20, 2013 ~ NFC & AFC PLayoffs ~

3 Simple Rules:
1. If you do not GO after what you want,
You'll never have it.
2. If you do not ASK,
The answer will always be NO.
3. If you do not STEP FORWARD,
You'll always be in the SAME PLACE.
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2013 January
See Explanation.  Clicking on the picture will download  the highest resolution version available.
The Antikythera Mechanism
Credit & License: Wikipedia
Explanation: What is it? It was found at the bottom of the sea aboard an ancient Greek ship. Its seeming complexity has prompted decades of study, although some of its functions remained unknown. X-ray images of the device have confirmed the nature of the Antikythera mechanism, and discovered several surprising functions. The Antikythera mechanism has been discovered to be a mechanical computer of an accuracy thought impossible in 80 BC, when the ship that carried it sank. Such sophisticated technology was not thought to be developed by humanity for another 1,000 years. Its wheels and gears create a portable orrery of the sky that predicted star and planet locations as well as lunar and solar eclipses. The Antikythera mechanism, shown above, is 33 centimeters high and therefore similar in size to a large book.
A Solar Ballet
Explanation: Sometimes, the Sun itself seems to dance. On just this past New Year's Eve, for example, NASA's Sun-orbiting Solar Dynamic Observatory spacecraft imaged an impressive prominence erupting from the Sun's surface. The dramatic explosion was captured in ultraviolet light in the above time lapse video covering four hours. Of particular interest is the tangled magnetic field that directs a type of solar ballet for the hot plasma as it falls back to the Sun. The scale of the disintegrating prominence is huge -- the entire Earth would easily fit under the flowing curtain of hot gas. A quiescent prominence typically lasts about a month, and may erupt in a Coronal Mass Ejection (CME) expelling hot gas into the Solar System. The energy mechanism that creates a solar prominence is still a topic of research. As the Sun nears Solar Maximum this year, solar activity like eruptive prominences should be common.
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Coach Bowden was talking to the newest player on the team. "It's fantastic the way you strike the line, dodge, tackle and weave through your opponents."
Luke was a shy fellow, but blurted out, "I suppose it all comes from early training, sir. You see, my mom used to take me shopping with her on sale days."
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London Underground: A journey through city's past and present
This brings back memories of a summer (long ago) when I kept trying to come home, but the flights kept getting cancelled because of airport bombings (bet you remember that year). Most haunting memory ~ hearing 'Leaving on a Jet Plane' echoing down the tunnels as I left London after another aborted attempt to fly home.
Thanks, Ed
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Pentagon Craft Stick Bowl
Stack Craft sticks to create a unique 5-sided pentagon bowl. Add Simply Spray® Project Paint to give your bowl a beautiful finish. Use the bowl to hold art supplies or even wrapped candies!
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I went to the pub last night and saw a fat chick dancing on a table. I said, "Nice legs."
The girl giggled and said with a smile, "Do you really think so."
I said "Definitely! Most tables would have collapsed by now. "
ps..Doctors say he should make a full recovery!
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Survival Tip for Everyday living
Duct tape can be a lifesaver. But carrying an entire roll takes up valuable space inside a backpackand you probably won’t need that much tape. Instead, wrap a couple feet around a Bic lighter, so you always have a short supply inside your pocket.
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A guy says, "I remember the first time I used alcohol as a substitute for women."
"Yeah what happened?" asked his friend.
The first guy replies, "Well, er, I got my penis stuck in the neck of the bottle."
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Navajo & Hopi Nations
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Wiitch Humor
Q: If a Witch practices on the beach, is she a Sandwich?

Q: What's Wiccan, flies around, and makes honey?
A: The Blessed Bee!

Q: What do you say to an angry witch?
A: Ribbit

Q: What's the difference between a New Ager and a Pagan?
A: A decimal point. An item you'll pay $300 to a New Ager for, you can get from a local Pagan for $30.

Q: How do you tell a New Age witch from a NeoPagan Witch?
A: You throw them both in the water. The NeoPagan Witch will float, whereas the New Age Witch will sink under the weight of all their overpriced crystals....

Q: What happens when a Ceremonial Magician gets angry?
A: He goes Qua-ballistic.
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Snark
Snark
Also called the Percontation Point and the Irony Mark, this one's used to indicate that there's another layer of meaning in a sentence. Usually a sarcastic or ironic one. So it is essentially a tool for smart people to use to make stupid people feel even stupider. Which makes it the best punctuation mark of all.
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Home made fabric softener & Home made dryer sheets!

Fabric Softener:

3 cups warm water
1.5 cups white vinegar or Scented Vineger ( Rose/ Lavender / Apple Vinegar if you want Fresh Scent
1 cup natural conditioner (you could use non-natural conditioner too to save money)
essential oil (optional. I accidentally bought a conditioner that smelled terrible! But with some orange essential oil it smelled fantastic. Just add enough drops till you can smell it)

Direction: Pour all ingredients into a half gallon container and stir. Don't shake or it will make an extreme mess! Add essential oils if desired and stir again!

To use: Add the same amount you would the store bought kind about 1/4 cup during the rinse cycle.

Dryer Sheets:


1: Find an old T-shirt, flannel blankets, or old wash cloths.
2: Cut it into squares or rectangles
3: in a bowl mix 1/4-1/2 cup of fabric softener (depending on how many your are going to make) with equal parts water.
4: dip fabric in mixture, squeeze out extra, and let air dry
5: Throw in the dryer like a normal dryer sheet. Use each sheet up to 2-3 times.
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The more one forgets himself -- by giving himself to a cause, to serve, or another person to love -- the more human he is. --Victor Frankl, Man's Search for Meaning
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When the impossibility of replacing a person is realized, it allows the responsibility which a man has for his existence and its continuance to appear in all its magnitude. A man who becomes conscious of the responsibility he bears toward a human being who affectionately waits for him, or to an unfinished work, will never be able to throw away his life. He knows the "why" for his existence, and will be able to bear almost any "how.--Victor Frankl, Man's Search for Meaning
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It is the very pursuit of happiness that thwarts happiness.--Victor Frankl, Man's Search for Meaning
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It is the very pursuit of happiness that thwarts happiness.--Victor Frankl, Man's Search for Meaning
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Everything can be taken from a man but one thing, the last of the human freedoms -- to choose one's attitude in any given set of circumstances, to choose one's own way.
--Victor Frankl, Man's Search for Meaning
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I love the man that can smile in trouble, that can gather strength from distress, and grow brave by reflection. 'Tis the business of little minds to shrink; but he whose heart is firm, and whose conscience approves his conduct, will pursue his principles unto death. ~Thomas Paine
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dragonz.jpg
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Tim decided to tie the knot with his long time girlfriend.
One evening, after the honeymoon, he was organizing his golfing equipment. His wife was standing nearby watching him.
After a long period of silence she finally speaks. "Honey, I've been thinking, now that we're married maybe it's time you quit golfing. You spend so much time on the course. You could probably get a good price for your clubs."
Tim gets this horrified look on his face.
She says, "Darling, what's wrong?"
"For a minute there you were sounding like my ex-wife."
"Ex wife!" she screams, "I didn't know you were married before!"
"I wasn't," he replied.
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"A new survey found that 77 percent of Americans think politicians do serious harm to the country. Politicians are like, 'Cool, at least they think we do something.'" -Jimmy Fallon
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"President Obama told Congress it must raise our debt limit because the U.S. 'is not a deadbeat nation.' Then the president added, 'By the way, if China calls, I'm not here.'" -Conan O'Brien
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"Facebook CEO Mark Zuckerberg introduced a new feature called Graph Search. It's an interesting feature. Soon you'll be able to find anything you want on Facebook, except for the thousands of hours of your life you lost going on Facebook." -Jimmy Kimmel
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When I was a kid adults used to bore me to tears with their tedious diatribes about how hard things were when they were growing up.

What with walking twenty-five miles to school every morning uphill both ways through year 'round blizzards carrying their younger siblings on their backs to their one-room schoolhouse where they maintained a straight-A average despite their full-time after-school job at the local textile mill where they worked for 35 cents an hour just to help keep their family from starving to death!

And I remember promising myself that when I grew up there was no way I was going to lay that on kids about how hard I had it and how easy they've got it!

But....

Now that I've reached the ripe old age of thirty, I can't help but look around and notice the youth of today.

You've got it so easy! I mean, compared to my childhood, you live in a Utopia! And I hate to say it but you kids today don't know how good you've got it!

I mean, when I was a kid we didn't have the Internet. If we wanted to know something, we had to go to the library and look it up ourselves!

And there was no email! We had to actually write somebody a letter, with a pen! And then you had to walk all the way across the street and put it in the mailbox and it would take like a week to get there!

And there were no MP3s or Napsters! If you wanted to steal music, you had to go to the record store and shoplift it yourself! Or, we had to wait around all day to tape it off the radio and the DJ would usually talk over the beginning and mess it all up!

You want to hear about hardship?

We didn't have fancy stuff like Call Waiting! If you were on the phone and somebody else called, they got a busy signal!

And we didn't have fancy Caller ID Boxes either! When the phone rang, you had no idea who it was, it could be your boss, your Mom, a collections agent, you didn't know!!!

You just had to pick it up and take your chances, mister!

And we didn't have any fancy Sony Playstation videogames with high-resolution 3-D graphics!

We had the Atari 2600! With games like "Space Invaders" and "Asteroids"! Your guy was a little square! You had to use your imagination! And there were no multiple levels or screens, it was just one screen forever!

And you could never win, the game just kept getting harder and faster until you died!

Just like LIFE!

When you went to the movie theater, there was no such thing as stadium seating! All the seats were the same height! If a tall guy sat in front of you, you watched his hairstyle!

And sure, we had cable television, but back then that was only like 20 channels and there was no onscreen menu! You had to use a little book called a TV Guide to find out what was on!

And there was no Cartoon Network! You could only get cartoons on Saturday morning... D'ya hear what I'm saying!?!

We had to wait ALL WEEK!

That's exactly what I'm talking about! You kids today have got it too easy. You're spoiled!

You guys wouldn't last five minutes back in 1984!
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270961_146393955515442_1536590218_n.jpg
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A young boy with diarrhea approaches his mom and asks for some Viagra.
Mom says, "Viagra? Why in the world do you want that?"
The boy replies, "Isn't that what you give Dad when his shit won't get hard?"
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QUOTE: "When we remember we are all mad, the mysteries disappear and life stands explained."

HINT: (1835-1910), American author and humorist.

ANSWER: Mark Twain.
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RANDOM TIDBITS

In order to save other metals for war production, U.S. pennies minted in 1943 were made of steel and, as a result, are attracted by magnets. A handful of 1944 cents were also struck on steel as well.

Is it Steel or Steele? Here's a short list with the proper spellings: TV detective Remington Steele, author Danielle Steel, pro wrestler George "The Animal" Steele, British politician David Steel, writer Sir Richard Steele, movie executive Dawn Steel, and computer scientist Guy Steele.

What is it that makes steel stainless? A 10 to 30 percent level of chromium in the alloy provides the corrosion resistance necessary to prevent discoloration.

Evidence suggests that the Chinese were able to produce heat-treated steel implements 2,000 years ago. Most of the rest of the world didn't catch on for nearly a millennium.

The logo of the NFL's Pittsburgh Steelers features three colored "hypocycloids," each representing a material associated with steel production: yellow (for coal), orange (for iron ore), and blue (for steel scrap).

Recent tests made on steel samples taken from the Titanic's hull reveal that it had a low manganese content, which makes steel more brittle. Scientists believe this inferior metal was one of the factors that caused the ship's demise.
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There are issues other than gun violence and gun control which demand our attention; like the slow unraveling of western civilization. The news today read like signposts marking the progressive dissolution of society. These problems need to be addressed. Are there solutions?

Take the story of a 29-year-old mother who was attacked while shopping in a Bed Bath & Beyond in Middletown, NJ. The 19-year-old assailant approached her, apparently randomly, and began stabbing her multiple times, puncturing both her lungs before he fled.

Fortunately the victim survived, but clearly what is needed here is more knife control. If there were fewer knives on the streets this tragedy might not have happened.

Then there is the story of a Dallas grocery store clerk who was brutally attacked during a robbery. His assailant put him into a coma by beating him repeatedly in the head with several hammers. Several! Why are there not federally mandated hammer locks? And a limit on the number of hammers a person can buy should be a no-brainer.

Finally, in Philadelphia, a poor woman who was waiting for a train at a subway station was approached by a homeless man who asked her for a light. When she reached into her pocket he grabbed her and began punching her multiple times. He then dragged her to the edge of the platform threw her onto the tracks, afterward running away with her cell phone.

When are our elected officials going to see that what we need to do is register the homeless? Perhaps create a database where information on the homeless can be shared so we know who and where they are?

When these practical, common sense steps are taken, then we can safely and comfortably ignore the plague of mental illness, the corruption of education and the erosion of our cultural values and mores.

Let the email flagellation begin.
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Pot pie burglar enters drug treatment

SALISBURY, Md. - A Maryland man who broke down the door of a house, took off his pants and ate a chicken pot pie was spared jail when he agreed to enter drug treatment. Russell Neff, 23, pleaded guilty to first degree burglary and was sentenced to 10 years in jail with all but time served suspended when he agreed to enter a drug treatment court program Jan. 11, The Daily Times, Salisbury, Md., reported Thursday. Police said Neff broke down the door to a stranger's Salisbury home in August and cooked and ate a chicken pot pie from the home's kitchen, The Washington Post reported. Officers arrived to find Neff clad in only his underwear and licking a television remote control, police said
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Pa. prison offers 'love' tours
PHILADELPHIA - A former prison in Philadelphia is offering special Valentine's Day tours themed around "love stories throughout the prison's history." Officials said Eastern State Penitentiary, which operated as a prison from 1829 until 1971, will offer romantic Winter Adventure Tours Feb. 14-17 with a focus on the love stories from the years of the prison's operation. "During these four days, visitors can experience the history of Eastern State with an added focus on love stories throughout the prison's history," the attraction's website said. The love stories detailed on the tour will include the stories of Elizabeth Velora Elwell and Albert Green Jackson, inmates who exchanged letters and met secretly in the prison's cellar, and inmate Sydney Ware, who married socialite Ella Hershey before she secured his pardon. Tickets for the tours are being sold as buy one, get one free to encourage visitors to bring their significant others.
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I got caught taking a pee in the local swimming pool today.
The lifeguard shouted at me so loud, I nearly fell in.
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Chinese Prostate Treatment
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The Galactic Empire responds to the White House's refusal to build a Death Star.
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Easy way to make Bacon in the Oven

1 LB thick cut bacon
2 cookie sheets
tin foil
preheat oven to 425 degrees.

1.Cover cookie sheets with tin foil, you can skip this step if you want BUT it will save you time scrubbing your pans.
2. Take your Bacon Rinse it under cold water and Lay bacon out on pans.
3. Cover with a layer of Tin Foil
4.Baked 15 minutes. Less if you like limp, wiggly bacon, more if you like crispy charred bacon.
add brown sugar if you want a nice treat or cinnamon or Cayenne pepper
Rinsing the bacon under cold water keeps the bacon from Curling up
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Amateur prospector finds massive 5.5 kg gold nugget

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http://commons.wikimedia.org/wiki/File:Candy_desk.jpg
In 1965, California senator George Murphy began keeping sweets in his desk on the Senate floor, and he offered them to colleagues who passed by. Because Murphy sat near a busy entrance, the “candy desk” became well known, and when Murphy left the Senate after one term the tradition was maintained. In the ensuing years Slade Gorton, John McCain, George Voinovich, and Rick Santorum have all sat at the candy desk, each stocking it with confections from his home state. (In Santorum’s case, this was a bonanza — Hershey shipped more than 400 pounds of chocolate each year from its Pennsylvania headquarters.) The seat is currently occupied by Illinois senator Mark Kirk, who stocks it with Wrigley’s gum, Garrett’s popcorn, Tootsie Rolls and Jelly Bellys.
Though by tradition the candy desk is always occupied by a Republican senator, the physical desk that’s used may vary. The current desk was once occupied by Barack Obama.
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Titles of “in rem” condemnation cases, in which the government sues to justify the seizure of an asset:
  • United States v. 11 1/4 Dozen Packages of Article Labeled in Part Mrs. Moffat’s Shoo Fly Powders for Drunkenness, 40 F. Supp. 208 (W.D.N.Y. 1941)
  • United States v. 2,116 Boxes of Boned Beef, etc., 726 F.2d 1481
  • United States v. Approximately 64,695 Pounds of Shark Fins, 520 F.3d 976 (9th Cir. 2008)
  • United States v. 2,507 Live Canary Winged Parakeets, 689 F. Supp. 1106 (S.D. Fla. 1988)
  • United States v. One Lucite Ball Containing Lunar Material (One Moon Rock) and One Ten Inch by Fourteen Inch Wooden Plaque, 235 F. Supp. 2d 1367 (S.D. Fla. 2003)
  • United States v. Article Consisting of 50,000 Cardboard Boxes More or Less, Each Containing One Pair of Clacker Balls, 413 F. Supp. 1281 (D. Wisconsin 1976)
In 1836 a flotilla of brandy casks washed ashore on the south coast of England, and an ownership dispute arose between a local property owner and the crown. Unfortunately for William IV, the case was recorded as The King v. Forty-Nine Casks of Brandy.
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  • Mississippi didn’t ratify the 13th Amendment, abolishing slavery, until 1995.
  • To protect its ecosystem, the location of Hyperion, the world’s tallest living tree, is kept secret.
  • CIRCUMSTANTIAL EVIDENCE = ACTUAL CRIME ISN’T EVINCED
  • “Well, if I called the wrong number, why did you answer the phone?” — James Thurber
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Benjamin Franklin once wrote, “I have sometimes almost wished it had been my destiny to have been born two or three centuries hence.” In one ingenious way he managed to touch the 20th century directly.
In 1785, French mathematician Charles-Joseph Mathon de la Cour wrote a parody of Poor Richard’s Almanac in which the idealistic main character deposits a small amount of money to collect interest over several centuries, enabling him to fund valuable projects after his death. Franklin, who was 79 years old, thanked him for the idea and bequeathed £1,000 each to the cities of Boston and Philadelphia, stipulating that it gather interest for 200 years. When it came due in 1990, the Philadelphia fund had accumulated $2 million, which the city spent on scholarships for local high school students. The Boston trust amassed nearly $5 million, which went to establish the Benjamin Franklin Institute of Technology.
“What astonished me in reading his will was how much energy, intelligence and vigor came through after 200 years,” lawyer Gerard J. St. John, who oversaw the distribution of the Philadelphia funds, told the Philadelphia Inquirer. “I began to have a greater appreciation for Franklin’s place in history.”
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Remove any nine cards from an ordinary deck, shuffle them, and deal them face down into three piles. Choose any pile and note its bottom card. Then assemble the three piles into one, being sure to place the chosen pile on top.
Suppose the card you chose is the three of spades. Spell T-H-R-E-E, dealing one card face down onto the table with each letter. Place the remaining cards on top of these five and take up the whole packet. Now spell O-F, and again place the remaining cards on top of these two. Then spell S-P-A-D-E-S and place the remaining cards on top.
Now pick up the packet and spell M-A-G-I-C, dealing the final card face up. It’s the three of spades.
Remarkably, this trick will produce any card, from the 10-letter ace of clubs to the 15-letter queen of diamonds. It was invented by California magician Jim Steinmeyer.
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Australia’s tallest mountain and most populous city were named for people who never visited the country. Mount Kosciuszko was named after Polish military hero Tadeusz Kosciuszko, because of its resemblance to a prehistoric mound in Krak√≥w, and Sydney was named for British politician Thomas Townshend, Lord Sydney.
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Here is Julie Burchill's censored Observer article
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Portland On The Web: Paste, Drink Portland, ArtPlace & More

Portlanders no longer have an excuse to drink alone; Boneyard Brewery's Daniel Keeton has created a craft beer specifically for dogs. Now when you make a questionable decision while drinking, you can also chide Fido about the time he over-imbibed and spent the night with the poodle next door.

The Oregonian reported this week TriMet drivers have been taking up to 22-hour long shifts to take advantage of extra overtime. You have to admire that kind of work ethic considering the only thing most Portlanders will do for 22 straight hours is a Battlestar Galactica marathon.

And finally, kudos to the person who reminded us poop will always be funny by vandalizing a bunch of stop signs around town this week.

Here is a round-up of the goings-on in Portland this week:
Paste: Oregon beer maker develops brew for dogs
KATU: Portland stop signs vandalized to read 'POOP'
Oregonian: TriMet overtime: 'Exhaustion has become part of the culture' at transit agency
KGW: Urban spots among the most peaceful in Oregon
Drink Portland: New year: Six drinking resolutions
Portland Tribune: Pamplin Media acquires six Oregon newspapers
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“What SHOULD We Be Worried About?”
That was the question posed to a gaggle of the world’s smartest people by Edge.org. Great thinkers from all disciplines weigh in with everything from “Chinese eugenics” to”out of control nanotechnology” to “the fall of science journalism”. What do you think of their ideas?
Guaranteed to be the most intelligent thing you read for the rest of the week, at least.
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If you wish to have a last supper, you must first create the universe.
If you wish to have a last supper, you must first create the universe. (If you’re looking for a new Facebook cover photo, might I suggest this one? Also, where is Tesla?)
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JUST POSTED: Gadget Geeks on StarTalk Radio at San Diego ComicCon 2012 Part 2 w/ Phil Plait the "Bad Astronomer" & Baba Booey. Downloadable from iTunes & from the StarTalkRadio.net [Audio: 1hr 10min ]
In part 2 of our show from San Diego Comic-Con, astrophysicist Neil deGrasse Tyson, Gadget Gary (Baba Booey of the Howard Stern Show) and The Bad Astronomer Phil Plait turn from gadgets that exist to gadgets we dream about. From Star Trek and Star Wars to Doctor Who and James Bond, the guys expose the coolest fictional technology to the harsh light of science. Could the Starship Enterprise travel faster than light? What would happen if you beamed a person from one place to another using a transporter? What are the practical problems with the lightsabers in Star Wars? Could the Death Star really blow up a planet? How possible are Doctor Who’s sonic screwdriver, psychic paper and TARDIS? And are they any less plausible than James Bond’s vehicular cloaking device or bullet-deflecting magnetic pen? Join StarTalk at SDCC and find out for yourself.
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RANDOM TIDBITS

Johnny Cash's "A Boy Named Sue" was penned by beloved children's author Shel Silverstein.

M&M's actually stands for "Mars & Murrie's," the last names of the candy's founders.

Carly Simon's dad is the Simon of Simon and Schuster. He co-founded the company.

In the 1970s, Mattel sold a doll called "Growing Up Skipper." Her breasts grew when her arm was turned.

In 1999, Furbies were banned from the National Security Agency's Maryland headquarters because it was feared the toys might repeat national security secrets.

Kool-Aid was originally marketed as "Fruit Smack."

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A Different Position

HUSBAND: Shall we try a different position tonight?

WIFE: That's a good idea... you stand by the ironing board while I sit on the sofa and fart.
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Q and A Quickies

Q: What do you call a handcuffed man?
A: Trustworthy.

Q: When is it a good time to eat a window?
A: When it's jammed.
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Monday Eye Candy
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"What happened to the fiscal cliff? Are we on it or off it? Forget it. The debt ceiling is the brand new crisis. The fiscal cliff was just the warm-up, just for beginners, like a student film." -Dave Letterman
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"The White House has announced that the theme for President Obama's second inauguration will be 'Faith in America's Future.' The idea is to get our minds off of America's present." -Jay Leno
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Rushing to get to the movies, my husband and I told the kids we had to leave "right now", at which point our teenage daughter headed for the bathroom to apply makeup. Her dad yelled for her to get in the car immediately, and headed for the garage grumbling.
On the way to the multiplex my husband glanced in the rear-view mirror and caught our teen applying lipstick and blush, which produced the predictable lecture. "Look at your mom," he said. "She didn't put on any makeup just to go sit in a dark movie theater."
From the back I heard, "Yeah, but Mom doesn't need makeup."
My heart swelling with the compliment, I turned back to thank this sweet, wonderful daughter of mine just as she continued, "Nobody looks at her."
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QUOTE: "In the ideal sense nothing is uninteresting; there are only uninterested people."

HINT: (1894-1984), American theatre critic who worked for The New York Times from 1925 to 1960.

ANSWER: Brooks Atkinson.
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From a fan. When it's time to cache out.
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Natural weed killer (made with basic items in your kitchen) :)

Materials:
spray bottle (I had a 34 ounce one I purchased at the $ store a while ago)
Pickling vinegar (It works better than regular vinegar because the acetic acid % is higher)
Salt (1/2 cup for my size bottle)
Dish soap (a squeeze)

Fill a spray bottle almost full with Pickling vinegar. Since my spray bottle wasn't huge, I added only 1/2 cups of salt. If you spray bottle is big, add more salt. Squirt in a dash of dish soap into the bottle. Close the bottle tight and shake, shake, shake. You are done!!!

Go outside on a bright sunny day and spray those weeds. I found the sun sped up the process so try to pick a good day to do it. Remember though, this will also kill your grass and plants too. So don't get trigger happy like me and kill other things around the garden :)
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Another white moose sighting in the north!Photo: The Alaska Life
Thanks Dana
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"The "devil" is a fictional character made up (and perpetuated) by insecure humans who want to control other insecure humans. There's a lot of power in fear, isn't there?
There shouldn't be, because, really, what fear is, is power-less.
If you understood Source, as we do, you would never fashion such fiction because there is only Well-Being that flows from that which is your Source."
--- Abraham
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"The makers of the Monopoly game announced they are going to replace one of the famous board game's tokens. If they want to modernize Monopoly they should just throw the banker into prison and put Lindsay Lohan on the 'Get Out of Jail' free card." -Jay Leno
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An employee of USAir by the name of James Gay boarded a US Air flight with a free travel voucher. Soon after he sat down, someone else came and claimed he had the same seat assignment, so Mr. Gay moved down do an empty seat.
Soon after that the airplane began to fill up. The rule with the US Air employee vouchers is that if a paying customer needs your seat, you have to surrender it. So when the flight became completely full and still more needed to get on, a flight attendant went to the original seat of Mr. Gay and said to the man now sitting there, "Excuse me, are you Gay?"
The man, somewhat stunned, said, "Well, yes, as a matter of fact I am."
The flight attendant said, "I'm sorry, but you'll have to get off the plane."
At this point Mr. Gay, who had been watching all of this (and was rather amused) jumped up and said, "Excuse me, you've made a mistake. I'm Gay!"
Finally, another man jumped up and said, "Well, hell, I'm gay too. They can't throw us all off!"
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"A new study found that women's faces age and wrinkle just like their mothers. The study was conducted by the American Society of Wrong Things to Say to Your Wife." -Jimmy Fallon
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"Resolutions just set you up for failure. My resolution last year was to learn Spanish, and that only lasted about dos weekos." -Craig Ferguson
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Decades before the debut of the Consumer Electronics Show, early adopters flocked to extravagant high-tech fairs in New York and Chicago
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Think Fast
In its 1929 debut, the Academy Awards bestowed golden statuettes to winners in how many categories?
6
14
25
36
(Think Fast Answer: 14) On May 16, 1929, Douglas Fairbanks presented the first Academy Awards to honorees in 14 categories. In an odd, one-time pairing, there were awards for both Outstanding and Unique and Artistic pictures.
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See, telt ya it wiz cold
Thanks Peter
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Mysteries of Vernacular
Clue
Assassin
Thanks Dana S
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RANDOM TIDBITS

After Hurricane Katrina damaged the Louisiana Superdome in 2005, nearly $200 million was invested in repairs and upgrades, including $33 million to replace 444,000 square feet of the structure's doomed roof.

New York's Polo Grounds had the distinction of being the only stadium to host the home games of three different major league franchises: the Yankees, Giants, and Mets.

In 1986, when it was time to place new artificial turf in Bronco Stadium at Boise State University, athletic director Gelln Bleymaier arranged for the fake grass to be installed in the school's colors: blue for the main field and orange for the end zones. Opposing players have admitted difficulty adjusting to the "Smurf Turf," as it is affectionately known.

Only one pro baseball franchise has not changed ballparks at least once. The Florida Marlins have played their home games at Dolphin Stadium (formerly known as Joe Robbie Stadium and Pro Player Stadium) since they became a National League expansion team in 1993.

On November 22, 2003, despite below-zero temperatures, a record crowd of more than 57,000 fans gathered at Edmonton's Commonwealth Stadium to watch first an alumni game and then the first outdoor game in NHL history. The hometown Oilers fell to the Montreal Canadiens 4-3.

No Super Bowl team has played the game in its home stadium. The closest to that was in Super Bowl XIV in 1980, when the Pittsburgh Steelers defeated the Los Angeles Rams at the Rose Bowl in Pasadena, about 15 miles away from the Rams' home turf at Los Angeles Memorial Coliseum, which is where the first Super Bowl was held in 1967.
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The "tax holiday" which reduced people's Social Security deductions expired at the beginning of the year. I am sure everyone has noticed their pay check has gone down by a couple percent. But what does this working lifetime of 6.2 percent payments to Social Security buy you?


Random Facts:

The first form of the Social Security program began during President Franklin D. Roosevelt's first term during the Great Depression of the 1930s. It was originally intended to protect Americans from the perils of financial strife caused by old age, poverty, unemployment, and the burdens of widows and fatherless children. Primarily this included unemployment insurance, old-age assistance and aid to dependent children.

In the ensuing 75 years numerous changes and expansions have been made to Social Security. These include; automatic cost of living increases, expanded disability coverage, payment of benefits to disabled workers of any age and to their dependents, survivors benefits paid to the family in the event of the premature death of a covered worker and the creation of tangent benefits programs like Medicare and Supplemental Security Income. As of 2008 more than 50 million Americans are receiving
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Thanks Debi
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AzureGreen
Founded as a small pagan store in 1986, AzureGreen has grown over the years into one of the largest online and mail order Wiccan, Pagan, and New Age stores in the world! As we've evolved, we've expanded from selling Pagan, Wicca, and Occult supplies within the basement of our owners' home to our beautiful new location at Beltane Hill. Now you can find over 7000 products ranging from spell kits and ritual supplies to bulk herbs and books on Wicca, Norse traditions, Santeria, and much more. In fact, if you can't find what you're looking for in our large selection of ritual tools and pagan supplies, let us know and we'll be glad to see if we can get it for you! Feel free to contact us with any questions, comments or requests. Read more about AzureGreen…
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Make your own Cocoa Butter Coffee body lotion
How to Make Your Own flavored Vinegar
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The Happiest Woman...

A couple is lying in bed. The man says, "I am going to make you the happiest woman in the world."
The woman says, "I'll miss you."
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Applying For A Job

A man went to apply for a job. After filling out all of his applications, he waited anxiously for the outcome.
The employer read all his applications and said, "We have an opening for people like you."
"Oh, great," he said, "What is it?"
"It's called the door!"
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Q and A Quickies

Q: What is the difference between a tick and a lawyer?
A: A tick falls off you when you die.

Q: How do you get a man to stop biting his nails?
A: Make him wear shoes.
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QUOTE: "Happiness often sneaks in through a door you didn't know you left open."

HINT: (1882-1942), American actor of stage and screen, known mostly for his portrayal of Hamlet and for his roles in movies like Dr Jekyll & Mr Hyde (1920), Grand Hotel (1932), Dinner at Eight (1933), Twentieth Century (1934), and Don Juan (1926).

ANSWER: John Barrymore.
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Swedes shed pants to ride trains
STOCKHOLM, Sweden - More than 100 people in Stockholm, Sweden, shed their trousers in cold weather for the annual No Pants Subway Ride. Betty Jarra, an organizer of the event, said the underdressed people on the commuter trains Sunday were taking part in what has become an annual tradition, The Local.se reported Monday. "It's always been a success since we started with just eight people back in 2009. And it works because it makes people happy, and it gets them to react. It doesn't matter how they react -- as long as they do," Jarra said. "People get engaged more than they usually do in Stockholm and we think that's important," she said. The event was inspired by a New York tradition, started in 2002 by performance group Improv Everywhere. There are now No Pants Subway Rides in 60 cities around the world.
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In a Word
cicisbeo
n. the escort or lover of a married woman
bedswerver
n. one who breaks one’s marriage vows
deuterogamist
n. one who marries a second time
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Here are the ten dumbest, goofiest, most ridiculous things I overheard while shopping over the weekend. (In No Particular Order)

1. My cart is full of crap!
2. Is this cheese real?
3. I found croutons in a forest this one time.
4. My Uncle Ralph knows that Chef Boyardee guy.
5. I hate drunk shopping.
6. Do you think they have that special shampoo?
7. King Size candy bars are just too much for me.
8. Fresh is always better than rotten.
9. We're not fancy enough for 2-ply.
10. Don't you wish they made a crunchier yogurt?

I may have to start shopping somewhere else, but I don't think that it would do any good.
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Crockpot Apple Butter
(makes about 2 quarts)

Appleswhatever fits in your crock pot, about 10 lbs of apples (I had about 20 apples, all different varietiesadded in two batches)
2-3 cinnamon sticks
1 t freshly grated nutmeg
1 t ground cloves
1 – 2 cups apple cider
sugar to taste (optional)
Dump all ingredients into the crock pot & turn on low for about 8 -10 hours. Add more apples at that point if you want (this will add about 8 hours). Cook on low for another 8 -10 hours or so. Remove your cinnamon sticks – if you used a more tart apple, add sugar (1/4 cup at a time) to taste. Mine ended up cooking for about 36 hours because I wanted it nice and cooked down, this is kind of up to you though. It needs at least 16 hours but can go up to 48 probably!

For the last 2 hours or so: prop the lid of the crock pot and let the extra moisture continues to evaporate until you get the desired texture.

Place into jars
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Dream of going to space but don’t feel like putting in the work to become a NASA astronaut? Here’s your chance to possibly make that fantasy come true. Mars One, a Netherlands-based nonprofit, is seeking volunteers to help colonize the Red Planet, according to Mashable.http://blogs.smithsonianmag.com/smartnews/2013/01/now-accepting-applications-for-mars-colonists/#ixzz2IZ1UdDme
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Top Ten Signs That You Are Too Drunk

10. You have to hold onto the lawn to keep from falling off the Earth.
9. Mosquitoes catch a buzz after attacking you.
8. The back of your head keeps getting hit by the toilet seat.
7. Your idea of cutting back is less salt.
6. You can focus better with one eye closed.
5. You fall off the floor.
5. The whole bar greets you when you come in.
4. You haven't had a driver's license in such a long time that you have forgotten what one looks like.
3. Roseanne looks good.
2. You don't recognize your wife/husband unless seen through bottom of glass.
1. You spent more time on the floor than you do standing up.
(Aha! Jokes)
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Last Saturday night surveillance video showed a crowd of about 200 people gathered for a baby shower when a beer bottle flew past a man's head and nearly hit a bartender as the event erupted into a melee.

Police are investigating whether alcohol was a primary factor in the brawl, which really shouldn't be a mystery since the whole affair started with a beer bottle. Police said the brawl put children at risk and required about 30 police officers to break it up. Four police officers suffered minor injuries.

Nuno Silva, a 14-year member and former vice president of the Club Luis de Camoes in Stoughton, MA where the fight occurred, said he has never heard of anything like it before.

The club rented the Porter Street function hall to a family from Brockton for the shower, who police said were not compliant when they responded.

Three men arrested in the melee pleaded not guilty at Stoughton District Court. A 14-year-old also was arrested. He was to be arraigned this week in juvenile court.

All four were charged with disorderly conduct, resisting arrest and assault and battery on a police officer.
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paint swatches, photo frame, dry erase marker = CALENDAR or chore chart ect
paint swatches, photo frame, dry erase marker = CALENDAR or chore chart ect ... :) ~Frisky

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Roundworm emerges from a dying spider - Updated (twice)
Succinctly described by the YouTuber as follows: "ok so i was just editing my latest montage and this huge spider came out, so i sprayed it and killed it, then this fricken alien worm came out of it!!! haha thanks for watching! - baskwith"
It apparently is a parasitic roundworm. I didn't know they infested creatures as small as spiders. And I'm amazed that the spider could apparently function with so much of its body mass filled with the nematode (nematomorph - see Taupo's link in the Comments).
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"Archeologists investigating an ancient shipwreck in Italy have discovered pills over 2,000 years old. Meanwhile, my mom was like, 'That date is just a recommendation. They're still good.'" -Jimmy Fallon
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"Justin Bieber is being sued for allegedly beating up his ex-bodyguard. Which begs the question: who hires a bodyguard that Justin Bieber can beat up?" -Conan O'Brien
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"My New Year's resolution this year was to get a gym membership, use it twice, and then never use it again. I'm already halfway there." -Jimmy Kimmel
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"In matters of style, swim with the current; in matters of principle, stand like a rock."
- Thomas Jefferson


"Happiness is having a large, loving, caring, close-knit family in another city."
- George Burns

"In love, one and one are one."
- Jean-Paul Sartre
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THE RED RIVER JIG

The Metis Fiddle with Trent Freeman and Ry Moran

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Fire glass produces more heat than real wood, and is also environmentally friendly. There is no smoke, it’s odorless and doesn’t produce ash. You are able to stay toasty warm without cutting down trees and the specially formulated glass crystals give off no toxic deposit you can buy it here http://www.diamondfireglass.com/
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How to make Essential Oils
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Clean your house Twice as Fast


also doubles as an excellent exfoliator and knee cap waxer. and Diy Sex Toy
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Anybody free tonight?
I’m doing a charity gig tonight for people who struggle to achieve orgasm.
Don’t worry if you can’t come!!!
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Here's a cutie
Thanks, Phlax
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Dear Abby, we will miss you and your amazing gift of wisdom and advice!! R.I.P.
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What do u do for a living
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The Beautiful and Efficient Anatomy of Pregnancy

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In October 2009, California governor Arnold Schwarzenegger attended a local Democratic Party fundraiser at the invitation of former San Francisco mayor Willie Brown. His speech was heckled by San Francisco assemblyman Tom Ammiano, who took the stage afterward to criticize the governor.
Three weeks later, Schwarzenegger vetoed a measure sponsored by Ammiano. He attached this message:
To the Members of the California State Assembly:
I am returning Assembly Bill 1176 without my signature.
For some time now I have lamented the fact that major issues are overlooked while many
unnecessary bills come to me for consideration. Water reform, prison reform, and health
care are major issues my Administration has brought to the table, but the Legislature just
kicks the can down the alley.
Yet another legislative year has come and gone without the major reforms Californians
overwhelmingly deserve. In light of this, and after careful consideration, I believe it is
unnecessary to sign this measure at this time.
Sincerely,
Arnold Schwarzenegger
Read the first letter of each printed line. “My goodness, what a coincidence,” said Schwarzenegger spokesman Aaron McLear when confronted with the acrostic. “I suppose when you do so many vetoes, something like this is bound to happen.”
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Christmas Trees with Googly Eyes
googly eyes
"I've got a bad feeling about this, Carl."
"You're always the pessimist! They moved us outside just for some fresh air. That's all."
D*Face, a street artist in London, added huge googly eyes to discarded Christmas trees that face a bleak future. You can view more pictures of his anthropomorphic trees at the link.
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Russian Soldiers to get Socks
Before the industrial revolution, many armies -and civilians- would wrap cloth around their feet to cushion them against shoes. But the practice lingered a bit longer in the Russian Army.
Near the end of World War II, Soviet and American soldiers met at the Elbe River in Germany. Lacking a common language, they compared their boots.

The Americans wore socks and lace-up boots. The Russians wore something that boggled the minds of their allies from the West: pieces of cloth twirled around their feet and inserted into bulky, knee-high boots.
The cloth strips, called portyanki, have been a signature element of the Russian military uniform since the 16th century. On Monday Russia’s minister of defense issued an order for a militarywide switch to socks.

“I have an instruction for you,” the minister, Sergei K. Shoigu, said to a gathering of the equivalent of the chiefs of staff and regional commanders in comments broadcast on NTV television news. “In 2013, or at least by the end of this year, we will forget foot bindings. I’m asking you, please, if there is need we will provide additional funds. But we need to finally, fully reject this concept in our armed forces.
Socks actually began to be phased in for Russian troops in 2007, but the switchover should be complete this year. The lag behind just about every other country in the world, and the recent reform, tells a lot about the structure of the Russian military. Read more, and also see videos on how to wrap portyanki, at the New York Times. Link-Thanks, Daniel Kim!
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Queen - A Kind Of Magic

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Fabulous Flappy-forearmed Flying Frog Found
A team led by Australian amphibian biologist Jodi Rowley was hiking through the lowland forests of Vietnam in 2009 when they first saw the large frog on a log.
Rowley later discovered that the 3.5-inch-long (9-centimeter-long) creature is a relatively large new type of flying frog, a group known for its ability to "parachute" from tree to tree thanks to special aerodynamic adaptations, such as webbed feet, Rowley said.

Rowley dubbed the new species Helen's flying frog, in honor of her mother, Helen Rowley, "who has steadfastly supported her only child trekking through the forests of Southeast Asia in search of frogs," according to a statement.

The newfound species—there are 80 types of flying frogs—is also "one of the most flying frogs of the flying frogs," Rowley said, "in that it's got huge hands and feet that are webbed all the way to the toepad."

"Females even have flappy skin on their forearms to glide," added Rowley, who has received funding from the National Geographic Committee on Research and Exploration.
The flying frogs aren't seen much because they tend to stay in the forest canopy, but with Ho Chi Minh City only a few miles away and growing, their habitat may soon be threatened. Read more on the new frog at NatGeo News. Link (Image credit: Jodi Rowley)
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How to make Edible Massage Oils
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from Weinschenk on Vimeo.
She is always entertaining~
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v
Bike manufacturer SRAM bought a unique storage building in Chicago. It was formerly a ten-story freezer for Chicago’s Fulton Market District. All that freezer space had to be defrosted before it could be used for anything else! After decades of use, the building literally had to be defrosted like an old freezer. See the Time Lapse Video (courtesy of Sterling Bay Companies.) At the: 24 second mark, you can see the large propane heaters brought in to accelerate the melting process. See more pictures at Perkins+Will. Link -via Boing Boing
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I mentioned earlier this week that a large portion of Japan was under snow. That gave Maru a chance to put on his cute blue coat and go out in it. Like most cats, he doesn't seem to be a big fan of the stuff, but is quite game for exploring. Link -via Buzzfeed
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Add echidna to the list of the world's most ungrateful animals! When 25-year-old Munro Hardy happened upon the echidna wandering in a gold mine in Australia, he grabbed the rare egg-laying mammal to save it from being run over by machineries.
Hardy pulled on a pair of leather gloves to pick up the echidna, which rolled into a ball to protect itself. So, he used a hard hat to move the spiky critter out of harm's way.
And what did the spiky monotreme (Mono-what? Look it up) to thank the man? "The little bastard crapped in my hat and then crawled under the dash in the truck and into the wiring," Hardy said.
But Hardy persevered and got the animal out of his truck and into the scrubland away from the mine. Alison Bevege of Australia's NT News has the story of the crappy end to Hardy's spiky rescue, but alas, no mention of what he did with the souvenir the echidna left in his hat: Link- via Arbroath
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Abraham Lincoln's second Inaugural Ball in 1865 was a lavish affair for 4,000 people with a midnight buffet. Which didn't turn out quite as planned.
Oysters, roast beef, veal, turkey, venison, smoked ham, lobster salad and a seemingly endless display of cakes and tarts spread across a table 250 feet long. The hungry crowd charged the food, and the lavish event devolved into a food fight of sorts. “In less than an hour the table was a wreck…positively frightful to behold,” wrote the New York Times. Men hoisted full trays above the masses and took them back to their friends, slopping stews and jellies along the way. “The floor of the supper room was soon sticky, pasty and oily with wasted confections, mashed cake, and debris of fowl and meat,” reported the Washington Evening Star.
The menu itself seems odd to modern diners, as half the offerings were meat and the other half sweets, which is explained by the caterer being a confectioner. But where are the vegetables and bread? Some dishes aren't seen much anymore, like smoked tongue, stewed terrapin, calf's foot and wine jelly, and burnt almond ice cream. Read more about these dishes at Smithsonian. Link
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Brossier family
They had already spent five years on a boat in the Svalbard Islands north of Norway. That wasn't quite extreme enough for the Brossier family. For two years, they've lived on their 15-meter boat Vagabond in Grise Fiord in northern Canada. At the moment, the boat is ice-locked. But they can handle it:
This is the second year the family has spent in Grise Fiord, but Brossier and his family are no strangers to living on a boat in the Arctic. They also spent five years on a boat near Spitsbergen, which is an island near Norway. Brossier’s eldest daughter was only 12 days old when her parents first brought her on board.
“Our neighbours were really the polar bears. I think we saw 800 polar bears in five years so it was not many people,” he said. [...]
“We live here without any agenda and without any tight schedule. When you start something you have time to finish it,” he said. “Of course there are some things we cannot do. We miss mainly our families but we are already with our own little family… and it’s easier nowadays to keep in touch with Skype and the internet.”
Link -via Offbeat Families | Photo: Eric Brossier
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Everyone plays basketball with the laundry hamper occasionally, but it's so much more fun when you have an agile kitten to complete the layup! -via Arbroath
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v
It looks like a football, but it's an egg. But it's not an egg, it's just an eggshell (although on that resembles a football) that has chocolate cake inside. Got it? Pull of this project, and the response at your Super Bowl party will surely be, "Oh, you went to a lot of trouble for these, didn't you?" Yes, indeed. Get complete directions to make your own at The Cupcake Project. Link -via Laughing Squid
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The Banpo Moonlight Rainbow Fountain in Seoul, South Korea, is the world’s longest bridge fountain with nearly 10,000 LED nozzles that run along both sides of the Banpo bridge, shooting out 190 tons of water per minute. via
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Help end the violence peppers
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The security team at Verizon had a case study about a guy who outsourced his own job and then spend all day at work having fun on the internet. There was no mention of what company was involved.
The story goes a little something like this. A developer at a US-based critical infrastructure company, referred to as “Bob,” was caught last year outsourcing his work to China, paying someone else less than one fifth of his six-figure salary to do his job. As a result, Bob had a lot of time on his hands; in fact, during the investigation, his browsing history revealed this was his typical work day:

9:00 a.m. – Arrive and surf Reddit for a couple of hours. Watch cat videos.
11:30 a.m. – Take lunch.
1:00 p.m. – Ebay time.
2:00 – ish p.m Facebook updates – LinkedIn.
4:30 p.m. – End of day update e-mail to management.
5:00 p.m. – Go home.
If Bob were the CEO of a company, he'd get a promotion for such money-saving ingenuity. But Bob is not a CEO, and the communication with his consultant in China involved some serious security breaches. What ultimately happened to Bob is unknown, but you can read how they caught him at The Next Web. Link-via Digg
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Women are crazy
Thanks Bill H
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A letter from camp

Dear Mom,

Our Scoutmaster told us to write to our parents in case you saw the flood on TV and got worried. We are okay. Only one of our tents and 2 sleeping bags got washed away. Luckily, none of us got drowned because we were all up on the mountain looking for Adam when it happened.
Oh yes, please call Adam’s mother and tell her he is okay. He can’t write because of the cast. I got to ride in one of the search and rescue Jeeps. It was great. We never would have found Adam in the dark if it hadn’t been for the lightning.
Scoutmaster Ted got mad at Adam for going on a hike alone without telling anyone. Adam said he did tell him, but it was during the fire so he probably didn’t hear him. Did you know that if you put gas on a fire, the gas will blow up?
The wet wood didn’t burn, but one of the tents did and also some of our clothes.
Matthew is going to look weird until his hair grows back.
We will be home on Saturday if Scoutmaster Ted gets the bus fixed. It wasn’t his fault about the crash. The brakes worked okay when we left. Scoutmaster Ted said that with a bus that old, you have to expect something to break down; that’s probably why he can’t get insurance.
We think it’s a super bus. He doesn’t care if we get it dirty, and if it’s hot, sometimes he lets us ride on the bumpers. It gets pretty hot with 45 people in a bus made for 24. He let us take turns riding in the trailer until the policeman stopped and talked to us.
Scoutmaster Ted is a neat guy. Don’t worry, he is a good driver. In fact, he is teaching Horace how to drive on the mountain roads where there aren’t any cops. All we ever see up there are huge logging trucks.
This morning all of the guys were diving off the rocks and swimming out to the rapids. Scoutmaster Ted wouldn’t let me because I can’t swim, and Adam was afraid he would sink because of his cast (it’s concrete because we didn’t have any plaster), so he let us take the canoe out. It was great. You can still see some of the trees under the water from the flood.
Scoutmaster Ted isn’t crabby like some scoutmasters. He didn’t even get mad about the life jackets. He has to spend a lot of time working on the bus so we are trying not to cause him any trouble.
Guess what? We have all passed our first aid merit badges. When Andrew dived into the lake and cut his arm, we all got to see how a tourniquet works.
Steve and I threw up, but Scoutmaster Ted said it was probably just food poisoning from the left-over chicken. He said they got sick that way with food they ate in prison.. I’m so glad he got out and became our scoutmaster. He said he sure figured out how to get things done better while he was doing his time. By the way, what is a pedal-file?
I have to go now. We are going to town to post our letters and
buy some more beer and ammo.. Don’t worry about anything. We are fine and tonight it’s my turn to sleep in the Scoutmaster’s tent.
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Earlobes and nipples
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GPS Error Directs Driver 900, Not 90 Miles
Trivia Tidbit: What was the only father and daughter song recorded live to reach number one on the Billboard charts?
Drag cursor between arrows for answer > Frank and Nancy Sinatra – Something Stupid <
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Higgs Boson
Gaze into eternity. Papercrafting duo Zim and Zou created this depiction of the Higgs boson particle as a cover illustration for an issue of Le Monde that explored the fifty-year search for the particle. This is just the cover image. They made several other sculptures to express the nature of the Higgs boson. You can see them at the link.
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Poutine--it's the national dish of Canada! There are three basic ingredients: cheese curd, beef gravy and potato fries. Despite the great difficulty of finding cheese curd in Texas, I made it once. My mouth was in ecstasy. If you haven't tried poutine yet, you must.
But that's just basic poutine. There's also poutine pizza, ice cream poutine, foie gras poutine, Guinness beer poutine, deep fried poutine and more! You can view 38 different kinds at the link. Link
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10 Spectacular Volcanic Plugs and Natural Monoliths
There are many monoliths around the world, and for some reason, people always want to build something on top. See ten such sites at The World Geography. Link
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Cleaning Out the Electricity
What do you do -should you call an electrician or a plumber? Good luck getting either one to touch this! -via reddit
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halo

Secret

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One Republic - If I Lose Myself
OneRepublic's new sound

OneRepublic @ iTunes Festival 2012 - Complete Full HD

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The annual North American International Auto Show will showcase the state of the art in big pickups. The public will get its first look at General Motors Co.’s new Chevrolet Silverado, as well as Ford Motor Co.’s concept for the next Ford F-150. No wonder stocks of both companies are trading near 18-month highs. Cars will make big news, too: Toyota Motor Corp. is unveiling a model that hints at the look of its next Corolla, one of the world’s best-selling vehicles, while GM will unveil the much-anticipated seventh-generation Corvette.
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Solving the World's Problems ~
The only problem is remembering the answers the next day ~
003.JPG
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Healthy Living from Health.com

http://health.chtah.net/a/tBQ9vjgBFYNexB8wV8XCFNC1EeT/top2


FEEL BETTER, FAST!
The secret to beating the midwinter blues? No, it's not jet-setting off to a beachy spa (though we wouldn’t turn it down). It's something a whole lot quicker, easier, and cheaper. Change up your beauty routine for genuine mood- and beauty-boosting effects.
http://health.chtah.net/a/tBQ9vjgBFYNexB8wV8XCFNC1EeT/top24

WHAT KIND OF LOVER ARE YOU?
Experts say there are six different ways you can be "in love"
http://health.chtah.net/a/tBQ9vjgBFYNexB8wV8XCFNC1EeT/top25

SECRETS OF PEOPLE WHO NEVER GET SICK
Healthy tips and habits to help avoid colds and flu
http://health.chtah.net/a/tBQ9vjgBFYNexB8wV8XCFNC1EeT/top26

GET-THINNER FISH DINNERS
Rich in protein, full of heart-healthy omega-3s, and easy to make
http://health.chtah.net/a/tBQ9vjgBFYNexB8wV8XCFNC1EeT/top27
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“The most damning revelation you can make about yourself is that you do not know what is interesting and what is not
1 Find a Subject You Care About
2 Do Not Ramble, Though
3 Keep It Simple
4 Have the Guts to Cut
5 Sound like Yourself
6 Say What You Mean to Say
7 Pity the Readers
8 For Really Detailed Advice
For a discussion of literary style in a narrower sense, a more technical sense, I commend to your attention The Elements of Style, by Strunk, Jr., and E. B. White. E. B. White is, of course, one of the most admirable literary stylists this country has so far produced. You should realize, too, that no one would care how well or badly Mr. White expressed himself if he did not have perfectly enchanting things to say.
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Ripples
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He that would make his own liberty secure, must guard even his enemy from oppression; for if he violates this duty, he establishes a precedent that will reach to himself.--Thomas Paine
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Society is produced by our wants and government by our wickedness.--Thomas Paine
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I love the man that can smile in trouble, that can gather strength from distress, and grow brave by reflection. 'Tis the business of little minds to shrink; but he whose heart is firm, and whose conscience approves his conduct, will pursue his principles unto death. --Thomas Paine
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Wherever the standard of freedom and independence has been or shall be unfurled, there will be America's heart, her benedictions and prayers, but she goes not abroad in search of monsters to destroy. She is the well-wisher to the freedom and independence of all. She is the champion and vindicator of her own. --John Quincy Adams, 1821
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Better fare hard with good men than feast it with bad. --Thomas Paine
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A guide to man language
“I’M GOING FISHING” Means: “I’m going to drink myself dangerously stupid, and stand by a stream with a stick in my hand, while the fish swim by in complete safety.”
“IT’S A GUY THING” Means: “There is no rational thought pattern connected with it, and you have no chance at all of making it logical.”
“CAN I HELP WITH DINNER?” Means: “Why isn’t dinner already on the table?”
“UH HUH,” “SURE, HONEY,” OR “YES, DEAR…” Means: Absolutely nothing. It’s a conditioned response.
“IT WOULD TAKE TOO LONG TO EXPLAIN” Means: “I have no idea how it works.”
“I WAS LISTENING TO YOU. IT’S JUST THAT I HAVE THINGS ON MY MIND.” Means: “I was wondering if that redhead over there is wearing a bra.”
“TAKE A BREAK HONEY, YOU ARE WORKING TOO HARD.” Means: “I can’t hear the game over the vacuum cleaner.”
“THAT’S INTERESTING, DEAR.” Means: “Are you still talking?”
“YOU KNOW HOW BAD MY MEMORY IS.” Means: “I remember the theme song to ‘F Troop’, the address of the first girl I ever kissed, and the vehicle identification numbers of every car I’ve ever owned, but I forgot your birthday.”
“I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT YOU, AND GOT YOU THESE ROSES.” Means: “The girl selling them on the corner was a real babe.”
“OH, DON’T FUSS, I JUST CUT MYSELF, IT’S NO BIG DEAL.” Means: “I have actually severed a limb, but will bleed to death before I admit that I am hurt.”
“HEY, I’VE GOT MY REASONS FOR WHAT I’M DOING.” Means: “And I sure hope I think of some pretty good reasons soon.”
“I CAN’T FIND IT.” Means: “It didn’t fall into my outstretched hands, so I’m completely clueless.”
“WHAT DID I DO THIS TIME?” Means: “What did you catch me at?”
“I HEARD YOU.” Means: “I haven’t the foggiest clue what you just said, and am hoping desperately that I can fake it well enough so that you don’t spend the next 3 days yelling at me.”
“YOU KNOW I COULD NEVER LOVE ANYONE ELSE” Means: “I am used to the way you yell at me, and realize it could be worse.”
“YOU LOOK TERRIFIC.” Means: “”Please don’t try on one more outfit, I’m starving.”
“I’M NOT LOST. I KNOW EXACTLY WHERE WE ARE.” Means: “No one will ever see us alive again.”
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~


The real man smiles in trouble, gathers strength from distress, and grows brave by reflection. --Thomas Paine
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

How to make a wooden cow


This craftsman has created an entire herd by turning a piece of wood and then slicing it. The object comes from the collections of the Hornihan Museum; it is described as "German," but they offer no data re its age.

Via A London Salmagundi.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Never hold discussions with the monkey when the organ grinder is in the room.
- Winston Churchill
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Intellectuals are people who believe that ideas are of more importance than values. That is to say, their own ideas and other people's values.--Gerald Brenan
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
The only thing you can do easily is be wrong, and that's hardly worth the effort.- The Phantom Tollbooth, by Norton Juster
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Now's the time to let go of the past, so you can tell a new, happier story in the future.
Listen to this article. Powered by Odiogo.com
Whether you're thinking and talking about a tragic event or even a minor irritation, you're working against yourself and just perpetuating negative conditions. There is a Law of Dominant Thought, which states that we're always moving in the direction of our currently dominant thoughts. That's why it's so important to keep your focus on what you want instead of what you don't want. Said another way, what you focus on expands.

We don't attract wealth when we contemplate being broke. We don't get healthy by contemplating how sick we are. . . and how bad we feel. Even if you talk about the event while mentioning a desire to change it, you're still reinforcing the negative event. For instance, you might keep saying to yourself and others, "I keep eating too much ice cream day after day and I need to stop doing that." Your mind hears "ice cream" and will want more ice cream! It's far better to think about having a healthy body and to start eating more fruits and vegetables.

Here's an important qualification: you're going to find that when you do have a painful experience, whether it's an illness, the death of a loved one or even losing your job, the wound is raw and you'll find yourself talking about the incident often. In fact, many people will ask you about it. Thus, talking about it is only natural.

Your mission is to put the event behind you as quickly as possible. In other words, stop thinking and talking about the past event as soon as you can. No one can tell you what length of time is appropriate. It depends on your unique situation. Remember, this isn't about denial. It's about moving your life forward in a positive direction.

Today, and in the future, notice when you find yourself thinking and talking about negative conditions or negative experiences of your past. . . unless, of course, you want to reinforce your pain and suffering and create more of it in the days to come. Now's the time to let go of the past, so you can tell a new, happier story in the future.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
For every human problem there is a solution which is simple, neat and wrong.

- H. L. Mencken
~~~~~~~~~~~~~
I believe every human has a finite number of heartbeats.
I don't intend to waste any of mine running around exercising.
- Neil Armstrong
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Two men were stopped by a TV newswoman doing street interviews about the upcoming presidential primary election.

"I'm not voting for any of the candidates," the first man said. "I don't know any of them."

"I feel the same way," the second man said. "Only I know them all."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
WTF? Boner
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
This girl walks in to a doctors office and she asks "Whats a failic symbol?
Doctor says "you're kidding.."
Girl says "no! I don't know! Whats a failic symbol???"
Doctor pulls his pants and underwear down and says "You see? This is a failic symbol!"
Girl says "Oh! Its just like a penis, only smaller"
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
square deal - problem
A “coffin,” or killer problem, from the oral entrance exams to the math department of Moscow State University:
Construct (with ruler and compass) a square given one point from each side.
square deal - solution
If A, B, C, and D denote the four points, connect A and C and draw a perpendicular from B to this segment. Let D’ lie on this perpendicular such that AC = BD’. Now D’ lies on the same side of the square (or on an extension of that side) as D. Connecting D and D’ gives us the orientation of the square, and the rest is easy.
According to Tanya Khovanova and Alexey Radul, in the 1970s such problems were cultivated expressly to prevent Jews and other undesirable students from entering the university. The challenging nature of the problems prevented students from solving them, and the existence of a simple solution gave cover to the administration. For further examples, see http://arxiv.org/pdf/1110.1556v1.pdf.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
In a 1965 story on the accidental death of a local millworker, Charlotte News police reporter Joseph Flanders wrote, “It was as if an occult hand had reached down from above and moved the players like pawns upon some giant chessboard.”
This struck Flanders’ fellow reporters as hilariously purple, and they founded the Order of the Occult Hand to immortalize him by sneaking the phrase into as many stories as possible. This has evolved into an in-joke among American journalists:
  • “It was as if an occult hand had somehow palmed the film.” — Deborah Caulfield, “Disney Pulls ‘Wolf’ From Mann in Dispute,” Los Angeles Times, Nov. 7, 1983.
  • “As the show wears on, your eyelids may slam shut, as if tugged by an occult hand.” — Jay Sharbutt, “FBI’s Untold Stories Told, James Earl Jones Seeks A Few Laughs,” Associated Press, Sept. 26, 1991.
  • “It was as if an occult hand was at work, or maybe a screenwriter for one of Mel Brooks’ slapstick comedies.” — Paul Greenberg, “Warren G. Clinton’s Bad Week,” Tulsa World, May 28, 1993.
  • “One morning last week, while pondering the daily question of khakis vs. jeans, it was as if an occult hand reached down and plucked the baggy green pants from the hanger and thrust them at me.” — Dennis Rogers, “Snug Fat Clothes and Other Realities of Pre-Boomers,” Raleigh News & Observer, Aug. 3, 1993.
  • “It was as if an occult hand had pointed you out to each other.” — Florence Shinkle, “Fated Attractions: How Our Minds (and Our Glands) Make Us Fall in Love,” St. Louis Post-Dispatch, Feb. 14, 1994.
  • “Nails, screws, small tools and thingamajigs accumulate and then relocate as if moved by an occult hand to some new hiding spot.” — M.R. Montgomery, “A Place for Everything,” Boston Globe, July 6, 1995.
  • “It was as if an occult hand had guided the black sphere down the narrow lane and into the triangle of pins.” — Linton Weeks, “Spares and Strikes,” Washington Post, June 5, 1997.
  • “It was as if an occult hand had reached down to throw beleaguered Democrat Donald S. Beyer Jr. a wee crumb on an otherwise bleak night.” — Sean Scully, “Barry vs. Plotkin,” Washington Times, Nov. 7, 1997.
  • “When he plays the blues, it is as if some occult hand is guiding his hand over the guitar, channeling the essence of the blues through Clapton.” — Eric Fidler, “Sound Bites: ‘Pilgrim’ (Reprise) – Eric Clapton,” Associated Press, March 23, 1998.
  • “We like to think we have earned success, after all, and discount the occult hand of fate.” — David Mehegan, “The Story of E,” Boston Globe, May 14, 2000.
  • “It was as if an occult hand had taken Chuck Klosterman’s radio, tuned away from the Top 40 ear candy of Duran Duran and the Stray Cats, and tuned into the satanic debauchery of Motley Crue.” — Eric Hanson, “These Books Rock: ‘Fargo Rock City’ Lauds Metal as Refuge for Teens,” Minneapolis Star Tribune, July 15, 2001.
  • “It is as if an occult hand placed Calvino in our country so we could appreciate our own eccentricities,” John Skoyles, “The ‘Hermit’ Emerges in Calvino’s Writings,” Associated Press, April 21, 2003.
“It’s a phrase that has that sense of journalese about it, sort of a campy phrase,” Greenberg told James Janega of the Chicago Tribune in 2004. He holds a Pulitzer and has used the phrase at least six times, “just to keep my standing in good order.”
But Montgomery told Janega that in the modern era the occult hand might be coming to an end. “There’s so much bad writing and so much pretentious writing,” he said, “I’m afraid it would get lost.”
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Sex Quiz
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Back in the turn of the century in a mining town out west, a woman walked into a saloon. Suddenly she realised that she was not in the general store so she started to turn around and leave. As she was doing this, a drunk cowboy seated at the bar noticed her and said to the woman, "Come on over, Ma'am, sit yerself down right here next to me and have yerself a drink.
"Thank you kindly Sir, but I'm afraid that I couldn't,"
replied the woman, "on account that I need to get bread."
The cowboy replied, "Uh, Ma'am, I do reckon you came to the right place for that!"
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Tombstone Epitaph:
Playing with names in a Ruidoso, New Mexico, cemetery:

Here lies
Johnny Yeast
Pardon me
For not rising
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
A helicopter was flying around above Seattle yesterday when an electrical malfunction disabled all of aircraft's electronic navigation and communication equipment. Due to the clouds and haze the pilot could not determine his position or course to steer to the airport.
The pilot saw a tall building, flew toward it, circled, drew a handwritted sign and held it in the helicopter's window.
The sign said "WHERE AM I"? in large letters.
People in the tall building quickly responded to the aircraft, drew a large sign an held it in a building window. The sign said, "YOU ARE IN A HELICOPTER".
The pilot smiled, waved, looked at his map and determined the course to steer to SEATAC ( Seattle/Tacoma) airport and landed safely.
After they were on the ground, the co-pilot asked the pilot how the "YOU ARE IN A HELICOPTER" sign helped determine their position.
The pilot responded, " I knew that had to be the Microsoft building because they gave me a technically correct but completely useless answer".
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
What is the rallying cry of the International Dyslexic Pride movement?

Dyslexics Untie!
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Incline village
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
“The whole problem can be stated quite simply by asking, ‘Is there a meaning to music?’ My answer would be, ‘Yes.’ And ‘Can you state in so many words what the meaning is?’ My answer to that would be, ‘No.’” — Aaron Copland, What to Listen for in Music, 1939
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Dihydrogen Monoxide: The Invisible Killer
Ban Dihydrogen Monoxide!

Dihydrogen monoxide is colorless, odorless, tasteless, and kills uncounted thousands of people every year. Most of these deaths are caused by accidental inhalation of DHMO, but the dangers of dihydrogen monoxide
do not end there. Prolonged exposure to its solid form causes severe tissue damage. Symptoms of DHMO ingestion can include excessive sweating and urination, and possibly a bloated feeling, nausea, vomiting and body electrolyte imbalance. For those who have become dependent, DHMO withdrawl means certain death.

Dihydrogen monoxide:

1. is also know as hydric acid, and is the major component of acid rain
2. contributes to the "greenhouse effect"
3. may cause severe burns
4. contributes to the erosion of our natural landscape
5. accelerates corrosion and rusting of many metals
6. may cause electrical failures and decreased effectiveness of
automobile brakes
7. has been found in excised tumors of terminal cancer patients

CONTAMINATION IS REACHING EPIDEMIC PROPORTIONS!

Quantities of dihydrogen monoxide have been found in almost every stream, lake and reservoir in America today. But the pollution is global, and the contaminant has even been found in Antarctic ice. DHMO has caused
millions of dollars in property damage in the Midwest, and recently California.

Despite the danger, dihydrogen monoxide is often used:
- as an industrial solvent and coolant
- in nuclear power plants
- in the production of styrofoam
- as a fire retardant
- in many forms of cruel animal research
- in the distribution of pesticides; even after washing, produce remains
contaminated by this chemical
- as an additive in certain "junk-foods" and other food products

Companies dump waste DHMO into rivers and the ocean, and nothing can be done to stop them because this practice is still legal. The impact on wildlife is extreme, and we cannot afford to ignore it any longer!

THE HORROR MUST BE STOPPED!

The American government has refused to ban the production and distribution chemical due to its "importance to the economic health of this nation". In fact, the navy and other military organizations are conducting experiments with DHMO, and designing multi-billion dollar devices to control and utilize it during warfare situations. Hundreds of military research facilities receive tons of it through a highly sophisticated underground distribution network. Many store large quantities for later use.

IT'S NOT TOO LATE!
Act NOW to prevent further contamination!
The water molecule has the chemical formula H2O, meaning each molecule of water is composed of two hydrogen atoms and one oxygen atom. Literally, the term "dihydrogen monoxide" means "two hydrogen, one oxygen", consistent with its molecular formula:
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
http://commons.wikimedia.org/wiki/File:Rnzaf_roundel.svg
The insignia of the Royal New Zealand Air Force is the kiwi, a flightless bird.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
A Scottish private walks into the pharmacy near his bases, pulls a
beat-up, mutilated condom out of his pocket, and asks the pharmacist how
much it would cost to repair the condom.
The pharmacist replied that including replacing the band and spot
welding the holes, it would cost 26 pence, but that for 29 pence, he
could sell the private a new one.
The private said, "Aye, that is a weighty decision, I shall be back in
two hours with an answer."
Two hours later, The Scotsman returns and says: "The regiment has voted to replace."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
This preacher was looking for a good used lawnmower one day. He found one
at a yard sale that Little Johnny happened to be manning.
"This mower work, son?" the preacher asked.
Little Johnny said, "Sure does -- just pull on the cord hard, though."
The preacher took the mower home and when he got ready to mow he yanked
and pulled and tugged on that cord. Nothing worked. It wouldn't start.
Thinking he'd been swindled, he took the mower back to Little Johnny's
house. "You said this would work if I pulled on the cord hard enough."
"Well," Johnny said, "you need to curse at it sometimes."
The preacher was aghast. "I've not done that in years!"
"Just keep yanking on that cord, Preacher. It'll come back to you."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
With a scientific name of Psychotria Elata, this species also goes by the fitting names of the Hot Lips Plant, Flower of Lips or even Hooker's Lips. The colourful red flowers have evolved to attract pollinators including hummingbirds and butterflies. The plant can be found in the forested areas of tropical America such as Costa Rica and Colombia. Photo credit: Rex Features.
I probably should have saved this for a Valentine's Day post.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
An elderly patient paid me a wonderful compliment. "You're beautiful," she said. I must have looked skeptical because she was quick to assure me that she was sincere. "It's just that I rarely hear flattering comments about my looks," I explained.
She smiled understandingly. "That's just because you're fat. But it doesn't mean you aren't pretty."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~


Basic Math is the subject I teach at a small community college in western North Carolina. I call one part of the curriculum Practical Applications for Living in the Real World. The day after I presented a lesson on simple and compound interest, one of my older students approached me in the hallway.

"You really taught me a great deal about my life yesterday," he said. "I realized I've been struggling with a lack of interest, compounded daily, for thirty years."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

The image above is of a "lace plant."
Aponogeton madagascariensis is commonly known as Madagascar Laceleaf, Lattice Leaf or Lace Plant. It is an aquatic plant native to Madagascar and is popularly sold for use in aquaria. It is endangered in the wild.
If you had asked me how a living structure creates such a pattern, I would have had no idea. But yesterday I saw the answer at Fresh Photons:
“The lace plant is an aquatic monocot endemic to the river systems of Madagascar. The lace plant undergoes programmed cell death (PCD) between longitudinal and transverse veins (designating the ‘window’), creating a lace-like pattern over the entire leaf surface. PCD stops four to five cells from the vasculature creating a strip of control cell that will never undergo PCD; these cells are pink in colour due to the pigment anthocyanin found within their vacuoles. The next layer of cells in are markedly green in colour due to the pigment chlorophyll and are in the early stages of PCD. The cleared cells in the centre are in the later stages of PCD and will soon die and break away from the tissue. I chose this photo because I really enjoyed the juxtaposition of the colours between anthocyanin and chlorophyll. ” -Christina Lord
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Expression markings used by Australian composer Percy Grainger:
  • “Louden lots”
  • “Soften bit by bit”
  • “Lower notes of woggle well to the fore”
  • “Glassily”
  • “Sipplingly”
  • “Bumpingly”
  • “Hammeringly”
  • “Bundling”
  • “Clatteringly”
  • “Like a shriek”
  • “Very rhythmic and jimp”
  • “Rollikingly”
  • “Hold until blown”
  • “Jogtrottingly”
  • “Easygoingly but very clingingly”
Musical directions in Erik Satie’s piano works:
  • “Wonder about yourself”
  • “Provide yourself with shrewdness”
  • “Alone, for one moment”
  • “Open the head”
  • “Superstitiously”
  • “In a very particular way”
  • “Light as an egg”
  • “Like a nightingale with a toothache”
  • “Moderately, I insist”
  • “A little bit warm”
  • “Very Turkish”
One of Satie’s directions — “Very lost” — might have been unnecessary.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Possibly offensive
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Aussie Pick Up Line
A bloke was standing at a bar and a beautiful woman was beside him so he leans over and says, "You remind me of my little toe"
She replies,"What? You Mean I'm small and cute?"
He says, "No. I'’ll probably bang you on the coffee table later when I'm drunk."
Thanks, Cindy ~
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
"... our elderly citizens walk down the darkest of alleyways!... and the weak
and nerdy are admired for their computer programming abilities!..."
-- Homer Simpson
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Young people have theirs...
now Seniors have their own texting codes:

* ATD- At the Doctor's
* BFF - Best Friends Funeral
* BTW- Bring the Wheelchair
* BYOT - Bring Your Own Teeth
* CBM- Covered by Medicare
* CUATSC- See You at the Senior Center
* DWI- Driving While Incontinent
* FWIW - Forgot Where I Was
* GGPBL- Gotta Go, Pacemaker Battery Low

* GHA - Got Heartburn Again
* HGBM - Had Good Bowel Movement
* LMDO- Laughing My Dentures Out
* LOL- Living on Lipitor
* OMSG - Oh My! Sorry, Gas
* TOT- Texting on Toilet
* WAITT - Who Am I Talking To?
Hope these help. GGLKI (Gotta Go, Laxative Kicking in!)
Thanks, Phlax
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

A mother was teaching her three year old daughter The Lord's Prayer. For several evenings at bedtime, she repeated it after her mother. One night she said she was ready to solo. The mother listened with pride, as she carefully enunciated each word right up to the end..."And lead us not into temptation", she prayed, "but deliver us some e-mail, Amen."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

"There is a fine line between coincidence and fate."
―Ardeth Bay sharing his philosophies
Ardeth Bay was portrayed by actor Oded Fehr in the first two films and was voiced by Nicholas Guest in the animated series.
In the original script of the first film, Ardeth was to die at the end, an idea dropped later by Stephen Sommers.
Ardeth Bay's name was originally the alter ego of the mummy Imhotep in the 1930's film "The Mummy". It is also an anagram of the phrase, "Death By Ra."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
What is a Blondes favorite nursery rhyme?
Hump me dump me
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~`
At a government affair, the wives of four world leaders are chatting about how people refer to a penis in their countries.

The wife of Tony Blair says in England people call it a gentleman, because it stands up when women are entering.

The wife of Boris Yeltsin says in Russia you call it a patriot, because you never know if it will hit you on the front or on the back side.

The wife of Chirac says in France you call it a curtain, because it goes down after the act.

With great resignation, the wife of Clinton says in the USA you call it a rumor, because it goes from mouth to mouth...
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
The College Food Chain


THE DEAN
Leaps tall buildings in a single bound
Is more powerful than a locomotive
Is faster than a speeding bullet
Walks on water
Gives policy to God

THE DEPARTMENT HEAD
Leaps short buildings in a single bound
Is more powerful than a switch engine
Is just as fast as a speeding bullet
Talks with God

PROFESSOR
Leaps short buildings with a running start and favorable winds
Is almost as powerful as a switch engine
Is faster than a speeding BB
Walks on water in an indoor swimming pool
Talks with God if a special request is honored

ASSOCIATE PROFESSOR
Barely clears a quonset hut
Loses tug of war with a locomotive
Can fire a speeding bullet
Swims well
Is occassionally addressed by God

ASSISTANT PROFESSOR
Makes high marks on the walls when trying to leap tall buildings
Is run over by locomotives
Can sometimes handle a gun without inflicting self-injury
Treads water
Talks to animals

INSTRUCTOR
Climbs walls continually
Rides the rails
Plays Russian Roulette
Walks on thin ice
Prays a lot

GRADUATE STUDENT
Runs into buildings
Recognizes locomotives two out of three times
Is not issued ammunition
Can stay afloat with a life jacket
Talks to walls

UNDERGRADUATE STUDENT
Falls over doorstep when trying to enter buildings
Says "Look at the choo-choo"
Wets himself with a water pistol
Plays in mud puddles
Mumbles to himself

DEPARTMENT SECRETARY
Lifts buildings and walks under them
Kicks locomotives off the tracks
Catches speeding bullets in her teeth and eats them
Freezes water with a single glance
She IS God.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Ursa ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
ursarodinia@aol.com

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